Ministry

Ministry? More like Dentistry if you ask me!!! Ha ha! Oh yeah... ooooooh yeah... Get it? Noise? Dentistry? Painful to some people? Eh? Highlights For Children? Oh man, you're missin' out on my funny comedy joke!!!
*special introductory paragraph!
*With Sympathy
*Twelve Inch Singles 1981-1984
*Twitch
*The Land Of Rape And Honey
*A Mind Is A Terrible Thing To Taste
*In Case You Didn't Feel Like Showing Up (Live)
*Side Trax
*KEIANHNO
*N.W.O. CD-single
*New Revelation
*Filth Pig
*Dark Side Of The Spoon
*Sphinctour
*Animositisomina
*Houses Of The Mole'
*Rantology
*Rio Grande Blood
*Rio Grande Dub
*The Last Sucker
*Cover Up
*Adios... Puta Madres
*The Last Dubber
*MiXXXes Of The Mole'
*Every Day Is Halloween: Greatest Tricks
Ministry began its life as a dance duet, then turned into an industrial guy, then an industrial-metal duo, then a sludgy slow metal band, then a thrash band, then a

Al Jourgenson is the leader of the outfit; he may be overdramatic and he's certainly had his moments of trying way too hard to be threatening (it's just sound; how threatening can it be?), but he has an amazing ear for samples, feedback, loud drums, guitar distortion, and the coolest-sounding way to shove 'em all together onto a cassette tape.


With Sympathy - Arista 1983.
Rating = 6


Well, I guess everybody has to start somewhere. For Ministry, it was dark synth pop not unlike that of legendary rockers the Human League. At this point, Al Jourgenson was a prissy prettyboy hanging out with a drummer named Stephen George and singing bouncy little George Michael tunes like "I'm not an effigy" (which, as my wife pointed out when just my girlfriend, sounds a lot like "I'm not an F-A-G," a claim that isn't really supported by the contents of this record). Al now writes off this part of his career, calling it a learning experience and an embarrasment and plenty of other negative phrases like that, but the album's not that bad. If nothing else, Al has always had a decent ear for melody so, even though there's no defining Ministry feature present on this record to differentiate the tunes from those of countless other synth pop bands of the era (none of which I'll name, because I'm not terribly familiar with that particular genre and I don't want to stick my foot in my ear), there are at least some catchy songs. My favorites are "She's Got A Cause" and "Revenge." Final word: There's no reason to hate this record, but there's also no reason for Ministry fans to buy it. It doesn't sound like Ministry at all. No samples, no noise, no heavy guitars. Just a fake British accent and lots of dancin'!
Reader Comments

brianjc@webtv.net (Brian Carlson)
sounds like the Pet Shop Boys and Soft Cell which is not a bad thing

gratner@ix.netcom.com (Cody Gratner)
(as a pop-synth album):9/10, (Ministry album):1.5/10

I have NO idea why, but this album rules!

bish24@erols.com (John Bishop)
Not sure where the whiny faux British accent came from, but this was a decent entry in the synth-pop genre. I wsa shocked when I heard Al was from Chicago! At least he sounded a tad bitter, unlike most of the other synth bands. For a good example of Ministry's transition to a heavier band can be found on the "All Day"/"Everyday is Halloween" 12", which was a staple in the clubs in the mid 80's. I'm not sure if that ever made it to an album, but it's worth picking up if you can find it.

thomas.pal@sympatico.ca
t's funny, Ever since I got to like Ministry I only bought records from the "new era" (That is Land Of Rape and so on) Since my taste wandered off to Retro I decided to check out Ministry's earlier stuff and I have to say it's pretty good. With Sympathy is a good record, especially the first 4 songs, It's just songs like What He Say and Here We Go that ruin the good moments. Still, I'd give it a 7 1/2.

atewaysatan@hotmail.com (Lord Kennedy)
who are you kidding? i could put this cd in the same Bin with Duran duran and Flock of segals. which is a garbage can in the attick. it's hard to beleive that the same guy who created The Land of Rape and Honey and A Mind is a Terrible Thing to Taste made A worthless Table Coaster such as this. like Steve Albini once put it in a Chicago Weekly: "If Al Jourgensen continues to make sissy as shit Dance-pop records like this i'm going to Cut off his balls, shove this in his throat and Sew his mouth shut" or something to that effect.. although, steve Albani SAYS alot of things i doubt he'd attempt that sort of thing. especially Al Jourgensen. have you SEEN the man? than again, Albini DOES work out. talk about F.A.G!

tomgipson@gmail.com
This album is just comedy gold. Same with your hillarious review. My buddy and I drive around blasting that album and screaming "I'm not an F-A-G!" Sort of reminds me of "I lost on Jeopardy" by Weird "Al."
Add your thoughts?

Twelve Inch Singles 1981-1984 - Wax Trax 1987.
Rating = 7


Good stuff. Harder and weirder than With Sympathy, but still dancey as crap. It's got a couple mixes each of the classics "something something Love," "Everyday is Halloween" and "Cold Life" -- as well as "All Day," which was also on Twitch. This doesn't need to be your first Ministry purchase, but it should be somewhere in your collection even if With Sympathy isn't. This is Al and Al is weird yankovic!
Add your thoughts?

Twitch - Sire 1986.
Rating = 7


At some point, Mr. Jourgenson realized that straight club music just wasn't for him, so he dumped George Stephens and declared himself a Noise Fellow with this interesting combination of faux-Euro dance pop and screechy irritating percussion noises. Culture Club doing Throbbing Gristle covers? Yes. Sure.

It actually starts off really tame and kinda silly with the groovy "Just Like You" and sleek dark "We Believe," but starts to get really weird by the time side two rolls around. The bell gong chime thing in "Over The Shoulder" is only the first hint that something violent is creeping up; the speedy punk disco of "My Possession" is verification. And, just so you won't think that this bouncy effeminate violence is as hard as dance music can get, Al drags you into the bashy clanging headbanging grit of "Where You At Now?," which quickly deteriorates into the free noise of "Crash And Burn," which apparently at some point turns into some other noise excursion called "Twitch (Version II)," but I'll be pooped if I can figure out at what point the transition occurs. Essentially then, this album is Al's metamorphosis from light-footed dance boy to creepy racket warlord. The noise is primitive and guitar-free, but nonetheless, it's noise, and pretty darned attractive noise at that. Good for you, side two! Heck, side one, you're no slouch either, even though you kinda sound like the Pet Shop Boys.

Reader Comments

janz@direct.ca
Crap.

KROBARR@aol.com
"Where you @ now" - "crash and burn" - "twitch" is still their funkiest mix to date! You can't help but trash around like you need some kind of tranquilizer!

mcrouch@centillion.com (Matt J. Crouch)
No comment. :)

DarkIndustrial7@webtv.net (James Gregg)
It's their Best album, for it sounds more Industrial then anything else I heard them put out. "Over the Shoulder", "Isle of Man (V 2)", "Just Like You", And "We Believe" are the best songs.

mcere@huron.net (Graham Cere)
good fucking album.

missmaam@bigfoot.com
i guess you had to have been on the dance floor with big al himself in chicago, dancing to his very own song "over the shoulder", while he keeps asking you if you know how the lottery works, to really appreciate why chicago loves this guy.

daniels@actek.com.au (Daniel Schmidt)
Twitch is an excellent album. Equal second with Mind. Do you reckon that Chemical Brothers' style sounds a lot like the song "Where you at now/Crash and burn/Twitch(V2)" off this album?

gratner@ix.netcom.com (Cody Gratner)
10/10 (15/10..28/10...99,870/10....111,111,111^2/10!) The absolute best album EVER (Which only compares in greatness with Frizzle Fry by Primus, Anything by Lords Of Acid, anything By Skinny Puppy, or anything by Nobuo Uematso)!

frants@get2net.dk
Has anyone noticed "Twitch version two" on Twitch? That has to be one of the most avant garde and one of the most brilliant pieces of music made on this Earth. That is one fantastically noisy number on a record that is otherwise less noisy than they became later.

virus66@email.msn.com
A little pop-ish at times, but alot better then some of the new industrial bands, and it was 1986! Not crap.....you just have to like industrial.

brad.black@sympatico.ca
Normally I see eye to eye with most of your reviews. But, I would have to say that I disagree with your opinion that Twitch is 'basically a solo album'.

Unless you mean an Adrian Sherwood solo album – since he was the one who programmed all the drum tracks, and sampled his Tackhead Sound System back-catalogue extensively for the white noise, and metallic percussion bits that define the overall sound of this release.

I think this is why the album before, and the majority of albums after sound radically different from Twitch.

Oddly enough, this is also the only Ministry album that Sherwood appeared on.

jcallahan2@houston.rr.com (Jeremy Callahan)
This is very scary stuff. There is a spookiness in this that is chilling. The helicopter-like smaples and the half-whisper vocals are menacing. I think this is quite awesome.

Bob Royale
Depending on where you come into this album from with Ministry, it's very possible to hate this album. As it's over 20 years old now, and not getting play ANYWHERE, it's pretty safe to say you'll get here after hearing Ministry's newer sounds, and will be really disappointed and/or confused when this starts going on. The thing is, it's actually not bad at all- compared to a lot of stuff from the same era, it's also aged fairly well. The textures take a back seat and aggression rides in the trunk, but there are some decent pop songs on here with some pretty cool noisy effects going on around the songs- and the songs are pretty decent. My Possession is cool and creepy, Over the Shoulder is very solid, and Isle of Man despite it's preachy GO RECYCLE lyrics is pretty damn cool. It's a neat slice of a type of music not many people do anymore, where it's not quite synthpop and not quite experimental, but it definitely gives big nods to both. Hard to recommend, but not a bad album at all.
Add your thoughts?

The Land Of Rape And Honey - Sire 1988.
Rating = 9


Now this is the bearded tattoed body-pierced distorted-voiced Alain Jourgenson that the world calls its own today in America. Hanging out with new music partner Paul Barker must have done wonders for his taste, because there's almost no hint of "dance music" at all on this one - which doesn't mean it's not danceable!!! It's certainly filled to the ceiling with synthesizer noises and groovin' fake drums; the difference is that it's all really really violent. From the heavy metal repetition of the record-opening "Stigmata," "The Missing," and "Deity" to the closing explosion of the murder samba "Abortive," there's not a whole heck of a lot of emotional range here - just anger, hatred, and oh, drug addiction, probably - but it kicks axe!!!

In fact, side two is one of the most threatening record sides I've ever heard, and there's nary a guitar on it!!!!! Okay, maybe not threatening, but certainly venemous. Plus, Al is one fine producer; as you'll hear here, he really knows how to pile on the samples and still keep everything as clean as a broke-dick accountant. Like some kinda breakdance DJ or something. Or some crap. Lots of people fancy this to be Ministry's finest moment, and "Stigmata"'s a bonafidal underground classic, but in my honest ope, it's a bit thin somehow. Every song is fantastic (even the "atmospheric" ones), but the mix isn't quite thick and bassy enough to sound real. It's more like listening to a really bitter keyboard venting its frustrations out on the world. For real anger-club music, check out the next album. Now that's a dozer.

Reader Comments

KROBARR@aol.com
i'm gonna rip yer hed off...i'm gonna shit down yer neck...i'm gonna laugh like a motherfucker....

mcrouch@centillion.com (Matt J. Crouch)
They're getting warmer....

DarkIndustrial7@webtv.net (James Gregg)
My second favoite Album. "Stigmata" (which you can dance to at the Factory ), "You Know What You Are", "Flashback", "Golden Dawn", and "Hizzabolla" are the best songs.

mcere@huron.net (Graham Cere)
good fucking album with keyboards. Ministry's best album, except maybe twitch.

daniels@actek.com.au
"Hizbollah" is the greatest song on this albulm. This is Ministry's best albulm.

MrDrB@aol.com
I couln't tell with all your lame sarcasm in your ministry-the land of rape and honey article whether you liked ministry or not. I din't appreciate how you put ministry down right away without consider that people, allpeople exceptyou infact, actually like ministry. Do you think the whole world is wrong? what a rebel you are

malcolmr@atcom.com
This Cd is still blowing my mind away.. From beginning right to end. Side 2 is just unreal.

Did someone say "abortive" was about suicide?

brianjc@webtv.net (Brian Carlson)
This album deserves a 10. It is the definitive industrial album, linking everything that came before with everything that came later. The Sgt. Pepper, Tommy, Zoso, and Paul's Boutique of Industrial noisy goodness. This is when I decided to worship Al and his friend Paul and all of their mutant buddies. Every industrial band since has been trying to reproduce this record. I'm done now

gratner@ix.netcom.com (Cody Gratner)
8/10 Drum boxes are our friend (Really...), reminds me of Skinny Puppy. The TR-606 Shall reign FOREVER! This album sounds too thin. Like listening to an analog synth, as opposed to a digital one...

apazoo@hotmail.com (Andrew Pazulla)
Now THIS is their best by far in my mind. Unlike the next album, the samples don't get in the way of the music. This album also has a much needed sense of humour ("I preferrrrrr.... FLAGELLATION!" is my favourite moment!) The best songs are both funny and scary ("Stigmata," "The Land of Rape and Honey," "Flashback") The album is full of really, really black humour. Samples are used effectively but not overused. This album sounds like nothing else out there; it's like listening to a pig being pushed alive into a sausage machine. All of their other albums have weak/boring tracks but this has no filler.

I agree that the mix could be slighter fuller, but this was recorded in '87 and I'd rather have better songs with a worse mix then the opposite. I'd give this a 9.5/10.

azazel@fuckyou.co.uk (Jose Torres)
Golden Dawn is the best Ministry song, the chanting in the background is Aleister Crowley's "The Call of 2nd Aethyr". Best Ministry album too!

POOPYSAW@aol.com
very well mixed and extremely experimental.great songs with very little changes.definetly one of ministry's finest moments.stigmata is probably to grating on the ears of your averege listener.but thats okay.ministry is not made for the mainstream train of thought.extremely techno and industrial ,but not in a bad way.spacy at times, straight on in other times.this is an in your face cd all the way.best song is deity.

landonmoblo@home.com
Great record/guilty pleasure. Extremely influental. I actually like the atmospheric stuff better than the songs (guilty of converse with the devil!). Very hip samples(except the heavy-heavy monster leaning on PLATOON). Let's give credit where it's due: someone mentioned Adrian Sherewood. He had much more to do with TWITCH than Al did. Sounds like Mr. J was taking notes 'cuz Land OF.... has Dub Sydicate written all over it. Play "the show is coming" off of Tunes From the Missing Channel (or better yet, Lee Perry's remix, "Train to Doomesville"), then the title track "Land of Rape..."-----same shit; just angrier. Now if only I could watch Platoon for ten minutes without hearing this record....... P.S. If played quietly, this album is still loud.

uglytruth@hotmail.com (Hossein Nayebagha)
Almost no hint of dance music ?! There's obviously plenty of that stuff, what do you call the whole second half of the record ? ("Flashback" excluded) ? Most of those songs are pretty good but I think the title track is just awful. Fact is, I agree with what you say about it being like listening to a bitter keyboard...but I don't understand how you can say there's no hint of dance music. "Stigmata" is the main track for me on this album (surprise,surprise), the following three tracks and "Abortive" are the other highlights. 6/10.

jorgestudios@yahoo.com
Is it me, or does the beginning of "The Missing" sound exactly like "Colombian Necktie" by Big Black?

While we're on the subject, have you noticed how similar the guitar lines by ZZ Top and The Wipers are oddly similar? You have to really compare them, but it's creepy.

Bob Royale
I agree with Mark that the mix here lacks what is known as balls, but this is really required listening to anyone who likes structured experimental music. It doesn't chug a lug all over you in tough guy riffing (they get there, of course), and it doesn't fall into any one made up sub genre of "a guy making music with a computer", but it's just genuinely cool and not even so much angry or dark as it is creepy and atmospheric with some fairly aggressive rhythm work- not pointless 64th note snare rolls a la break-core or whatever, it's more paired back and sounds better for it as everything breathes, resolves and piles on. It did essentially pave the way for such unfortunate happenings as Linkin Park, but here the anger and confusion sounds more like an angry and confused group of guys, as opposed to some spoiled kids mining the market. With this one, you get mad WITH IT. It's just really fired up, and surprisingly aggressive for something so computer-y.

Add your thoughts?

* The Mind Is A Terrible Thing To Taste - Sire 1989. *
Rating = 10


I have memories just as every man has memories; mine are of visiting the "Hell" level of Atlanta's semi-legendary Masqerade club (Rock bands played in "Heaven," drunkards got drunk in "Purgatory," and goth teens danced in "Hell.") and realizing how amazingly well-mixed (and well-written, of course....) this record is. Even pumped up louder than a house, I could hear every last sample in "Thieves," every background shout in "Burning Inside," and, most importantly, even though I was pumped up louder than a house, I could discern every single really loud distorted guitar riff, aww man, now you're talkin' my language and it sure ain't Danish!!!! These eight songs shout and shriek like angry rockers while still making your foot tap and your butt, as well, tap.

And it sounds real. There is space (and bass) between the noise. There are about fifteen different levels of samples speaking back and forth with each other. And the drums are as powerful as Bonham and Roland rolled together into one big alcoholic robot corpse. In short, I am simply blown away by this record. It's not threatening; the melodies are just really hypnotic - and varied, too! "Thieves" is a jagged forced choppy machine's attempt at hardcore while "Burning Inside" is straight metal. "Never Believe" is pit-slammin' punk mosh pit oi nirvana while "Cannibal Song" is a PIL rip-off. "Test" is Rage Against The Machine-esque political rap while "Faith Collapsing" is an almost-instrumental trance dance. And "Breathe" is a mean lengthy repetitive drone anthem while "So What" is a.... well, a mean lengthy repetitive drone anthem, but they both kick ass, so blow it ti wolb os ssa!!!! .

Reader Comments

mcrouch@centillion.com (Matt J. Crouch)
You "don't think it's very good"? "Dream Song" is the best fucking track on that album!

levon@netcom.ca
Ok well I think the best song on this album is "So what" other than that all the other songs on this album just sounds like samples, nothing fancy but there could've been a better effort.

robinson@zynet.co.uk
"Dream Song" is one of the most atmospheric Ministry songs I've ever heard. I'd love Ministry to ditch the guitars for a future album and just produce songs like this. Not that I'm against their guitar songs mind, I think "Just One Fix", "Thieves", "The Missing" etc. are great.

MrDrB@aol.com
this cd was made in the same style as the land of rape and honey. how couldmyoulike one and not the other?

pmtapia@worldnet.att.net (The Chameleon)
My only Ministry album, but a damn good one!! Boy and I thought the Downward Spiral had a lot of creative shit on it. The songs on this album just kick so much ass. If you listen to the songs on this album full blast or with a good set of earphones you can hear so much stuff happening in the background. In these 9 songs so much stuff is going on. Al Jourgenson really out did himself this time. And the guy is even on every drug on the planet 24/7!! But I think all the drugs he takes really helps him write better music, but that's just me talking. Anyway, like Mark Prindle said, this album is very hypnotic. One time I was listening to it in my car when I was ditching school. I got into the music to such a far extent that I forgot where I was going. It was pretty cool. The album is just so loud and so powerful. The drum beats are so fucking loud and cool. Listening to the music is just fun because be it "Thieves", "Dream Song", "Burning Inside", or "Faith Collapsing", I can hear something new each time happening within the song. There is so much shit going on in this album. Another cool thing about the song "Thieves" is that Jourgenson, Barker, and the other guys decided to put a lot of lines from Full Metal Jacket in the song. I find that cool, because that movie kicked ass. So, furthermore, just go get this album, forget about Nine Inch Nails, Filter, or Gravity Kills...Al Jourgenson was kicking ass before that wuss from Filter was an itch in his dad's pants. Well, hmm, maybe I'm wrong about that. Nevertheless, Al Jourgenson was around writing songs before any of those, as Prindle put it, "shock factor" bands were even getting started. Therefore, Al Jourgenson's band is much better.

rainesd@slc.bfp.net
the best love it ...."IM READY TO FIGHT!!!""

gratner@ix.netcom.com (Cody Gratner)
10/10 "Dream song" is the best song on the album! Then comes "Breathe" and "Burning Inside", "Thieves" is good but lacking...

reznor@tez.net
The bonus track on Mind kicks ass. It's what we affectionately refer to as "Angry settle down music." For those times you're really pissed but would rather boil awhile than draw blood.

apazoo@hotmail.com (Andrew Pazulla)
This is a good album, but not nearly as good as its predecessor. Some of the songs sound too much like a guy just dicking around with samples and tape speeds ("Thieves") "So What" is good at first, but wears thin after about two minutes. There is no variation in the song. "Burning Inside" is the best song on the album, but in my mind this album doesn't have the dark wit or surprising complexity of Rape and Honey. 8/10

KamikazeHyena@aol.com
"The Mind is a Terrible Thing to Taste" is definately Ministry's best album. The samples are clean, the brilliant guitars sound like chainsaws against a chalkboard, and the beats are heavy as ever...but perhaps it is the variety of different songs that make this album so good. "Thieves" grabs you by the neck and just tosses your sorry ass into the pit as Ministry's new anthem. "Burning Inside" is pure savage metal. Then comes "Never Believe", a disturbing mosh along frenzy that takes no prisoners. Suddenly, "Cannibal Song" comes along and twists your mind into dementia with it's slow and powerful beat and disturbing vocal powers. "Breathe" is just pure anger with a beautifully crafted beat. "So What"is probably the albums best track, using very long samples from the movie "The Violent Years" and mixed in with a killer chorus. "Test" is a speedy politically charged industrial rap. "Faith Collasping" is just a really fun, sample laden track, and the album ends with "Dream Song"...a slow and atmospheric melody with sexy female vocals. Amazing album. The best ever. 10/10!!!!!

landonmoblo@home.com
I know Pailhead might sound jarring in this coloumn, and they never really had an album, but the CD takes the single and EP-all six tracks- and it would fit perfectly right before Psalm 69. Seriously: "Trait" is "A Mind is....."'s sister album. It works perfectly; Ian fits it fine. "no bunny" is beautiful. "Man should surrender" is "Burning Inside". "I will refuse" is "Thieves". Take "A Mind..." and replace the sardonic humor with Ian's determined idealism and you have Pailhead.

jcallahan2@houston.rr.com (Jeremy Callahan)
This is the perfect combination/transition of all of the styles that Ministry has dealt in. This is their best work, mainly for the fact that they didn't sway to far toward one style or another - the balance of their influences is perfect, and so is this release.

georgebushfan1@yahoo.com
"The Mind Is A Terrible Thing To Taste" is the greatest album made by Ministry. Why isn't there a T-Shirt of that album?

_c3994783@wanadoo.nl
Brilliance!! Fogggin foggin foggin' brilliance sonny boy! Whoever out there should claim that fear factory kicks ass, slayer is the hardest band in the world, manowar has sucked their dingalongalongleng all night long and so long.... wake the fuck up! Ministry rule supreme when it comes to aggressive kick in the nuts straight out mechanic madness! This is music for the diabolically insane, for night freaks, for people that want to test the limits, for leather wearing fistfuckers, in short, for all the people that George Wanker Bush wants to kick outta the country and put on a deserted nuclear island somewhere... But even he doesn't want to croos swords with somebody as utterly charged and ready as mr. Jourgensen is on this record (or the next one, for that matter, which is called psalm 69 by the way and not the ridicolous name it has in the review below!). Also this record is one of the best junctions between industrial, metal and alternative electromusic. Every song is good, and some are damn foggin' brilliant! Absolutely one of my most favorite records of all time! For people downloading or somethin' like that, check "thieves", "burning inside", "breathe", "so what" and "cannibal song"... o what the heck! Buy this record you morons!!!

Bob Royale
Yeah, this is the one. Without falling into "If you'd been there in '68" assholisms, this really brings together their early dancing sound while looking forward to the heavier stuff that would come after it. Very Killing Joke, but only their good albums- this is THE ALBUM for this sound. "Test" fucking sucks and aged horribly, but "So What" is on here, and if you don't like that, why the fuck are you even listening to Ministry? You only have to press the skip button once, and everything else is just great. In my opinion it's a desert island record, but even without my attachment to it there is no doubting that this is a damn fine record, The only faults are Test, and the sort of crappy artwork but they had drugs to buy, give them a break.

Add your thoughts?

In Case You Didn't Feel Like Showing Up (Live) - Sire 1990.
Rating = 9


This is a somewhat unnecessary (but great) concert album that pumps up the guitars on three tracks each from the last two records. Somehow, they pull it off live! The stuff sounds really tough and mean! If you already have the others, though, there's really no point in getting this one - it's more of a compilation than a wild live experience. In the words of the immortal Mark Prindle, "

Reader Comments

janz@direct.ca
I don't agree with this review. The best Ministry album yet!!!!!

levon@netcom.ca
Yeah I don't agree with this review either to be honest. The album is good, I mean to be able to do all that stuff on stage live isn't easy. Overall it's a good album, I wouldn't bad mouth it, but I think they could've got the crowd noise more into it, that was the only lousy part of it, and it could've been longer.

Prodiglsol@aol.com
it's my opinion that anyone who writes a long, kitchy review about anything likes to hear himself talk at least as much as they like whatever they're talking about. still, better kitchy than slobbering fanboy worship.

mercredi@bach.ccinet.ab.ca (Quentin Mercredi)
I also disagree with the review. This Album is a must have if you already own the last two. The songs are like remixes of the original. Revamped and reamped to assault the ears. Most songs are also longer than the original studio songs and also a lot harder and full of much more energy. Ministry meets Metallica.

mcere@huron.net (Graham Cere)
fuck ministry meets metallica, that's bullshit. Metallica sucks. Ministry writes good fucking dance beats.

amckane@servtech.com (Adam McKane)
All the Rape and Honey songs sound SO MUCH BETTER on this live album!!!

Anarchist@goplay.com
Yeah. I don't agree with the review either. Sure, it's a live album, and it has no new tracks, but the tracks on it not only kick, but they sound quite different to the studio albums.

MrDrB@aol.com
you are incredibly gay jerkbutt

mike_red5@hotmail.com (Mike Semcheski)
LORAH review is dead on. But the MisaTthing to Taste gets more stars? Are you joking? Mind is a good album. But it doesn't have the effect of LoRaH. In Case you Didn't feel Like showing up -- That's the 10 stars. You know why? Cause of that sick 13 minute version of "So What", and then "Stigmata" to finish it off.

activecarbon@jps.net (Laurence D'Alberti)
Believe it or not, after being a lifelong Ministry fan (I was dancing in dark wave clubs to "Effigy" all dressed in black and Goth looking when Trent Reznor was still a nobody - NIN sucks!)...anyway - I only just rented this video for the first time this Xmas 2000 from Blockbuster. Of course I've seen them twice live (NYC and SF) so I knew what to expect. First off, this is a video of a live concert with some special visual effects and samples added for effect. Just listening to the album I think you loose most of the Ministry atmosphere. The media stuff, industrial factory imagery and WWII Hitler crap is a little (way) dated now - but at the time - very exciting and radical. With Jello Biafra and Ogre on stage - well they just sort of look like hangers-on compared to the real deal - Al Jourgensen (what the hell does that Biafra guy do anyway?) What I find interesting is how fluffy and bogus today’s music ala MTV has become compared with this ferocious type of audio visual entertainment from just 10 years ago. (I think these black rappers today would sh*t their pants if they met up with Al and his bunch in some bar or back alley in Chicago!) Watch 10 minutes of MTV (or ANY rap video for that matter) and then watch "So What" off this video and you will see how far down the scale the music industry has gone in the USA. Thank God for Al Jourgensen (& Paul Barker and the rest) - he has been the only one keeping this type of Aggro-Metal-Techno type music going into the new Millennium. What annoys me is how NIN and Marilyn Manson kind of stole Al's limelight - both of those bands are mediocre at best and very derivative. Ministry is original - something spewed out of the industrial wastelands of Chicago. Then I come to realize Al's from Cuba! Who could have ever dreamed of this sound coming from the mind of a Cuban - other than one transplanted to Chicago! If this doesn't sound to gay for your writers and readers - I cried when I saw them in NYC - only because ever person I have ever known and loved couldn't be there with me to see them - they are that good - really!

thomas.pal@sympatico.ca
I've never really cared for this album until one day I decided to get it. What have I been missing all these years?!? Man, this is just freakingterrorshit!!!!! Can you imagine? These guys''ve been going extremepsycho 11 years ago already!

Meanwhile look at MTV...full of hair band bitches whose agression only reachged max level when trying to decide who should get the last can o' hairspray. Stigmata was never my most favorite Ministry song since it sounded too "stripped" on Land of Rape, but this live version has certainly became my favorite one. Why? Listen to it. It speaks for itself. Great album!

hemingerm@AyresAssociates.com
Prindley has a point that this album sounds like a retread, unless you listen closely. You see, they gots 4 guitars on that stage blarin away, and it sounds amazing. I'm sure that Jourgenson used about 85 guitar trax on the studio works, but this thing just RAGES. "Missing" is even more ferocious than the original, and "So What" is longer and packs even more of a punch.

As an astute (budding) reviewer already mentioned, the video adds a lot to the experience, especially the version of "Breathe" which is not included on this cd (why? WWHHHHHYYYYYYYYYYY??????) and has some great industrial imagery going on. Some of the Jello performance didn't even make the video cut. Did I mention I was at this show? The tension was incredibly thick that night (KMFDM had opened for them and did a great job) and the chain link fence in front of the stage just added to the animosity. Little punks eventually started to climb the fence and jump off into the crowd from about 15 feet in the air. On my way out, I saw a trail of blood going into the men's room. This was a serious show!

Years later, I saw Ministry at Lollapasnoozer, and they were INCREDIBLY FUCKING LOUD for an outdoor act. And they sounded impeccable with all the guitars, drums, samples, etc going on. And they were also INCREDIBLY FUCKING LOUD!!

Paul Raven from Killing Joke is touring with them in the summer of 2006.

Add your thoughts?

Side Trax - Rykodisc 2004
Rating = 8


Alien Jergenson has done his fans a SOLID by issuing a real GAS of a release that will hopefully help him increase his LIQUID assets. The EARTHy tones of his various side projects are never WATERed down, nor do they pass WIND; in fact, most of the time Al's totally on FIRE! This is great and I wish I could do it all day, but I've got a review to write so no more piddling around like a wordsmith dandy.

Side Trax is a terrific idea that I personally never thought could have come to fruition due to copyright and personnel issues. What it IS is an 80-minute CD compiling the work of four of the best-known and least-recorded Al Jourgensen side projects of the 1980s: Pailhead, 1000 Homo DJs, PTP and Acid Horse. So now instead of four reviews, I only have to write one! Up The Irons! (*lifts irons up over head, then continues pressing shirt*)

Let us begin with Pailhead, a dark industrial death-rock sort of project put together by Al and Ian MacKaye of Minor Threat and Fugazi. All six of their songs are GREAT compositions, reminiscent of early Killing Joke with their insistent dead bass hooks and minimalist phrishy fuzz guitar chords. Ian has never sounded so menacing as he does against this ominous backdrop, and every song seethes with underbellied malice that only occasionally erupts into full-scale violence (especially in the hardcore metal riffer "I Will Refuse" and the pulse-pounding condemnation of sex phonelines "Ballad," which finds a near-hysterical Ian screaming "PICK UP THE GODDAMNED PHOOOOOONE!!!!"). And hey Ramones fans - pay close attention to what Ian's singing at the end of "Anthem" -- she's a reference! The only bad thing about these six tracks is that they represent the full output of Al Jourgensen's smartest and most chilling side project of all time. 10 out of 10 for this section of the CD.

My next guest is 1000 Homo DJs, a side project that basically amounts to everybody in Ministry except Paul Barker. Claims have been made that Trent Reznor and Jello Biafra were involved, but I certainly don't hear them. The claims, I mean. I tend to shut my ears when claims come along -- that's what makes me such a successful insurance agent! But before I get sidetracked, let me get Sidetrax up your head with my mad verbiage, yo. The Homo DJs (all 1000 of them) issued one distorted but melodic (and hypnotically repetitive!) industrial single followed by a cover of Black Sabbath's "Supernaut" backed with a fake cop yelling at people. Me, I'm fond of all these tracks - the hopeless "Apathy," desperate "Better Ways," kass-icker "Supernaut" and... vaguely funny "Hey Asshole" - but the latter track drags on a bit long, as I'm sure we're all in agreeance. Still, the vocalist does a picture-postcard-perfect impression of an asshole cop. You can almost HEAR the mustache! The 1000 Homo DJs section receives an 8 out of 10.

That's it for the rockin' out portion of the CD. The remaining five tracks are electronic dance-type house music similar to early Revolting Cocks or Twitch-era Ministry. So if you're in it for the big guitar rock with the long hair, you'd might as well shut down the computer and go take a crap right now. Because that part is OVER, Jack, and it ain't comin' back any sooner than Adam Smith is coming back to pen The Wealth Of Nations 2: Hello Mary Lou. Good riddance to bad rubbing alcohol!

First are three tracks by PTP, the only one of these four side projects to feature Paul Barker. The big draw at the time was the inclusion of Chris Connelly - that's what made it PTP. But see, he just ended up joining Ministry anyway so.... Well, so. PTP wrote one great song built upon silly happy synth noises, a single bass note repeated over and over for six minutes, and low "I'm Too Sexy"-style vocals intoning such vibrant literature as "Tick tick tock, I am the kitchen clock/Tick tick tock, this is my wife/Tick tick tock, I am the kitchen clock/Tick tick tick, this is my KNIFE!" Unfortunately, the other two songs are worthless 80s computer noise synth CRAP! One of them is a previously unreleased track from Robo Cop featuring Ogre from Skinny Puppy on vocals and it's CRAP! I give this section of the CD a 3.333, the nogoodnick portion son of an ass, and it's CRAP!.

Finally, Acid Horse winds up the nilly-nally with Al smacking palms with Chris Connelly and legendary dull electronic outfit Cabaret Voltaire. Each band does an original version of a song called "No Name, No Slogan," and surprisingly, both tracks are as enjoyable as they are completely different from each other! Al's is total RevCo: dance beats, Connelly's low vocals and a wonderfully incongruous steel guitar sample marking the end of each line. Cabaret Voltaire on the other hand speak the lyrics through a vocoder, invent a happy fun bass line and toss in lots of exuberant bouncy keyboard noises jumping up and down on a trampoline eating a tangerine playing a tambourine assfucking Ben Vereen. 8 points. Would get 7 if not for the Ben Vereen assfucking.

So you see, when Al Jourgensen sits around the house, he really sits AROUND not doing anything! Take my wife, for example. PLEASE! Horse walks into a bar, the bartender says, "Why the long hair?"

Reader Comments

soul_crusher77@hotmail.com
I don't own this, but it does definitely sound like something I should get. I haven't found an actual copy of the Pailhead EP anywhere, and I own the 1,000 Homo DJ's version of "Supernaut" thanks to that mediocre Black Sabbath tribute Nativity In Black, but haven't heard anything else. And now for what I really emailed to bring up:

I don't know about Jello Biafra's involvement with 1,000 Homo DJ's, but Trent Reznor is actually the one singing on "Supernaut". TVT (Nine Inch Nails' record label at the time) didn't want him doing projects on other labels and wouldn't let it be released, so rather than re-record the vocals himself, Al just ran them through enough effects to render them unrecognizable. I heard a while ago about a box set of Wax Trax stuff that includes a version with Trent's undisguised vocal, but I haven't actually heard it.

Add your thoughts?

KEIANHNO - Sire 1992.
Rating = 8


I was more disappointed than a fish in June when this album finally came out about sixteen years after the initial reported release date and I discovered it to be a boring jokey heavy metal record. Not that I mind jokes or heavy metal; I just expected a bit more from this particular combo, especially considering all the bragging Al was doing about it being the "hardest Ministry album ever." Yeah, it might be the hardest, but it sure isn't the most interesting!!!!

First of all, the "Jesus Built My Hotrod" single, released about seventy-two years earlier and featuring Butthole Surfers's Gibby Haynes on vocals, had kicked my absolute ass all over the place. It was a GREAT SONG. So what does Al do for the album release? Cuts off the awesome chugging intro and sticks the edit after a thrash song so it sounds sluggy in comparison. Then what else does he do? Closes the album with two of the dullest noise pieces since Patti Smith's Horses. Then what further does he do? Puts on three "joke" heavy/punk/hardcore songs. That leaves three tunes. One features the exact same riff as "Burning Inside" from the last album, one is a slow heavy metal song, and one has the same chord sequence as "Feel Like Makin' Love" by... oh, you know who it's by. It's fucking classical music!

So why'd I finally come around? Why'd I end up giving it an 8 when it initially infuriated me so? Because the production is unbelievable, somehow completely making up for the lack of original musical content. The samples are topnotch, as always, and he fools around with tape stops and volume and all kindsa funny whogoesthere. And when you play it really really loud, somehow the tired riffs don't even matter. They're metal, they're (in about half of the cases) speedy, and they "kick arse," as the United Kingders say. It's a poor representation of the creative power and verve of the Ministrys, but that Al, he's got a darn fine ear on his shoulders.

Oh yeah - most people call this album Psalm 69: The Way To Succeed And The Way To Suck Eggs, but it doesn't say that anywhere on my cassette sleeve, so I'm gonna take the road less travelled. I still call Diddy "Sean 'Dogfucker' Combs" too.

Reader Comments

Klknott@aol.com
This album is ministry's best.

janz@direct.ca
I don't agree. This album is another great one.

nfrost@concentric.net (Nathan T. Frost)
I agree to some extent with this review, and it ain't Ministry's best, but, in my opinion, it's a helluva lot better than Twitch and With Sympathy. I like "Jesus Built My Hotrod," and "Psalm 69" (the song) kicks serious ass. The last two tracks suck, agreed all.

deadguy@chariot.net.au
what is your problem? Psalm 69 is equal top CD of all time, along with Roots, Sepultura. "Corrosion" is excellent. a crushing track. and who else has done screaming like "Grace". "Scarecrow" and "Psalm 69" are two unbeatable songs. Every track gets a 9.5 at least. no second rate bullshit on this disc.

Learn to recognise good hard music when you hear it.

Piscobamba@aol.com
This is one of their best.

mercredi@bach.ccinet.ab.ca (Quentin Mercredi)
Who the hell is reviewing these Ministry albums anyway? Keianhno is a great Ministry album. More open minded music fans would really enjoy this album. Ones that enjoy what music stands for.

Klarrabe@frognet.net (Kirk Larrabee)
Ministry's Psalm 69 has been much maligned by some people but quite frankly I don't own an album like this one. The remarkable thing about it is it is so intense yet so controlled and clean. You might expect songs of this nature to spin off into tangents where they go overboard but not so-- Ministry keeps that under control for the most part, which is what makes it so effective. Hey, technically it might not be great (you won't find any virtuoso guitar playing here-- hell, "N.W.O." is basically a two-note song) but the production here is supreme. "Just One Fix" and "Hero" are two of my favorite all-time metal songs. Metal fans should have it.

leek@mail.gte.net (Sue and Garry)
So.... whats wrong with classical music?

mcere@huron.net (Graham Cere)
good album, especially "just one fix". Not as good as twitch or the land of rape and honey.

levon@netcom.ca
Ok well this album I must say is the best thing I've heard from Ministry yet. "N.W.O", "Jesus Built My Hotrod", "Scarecrow", and "Pslam 69", and "Scarecrow" are real good stand out tracks for this album. But it's a good metal album, if you wish to classify it as metal. But yes I must agree the second last track titled "Corrosion" is ok now and then but "Grace" is the worst ending song I have heard for an album period, what the hell was Al thinking when he made it? But overall a excellent album.

Anarchist@goplay.com
Nope. Don't agree either. All the songs on this album are really good (though "Corrosion" and "Grace" take some getting used to). Maybe not their best album, but it's one that's constantly in the cd player anyway.

missmaam@bigfoot.com
let's leave patti smith out of this!

prb7@cornell.edu (Peter Bogdasarian)
Gotta agree with the majority here, IMO Psalm 69 is an amazing piece of music, full of energy and skill.

jeff51082@concentric.net
What is this??? KEIANHNO was Ministry's best album!!! Come on, Too heavy?? What ever! Songs like "Hero" and "Just one fix", rock far beyond that old shit!!

iforman@adel.tafe.sa.edu.au
i think p69 rocks. my all-time, equal-favourite CD... imagine if they had used the extended dance version of "NWO" instead of the normal one. the 12" edit of "Just One Fix". the redline/whiteline of "JBMHR", etc.

well written reviews though. highly entertaining :) don't pay out "Grace" and "Corrosion" though... grr. they rock. "Jesus built" is my least favourite on the CD. "Psalm 69" and "Scarecrow" are my favourite tracks of any band i would say...

rainesd@slc.bfp.net
sucks sucks and it sucks too

gratner@ix.netcom.com (Cody Gratner)
4.5/10 "Jesus Built My Hot Rod" SUCKS (I haven't heard the "Redline / Whiteline version" though)! "T.V. (Song?) II" and "Hero" are the best songs on the album, "Grace" is a great tune... "Psalm 69" is a good song, till it switches 1.. 2... 3.... 4..... FIVE!?!?!?!? (Sorta') times. "Just One Fix" has a cool video...

nachash@bellsouth.net
The title of this album is derived from Aleister Crowley's The Book of Lies, Chapter 69. This CD rocks, punk.

reznor@tez.net
Alright now, it kicked ass. "NWO" may be a simple riff, but in this case simplicity is genius. Raw anger doesn't call for tricky fingers, just brute force. "Psalm 69" is a great commentary on modern religion. "Scarecrow" just rocks. "JBMHR" walks the line between kick ass and ass kicked. "Grace" and "corrosion" I could have done without, but the rest more than make up for it. The dance mix of "NWO" will wear you out in no time, "quick fix" is funny as hell, and "Fucked" ranks up there with "Dream Song", too bad it wasn't on the album. "Jesus Built Red line/White line" is really good too, and I don't need to be justified ;-)

rpolney@soback.kornet.nm.kr
A cool album! Al really rocks on this one, but yes a little too much metal. It will always have a place in my heart because I had to sneak out of my Army barracks at Ft. Bragg to get to a mall and buy it. I would have gotten my ass kicked if anyone found out about it. I regret nothing.

Orashid@concentric.net
"Just One Fix" @ "Scarecrow" make this album one of the best in Ministry history.

dccurtis@wans.net (Dave Curtis)
I think that "Just one fix" rules!!! You don't know what your'e talking about!!!

apazoo@hotmail.com (Andrew Pazulla)
This is one of their best albums, but I'd agree that it's not their best. "Just One Fix" is the best track, followed by "NWO" and "Scarecrow." But the rest of the album lacks something. "TV II" is just annoying, and the title track is boring. 8/10

paul.olesak@snet.net
I thought that this was a great record, but I agree with you about how they ruined Jesus Built My Hotrod. The version on the single is a million times better than the one on here. They put the crappy radio edit version on Psalm 69. On the back of the JBMH single it calls this version contemptably timid! If you haven't heard the single version I recommend trying to find it. It's over 8 minutes long and has great samples and a really cool ending.

thomas.pal@sympatico.ca
My first Ministry album. I love it, there's variety. No two songs are alike. NWO is just awesome. That's when I first learned about Ministry( from the video). As for the name of the album. Why is it Psalm 69? The name of the album is written in GREEK (looks Russian, but it's not) and it's pronounced :KEFALI...which means HEAD. What kind of head? I don't know. Maybe just a plain ol good head. who knows. As for Corrosion, It doesn't suck, It's the purest extremenoiseterror industrial dance song I've heard. Grace is sort of scarry, though.

soul_crusher77@hotmail.com (Mike K.)
I agree that this cd does sacrifice the normal level of Ministry creativity in it's quest to be really hard and loud, but it does succeed in being a good simple stompy angry type record. Although I don't see anywhere near the number of bad points prindle brings up, I give it the exact same grade. Go figure. As for the long noise pieces, I actually like "corrosion" a lot (it's just a loud repetitive tribal drumbeat thing and a bunch of air raid type noises, but somehow it totally works), but "grace" is boring as hell. They should have taken off "grace" in favor of the 8 minute single version of "Jesus Built My Hotrod", which in fact is exactly what I did to my burned copy of psalm 69. Oh, and to the person who said JBMHR sucked, you probably wouldn't like the redline/whiteline version any better. The intro and middle sections are longer with a bunch of hot rod related soundbites over them, and the ending is different, but that's all. Granted, it's a really cool ending, and some really cool soundbites, but that's not enough to make someone go from hating the song to liking it.

jcallahan2@houston.rr.com (Jeremy Callahan)
Some nice spots, but you could sense the slip in quality and creativity to come. Just one fix, NWO, Corrosion, Scarecrow - strong. Psalm 69, and whatever that soldier song is - DUMB.

galleyian@mac.com
When I were a lad I used to listen to this almost everyday, then my needle went and it stayed on the shelf for a good few years, (I'm way too tight to get a CD copy.) Finally I rectified the situation and now I can regress to a sense of self, unburdened by the ravages of time. So...

What impresses me first; whilst released in 1991, (that's 13 years!), it more than easily stands up to any 'hard' record released today, even surpasses them. Not in a song writing sense, it's all in the production. This paired down,and direct approach, minimalist electronics, computer gizmo's e.t.c. saves it from a specific time frame. I love 'The mind...' it sounds like an early nineties, crossover album... it sounds dated.

'N.W.O' is as relative now as it was then and the George Bush sample is just plain scary. The moment in 'TV2' where the sound drops away is still jaw-dropping. I don't find the noise pieces as pointless, 'Corrosion' is a great dance tune and 'Grace' Oh Lordy! All I can think is they burrowed a hole, with their crack-addled moles and dropped a mic right into hell. Just never try listening in the dark, whilst tripping, not a good move at all.

A fine album and, yes, it kicks arse.

Bob Royale
This is ok, but it tends to either sound like a more punk rock White Zombie or it falls into what comes across as weak experimentation. The first half stomps like a son of a bitch and is pretty kickass and funny, but the song Psalm 69 is really terrible. Scarecrow is cool, slow and groovey. And no matter how scared I was waking up really baked to Corrosion or Grace when I was 17, there is really no reason to ever listen to them. The production is great, this sounds AWESOME loud. But it seems sort of phoned in, and since it was the only thing they ever made a shitload of money off of, it sets a bad precedence for what people see as the Ministry sound. This doesn't sound psychadellic enough to sum up the Ministry sound.
Add your thoughts?

N.W.O. CD-single - Sire 1992
Rating = 5


And that's a 5 only if you for some reason don't own the KEIANHNO REEVES album. If you do, drop it to a 3. Its three tracks include:

1. The always-excellent but hardly-necessary album version of "N.W.O."

2. A tedious "Extended Dance Mix" that adds introductory feedback, a bit where the bass is removed from the guitar riff, and three extra minutes of parts going on too long -- a treat indeed for all those dance people who go to dance clubs to dance to heavy metal songs.

3. A weak outtake called "Fucked" that's just echoing fuzz blasts and spoken samples over an electronic beat. If you consider "Corrosion" and "Grace" the crowning achievements of KEIANHNO, by all means GET "FUCKED"!

This is the kind of CD-single that gives CD-singles a bad name. Look, Jon Bon Jovi even wrote a song about it:

A song we all own
and 'Fucked' is lame
Alain, you give CD-singles
a bad name (bad name!)

Actually he wrote two! You remember that other one?

It's a CD
In a player it sits
It's worthless (worthless!)
"Extended Dance Mix"!?

Whoa, I nearly forgot the THIRD song that Jon Bon Jovi wrote about it!

This disc is like bad Jourgensen
And bad Jourgensen can suck my peen
Whoa oh oh!

Crud! Then there's that entire album Led Zeppelin wrote about it!

In the days of my youth
I was told what it means to be a CD-single

(*computer creates its own virus, deletes next 250 paragraphs*)

See? It's just CRAZY that Paul McCartney has written nothing but songs about this CD-single for his entire half-century career!

Add your thoughts?

New Revelation - Hurricane 1995
Rating = 7


You know that song by that guy that goes "nah nah nah - (*sings song*)"? That's on here. That other one isn't though. Also, the spine words claim that it's a LIVE ACOUSTIC PERFORMANCE, but only two or three of the songs feature acoustic guitars, and the bass guitar is about as acoustic as an electric bass guitar. I still feel sick. Do you feel my coughy scratch throat? Under most circumstances, the answer would be no, but with Internet access so inexpensive these days, even streams of nasal mucous can be found "Surfin' Joe Satriani's Internet Highway" all hours of the year.

Sometimes it's fun to pick up a bootleg. In this case, it was fun because I had just interviewed "Weird Al" Jourgensen the night before, and because the thought of an acoustic Ministry performance seemed about as illogical as allowing Supertramp to set foot in a recording studio at any point during their existence as a performing unit. Hey, a block of bursting energy just hit me in the face with this thought: If one were to force Jim McGuinn to perform fellatio upon oneself, would Jim argue, "I Wasn't Born To Swallow"?

This fresh CD features recordings of two identical five-track sets performed live at the Shoreline Ampitheatre in Mountainview, CA on October 1st and 2nd, 1994. Although I'm unclear as to why this might be the case, the set list for these two evenings stood as follows: Bob Dylan's "Lay Lady Lay" (previously covered by Hoyt Axton, Kevin Ayers, Booker T. and the MGs, The Byrds, Neil Diamond, Duran Duran, Ramblin' Joe Elliott, the Everly Brothers, Jose Feliciano, Ferrante & Teicher, Richie Havens, Isaac Hayes, Steve Howe, the Isley Brothers, Ben E. King, Albert Lee, Melanie and Cassandra Wilson) an original composition called "Paisley" that (regardless of Al's insistence that it "will be on the next Ministry album") can only be found on the "Lay Lady Lay" single and Escape To L.A. soundtrack, Ten Years After's "Here They Come," The Grateful Dead's "Friend Of The Devil" (previously covered by Counting Crowes, Ramblin' Jack Elliott, Jorma Kaukonen, Lyle Lovett and New Riders of the Purple Sage), and (though it's not listed on the cover for some reason) John Barry's "Theme From 'Midnight Cowboy'" (previously covered by The Bar-Kays, Ray Conniff, The Cows, Floyd Cramer, Martin Denny, Faith No More, Percy Faith, Ferrante & Teicher, Andre Kostelanetz, Henry Mancini, Mantovani, Johnny Mathis, Paul Mauriat and The Shadows). And this is all fine and good because Al Jourgensen actually sounds really nice and friendly singing without a distortion pedal, but you have to listen to it TWICE! You have no choice but to listen to it TWICE! Unless you have a little button on your CD player that allows you to skip tracks, you have to listen to it TWICE! I mean, Hell - I love sex as much as the next guy, but I sure wouldn't want to have sex with the same woman TWICE!

LuKKKily, there are six bonus tracks on here that you only have to listen to once (the amount of times a song SHOULD be heard during a lifetime). These include such dastardly fledglings on the vines of love as the b-side "TV III" (an excitingly slow, shitty, "funk metal" version of the "TV Song" with a wah-wah pedal), a needlessly but enjoyably extended version of "Reload," a cover of Skinny Puppy's lite-electro hit "Smothered Hope," a bunch of noise called "Twitch" that you'd think would have been on Twitch, but NOPE! and two killer early-to-mid-period Ministry effeminate-but-trying-to-be-tough non-album tracks by the name of "Isle Of Man" and "Tonight We Murder." I like them and my plants like them.

Like many people, I enjoy playing music to my plants. It seems to increase the morale of my employees, including the safety inspectors and the Mexicans that I hired to drink the nuclear waste at the end of each workday.

If you're looking for a particularly loud and aggressive form of Ministry, New Revelation is probably not the most worthwhile expenditure of your bootleg dollar. But for the rest of us - those who are charmed by the thought of an industrial metal band doing hippy covers, and who haven't spent thousands of pounds racking up every Ministry b-side under the creation - it's a Goshsend.

Isn't it hilarious that my entire Rush page is like three sentences long and here I've wasted fourteen reams of paper on a Ministry bootleg? That's because my old reviews EAT SMELLY BALL HAIRS!

....while at the same time not including any language quite as deplorable as EAT SMELLY BALL HAIRS!

Wait wait wait. Slooooooow doooooooown. I just had the greatest idea for a new business. It would include a restaurant, a perfume store, a basketball court and a barber shop -- and I would call it:

DINE AROMA HOOPS CUT!

Add your thoughts?

Filth Pig - Sire 1996.
Rating = 8


This incarnation of Ministry is a trudgy, slow, and mostly sample-free heavy metal band. But it's not really metal, in the traditional sense of the word - there's no macho posturing or lengthy guitar solos or anything - it's just real heavy. I would have been completely floored by this record had I not already heard that album by Godflesh that's called Dirt or Pure or Hank or whatever, but I have. As it is, I'm just really impressed that Paul and Al had the guts to adopt such an entirely unmarketable musical palette this late in their careers, especially considering the recent surge of interest in "industrial" teen papoop like Nine Inch Nails and Filter.

Plus, quite frankly, these tunes kick the living puppy out of the ones on that Godflesh LP. The single, "The Fall" (a damn fine band, by the way), had not a hellball's chance in snow of becoming a popular Buzz Clip, but it's still one of the most hypnotic songs I've heard all year. The chord sequence is bizarre and the piano flourish is beautiful. In fact, the same can be said about most of these tracks. Bizarre but beautiful. The perfectly serious cover of Bob Dylan's "Lay Lady Lay," for example. Why did Al pick that song, you're wondering? Well, I don't know for sure, but let me answer for him anyway; it's because Al, regardless of his "tough guy" image, still recognizes honest beauty when he hears it. And he does the right thing - in this case, justice to Bob's country-western classic. There are no jokes on the record, and only a couple of hints of lightheartedness (the last two tracks), and this is a good thing. Where KEANUREEVESIAU made me feel ripped off, this one feels and sounds like more than my money's worth. Every song is included for a reason, and they all drag on long enough to develop into repetitive mantras of anger and confusion. Good mix, too, as if I had to tell you....

So why only 8? Because if you're going to make every song stylistically identical, you gotta make 'em all amazing. A couple of these aren't. It's still a really good album, though, and deserves to have sold a heck of a lot more copies than it did.

Reader Comments

herluf@cybernet.dk (Nikolaj H.T.P.)
Well think again!

You said something about the ekstra track on the cd version of the mind..... I must say that it is one of my favorites! It's the most "hypnotic" (your word) of them all. Try putting out all the light, bring on your earphones and just listen, it's magic.

But apart from that i agree with most of what you say, and I sense that your are just as fanatic about these guys as I am. It's THE "band" for me.

P.S. Except for one thing. Which tracks on Filth Pig are you talking about when you say they're not Amazing? In my mind this record is worth 11!!!!!

P.P.S. Whats wrong with Danish? :-)

janz@direct.ca
Too heavy and slow but I can't wait for their next album. When's it due out?

v95linpe@vtek.chalmers.se (Peter Lindquist)
"The Fall", "Filth Pig", "Lay Lady Lay", "Lava" and "Reload" are brilliant. The rest of the songs are rubbish, weird riffs with no melodies. They should have released a "mini-cd" instead.

nfrost@concentric.net (Nathan T. Frost)
My personal opinion ratings: (out of 10): Twitch 4, Land Of Rape And Honey 6, The Mind Is A Terrible Thing To Taste 9, Psalm 69 [Kiliano or whatever] 8, Filth Pig 9.

I don't get what's so great about the song "Filth Pig"; it seems so repetitive and sluggish, with no real sampling to spice it up. It's pretty good, not great. Almost every other song on the CD impressed me plenty, especially "Reload" (proving Ministry can still do fast thrash metal), "Lay Lady Lay," and "The Fall."

And if Ministry keeps up its (excellent) musical patterns, it'll never be mainstream; their original (constantly evolving) sound is definitely an acquired taste.

But hell, I like it.

mercredi@bach.ccinet.ab.ca (Quentin Mercredi)
You hit the mark on this review. Filth Pig just doesn't sound like the Ministry we have grown to love (or hate?). Too slow. That is my main complaint. I like Ministry to be fast, or at least to use their samples and sound effects better.

mccort@1st.net (anna hitler)
i guess i kind of agree with peter. i mean most of the songs kick ass, but a few of them can get kind of annoying. "layladylay", "game show" are pure gold.

leek@mail.gte.net (Sue and Garry)
Um... can anyone tell me what the HELL Jourgensen is singing in "Lava"? The vocals are so distorted, at one point it sounds like he says "monkey float", and i hope it doesn't. Buy hey, i do like the sample that says "Be healed!", reminds of televangelists.

mcere@huron.net (Graham Cere)
what's wrong with drugs?

twonoahs@worldlynx.net (Steve Steiner)
Just picked up Filth Pig, my first Ministry album (your influence), and I've got to say, "Reload" is an amazing song. Every once in awhile a riff or hook sinks into your frontal lobes and sends out a constant signal to your cerebral cortex until you want to pull your hair out...in a good way. This is "Reload". The song kicks motherfuckin' ass. I'm still trying to appreciate the rest of the album. "Filth pig" has a cool vocal hook: Filth....Pig....Filth....Pig....FilthPig (you know it). "Gameshow" seems promising. Unfortunately, I am now learning from your comments it's the only Ministry Album like it. Ummmm, uh oh.

Macab27352@aol.com (Macabra)
ministry kicks every other bands ass....and that's all their is too say about the matter!

jfare@execpc.com (Jason Fare)
This record is absolute shit. It makes A Mind Is A Terrible Thing To Taste sound like Exile On Main Street.

nimafilm@swipnet.se
Filth pig IS the best Ministry album to this date. "reload" is the nr.1 and "lava" with the lyrics that made me in love with the world should get the nobel prize. I'm not an early ministry fan, I hate twitch and the early techno-pop Al and co made. But i've seen ministry live and never thought that I'll be so close to nirvana in this life...

gratner@ix.netcom.com (Cody Gratner)
(In and of itself): 9/10 (Ministry album): 6/10 "The Fall" and "Lava" are the best songs, then "Lay Lady Lay" (The Bob Dylan version is still better though...). "Filth Pig" is WAY too repetitive, even for Ministry. Go Hammond B-3 Organ! Yay, basslines NOT following the main guitar riffs!

The Fall/Reload - single: 7/10
"T.V. (Song?) III" is great in the extreme (Wha-Wha!). "The Fall" (Even longer = BETTER!) is the best song since Twitch. If I had my way, I'd have a 74 min. version of "The Fall".

Why do you care if Alain is on drugs (Drunk too?), or if he has never touched any of it.

rpolney@soback.kornet.nm.kr
No, not very good at all. Al is tired and old. Pukes like the Rolling Stones can put out the same crap year after year because Stones fans want the same shit year after year. Industrial fans want more, but Al has tried too hard to put out somthing new and he lost his inertia. He waited too long since the last album and lost his "drive." If Al puts out another album, he needs to go to some shithole sewer or a 10$ hotel with illicit substances and a case of Schlitz and rethink why his other albums were so fucking wild. I don't care if Al collaborates with Philip Glass on his next effort, but let it come from Al's creativity, not some desire to be different from Filth Pig. Metal, synth, minimalism, I don't care! I want Alien Jourgenson's best and wildest!

Orashid@concentric.net
How could anyone say that Ministry is jumping the bandwagon???? They built the fucking wagon!! They are the reason that industrial music actually is recognized as an actual form of music.

zvi@softhome.net (Alligator)
You know I think you don't like Ministry and that's it, but Why do you have to repeat it over and over? Just say it once and relax Ok?

portrid@yahoo.com (Barry Murphy)
godflesh are way better than ministry...the fall is the best track on this...THE FALL are way better than godflesh or ministry

mburrus@zdnetmail.com (Michael Burrus)
Man I REALLY like this album. I bought it just weeks ago and I'm already starting to enjoy it more than The Land Of Rape And Honey, and I would give a ten if it wasn't for "Useless". So as it is, I'll give it a very high 9.

"Reload" and "Lava" kick ass, as does the title track.

errado@ruralsp.com.br
In no way my favourite Ministry album, but: The song Filth Pig, although a little repetitive, has the biggest overall sound ever. When the guitar kicks in, holy mary. Reload sucks, as does half the album. However, not the half that's getting the praise. Dead Guy is great fun, if not very original. And Game Show is HUGE. Huge. Bigger than big, larger than large, who would guess slow doesn't have to be boring.

If you ever read a review where "weird" is used negatively, ignore it.

And Godflesh: great band, better than Ministry if you ask me. Pure is their weakest, go for the non-remix half of the Slavestate EP. All of Godflesh's very good long play albums would have been perfect EPs. So, in a way, Filth Pig is Ministry's Godflesh album.

fantomas001@yahoo.com (Florian Schneider)
IMO Filth Pig is "the" Ministry-Album,probably because it was the first one I got from them.Man,the sound is so heavy and dry that you get teethache from it.Besides their songs kick ass My favourites are "Filth Pig","Dead Guy"(wotta GROOVE!) and "Lay Lady Lay"

GO BUY THAT FUCKIN` CD

shawnrao@uiuc.edu
Filth Pig is gradually becoming my favorite album of all time. This was the last Ministry album that I purchased because I had read nothing but negative things about it. After one listen, I wasn't too impressed. Sure, songs like "Lava" and "Dead Guy" blew me away after the initial listen, but "Reload", the title track, and "Game Show" just didn't interest me at all. After popping this CD into my computer's CD Rom just about every single afternoon, it finally clicked. I finally understood the album and understood the grooves and anger that went into each song. After about 10 listens, I began to worship songs like "Game Show" and "Reload". "Game Show" is like a slowed down version of Master of Puppets and "Crumbs" and "Filth Pig" are just songs that I can't help but scream along to, although they are pretty repetitive. My biggest complaint is that I couldn't get a louder sound out of my monitor speakers. No matter how high I cranked up the volume, it just didn't seem to satisfy me. To appreciate this album, you just have to have this stuff vibrate through you. Another wonderful thing about this album is that each song is unique and has its own personality. Granted, each one of these personalities can sneak into your home at night and stab you in the back 35 times, but its easy to differentiate each song from the next. When I listen to Slayer's Reign in Blood and Sepultura's Beneath the Remains, the songs begin to sound the same, if not very similar to each other, and it gets boring after a while. I never have that problem with a Ministry album. Al Jourgenson is a God.

uglytruth@hotmail.com (Hossein Nayebagha)
It's quite a scary album at times, "Lava" sounds really mean, and I remember the experience of listening to the intro of "Game Show" on headphones when I was getting to sleep at night. At the time when I bought it, and prehaps still, it seemed like Jourgensen,like myself, knew exactly what heavy music should sound like; a lot of bands could get the right rythm but no one could pull off the sound production. All of the songs can be good if you don't listen to the whole song, my favourite is "Brick Windows" because it stands out of the pattern of angry,mean songs. I give it 8/10; I don't actually listen to it much these days, but it's a record that has had such a strong impact on me as a listener, and that's pretty much the point of art.

ricardo.nunez@poliformusa.com
… This is the point where Ministry ceased to exist for me. Gone is the sense of direction these guys had. Gone are the robotic grooves, the threatening speed, and the loud and distorted synthesizers. Now they are all heavy & slow; not that there is anything wrong with heaviness, it’s just that I like my Ministry to sound like C3PO on steroids, with laryngitis and with a very short temper… and a chainsaw…

Bob Royale
You either like it or you don't. I love it, really organic, slow and deliberate. Some people think this album blows, and if all you've heard is Psalm 69, it probably does- it's not a metal album. You have to spend time with it, it's rewarding the more you listen to it- there are weird "squishing" noises buried back under alot of the guitars...you can tell they spent a ton of time on this. Mind is a Terrible Thing To Taste is the BEST Ministry album, but this is MY personal favorite. It's bludgeoning, but there are a lot of trippy things going on as well. It's heavy, but not hard... this deserves a much better shake than most reviewers give it. It always sounds like it's going to implode, but it never does. It might be an acquired taste, but it's worth it. "A failing marriage slowly grinding into nothing" Fuck right! Right after their big money maker, too- what a great "FUCK YOU" to the music industry! The Fall is such a great damn song. This isn't for everyone, but it's great if you give it a chance.
Add your thoughts?

Dark Side Of The Spoon - Warner Brothers 1999.
Rating = 7


Well, it took the Ministers three years to record an album that sounds pretty much like the last one. Maybe not quite as slow and trudging, but still the same pounding, plodding, minimalist industrial-tinged heavy metal. And good! It's a little disappointing that they haven't gone out on a limb and tried something new (as they're wont to do), but they're really good at this style -- picking a simple but memorable pounding bass line, fiddling around with different types of heavy guitar distortion and singing through a fuzz pedal while the drummer poundididydounds away like a funkmeister. (By the by, I recently read that a Ministry sideman killed himself recently - does anyone know who it was?) If you like Filth Pig, you'll like this one. If you don't, stay at least six paces back at most times.

One interesting development that might interest those who find interesting developments of interest -- one of the songs features a banjo, and TWO tunes feature avant jazz saxophone wailing!!!!!!

Reader Comments

gbastien@sprint.ca
I agree, this is Filth Pig redone. Better, yes. Played back to back you really feel like killing somebody. Or is that just me. Heavy, heavy bass. Heavy, heavy distortion. On a hot, humid, hazy day.... god. It's really bad. In a good way. Some crazy drumming and weird vocal tricks. I don't know. This one's gonna take a few listens for me to really decide if it's any good. By the bye, it was William Tucker who committed suicide.

errado@ruralsp.com.br
Filth Pig minus any imagination and ideas whatsoever. So: not weird at all, some people might like it.

DSwalen@Concentric.net (Doug Swalen)
This is lifeless. The band sounds so bored. The first song is sort of interesting in an annoying sort of way but after that each track sort of blends in to the next track. The guitar chops are nothing to write home about and Al's vocals at times border on the tedious. It's like they just don't care anymore....

insectcalm@webtv.net
i just have to say i find it funny how you rile everyone up . i love ministry , and this album is really cool to listen to . i like all the baanjos they souynde eerie. their drummer killed himself i believe, but i dont know

GENEAIAROCCI@att.net
yet another album:

this is a very burnt ministry recording.but it is a little interesting.i have been listening to ministry since 1981 and they did truly come a long way as far as experimental music and the fateful drug abuse. i will give a 7 for this recording. it starts off hard and fast but it loses potential drastically. the best yet of ministry are twitch,land of rape and honey, mind is a terrible thing to taste and in case you didn't feel like showing up {live} i still am curious what ministry will come up with next

berquana@exotrope.net (Z Schoonover)
Being a long time ministry fan, I was happy when Filth Pig was Fianlly released. When I first heard FILTH PIG it was ok, some really great songs, and some not so great songs. However, when SPOON was released it pulled me in with two great opening songs and then it fell to shite. In other words: This album makes Filth Pig look absolutely irresistable.

revsoul@videotron.ca (Marc)
...Ministry has seen WAY BETTER DAYS...just goes to show you that sometimes rehab destroys whatever is left of you...(and no, I'm not condoning drugs, I'm just pointing out that Al may have lost his edge when the drugs dissappated...so like...don't do drugs!)...I'm sure it was business as usual with this record, which is a shame...for a band that almost singlehandledly saved metal from becoming a joke...the drum sounds are from the eighties christ...with Al, you almost expected him to reinvent himself after going as far as he did with a 'guitar oriented' band...but I guess when you've done what he has...trying to find a new challenge may be a bit harder than one might think...maybe the album was therapeutic, but I just find it lacking interest...please Al...just take the medication and get stronger...we'll wait...

brain_of_j@hotmail.com (Tommy Joyce)
Damn you, typer of G (capital! you must use your little finger to press down Shift!) with the left hand! I knew there was some trick to writing fast and funny. Never have heard of this Ministry band, but I’ve simply this to say to you, after reading your bullshit for some 3 hours in a row, the trick being that it’s 4.20am in the morning (these 2 factors, plus a large bottle of Coca-Cola that is now nearly empty, have no doubt contributed to the phantastic realization that I’ve suddenly had, that in fact it is not necessary for man to sleep at all: it is just habit, once you use your force of will to stay away from it, suffer the withdrawal, the addiction will wear off - and man will enter a higher state of being, one not of lazying around 1/3 of the day but of dedication, work, reading Prinfle) – your musical tastes are horrid. It’s not even funny. (Btw, neither are the reviews of this particular band, except for the sticking your foot in your ear and listening to Crass bits; you might wanna cut out the unnecessary wordiness if, 1, it’s not even funny in a way that I haven’t heard before in the last 3 hours, 2, it’s all just mindlessly descriptive impressionistic “self-service” (wanking off) concerning a band nobody probably had any business caring for in the first place.) None of your arguments against the “manufactured mindless stolen melodyless crap that MTV foul our minds with” have any weight if you think bloody Life’s Rich Pageant is a 10-star album: THREE good songs it has! What is the matter with you? If fucking Hyena and Cuyabloodynomelodyhyga are GREAT songs, then I have a GREAT 12-inch dick! Sure, we’d all like them to be great songs, it being a college cult no-lovesongs clever anti-mtv nobody’s heard it but the real fans album – but then again, I’d sure like to have a great big 12-inch dick also! So if you don’t have the guts/sense to admit that besides Fall On Me, These Days and Superman there is not a single original/engaging melody on that LP, why should I ever think that this Ministry jewishness is worthy of frying in my Anschultz of sound (excuse me/fuck you)? Why? WHY? WHY OF WHY? HOW MANY BLOWS CAN IT TAKE TO KILL A FUCKING BASTARD BLOODY WHORE OF A FLY?

Bob Royale
Still sludgey, but not as cool or developed as Filthpig. Supermanic Soul is mean as hell, total dirtbag 2-note riff, but most of it's pretty disappointing. Don't get me wrong- Filthpig is really depressing, too! But that one is thoughtfully depressing, this one just sort of wallows in it and never really takes it anywhere. It's not SHITTY, but it's nowhere near required listening- they've done this sound better before this cd. Not a waste of money, but not a priority either.

Add your thoughts?

Sphinctour - Sanctuary 2002.
Rating = 8


What is the POINT of a Ministry live CD that only covers Filth Pig and Psalm 69 (and "Thieves")? Why issue a 1996 live show in 2002, rather than a later Dark Side of the Spoon show? Did they not tour for that album? Why release a live CD where all the songs sound nearly identical to the studio versions, down to the placement of the samples? Why is "Jesus Built My Hotrod" NOT on here, ruining any chance this might have of serving as a comprehensive "Best of" compilation of two old Ministry albums? For that matter, why release a live album right after you've just released a greatest hits album? And why include the title tracks of the two studio albums, arguably (I'd argue, anyway) among the weakest tracks the band has ever done? It's a pointless, worthless, stupid release! I give it a high 8!

Has "Reload" always had that mandolin in it? That kicks ass!!! And how about the way they add an aggressive stutter guitar to "N.W.O."? These songs are awesome!!!! And aside from the two title tracks, these songs are awesome!!!! I give it a NINE!!!! But only an 8, at the same time!!!!

I broke boards in Tae Kwon Do the other day. WIth my FIST. And my HAND. And my ELBOW. And my FOOT. So don't FUCK with me anymore, bullies of the world. I'll break YOU too!!!! Kyeeaaaahh! Cherry-up! Kyin-yang! Pilsan! Mon! Hanna! Du! Siet! Niet! Dasu! Yosu! Ilga! Yodel! Ahop! Yul!

The Koreans love Yul Brynner. While we're on the topic of baldies, supposedly this Rogaine I spray on my head twice a day is WORKING! This is great news, as I spray the roof of my mouth too! The wife says I need to see a therapist again. That I'm "not able to let go of my thoughts" and "filled with incorrect beliefs about life" and "extremely unhappy due to an inability to control my anxiety." Hey, is it MY FAULT that the entire global economy rests on whether my record reviews suck or not?

Oh like you didn't notice? I suppose it was just a COINCIDENCE that the Great Depression occurred the same week I compared Ben Selvin and his Orchestra's "Broadway Melody" to 40 gallons of horse poop crammed inside a saxophone filled with piss?

Reader Comments

galleyian@mac.com (Ian Galley)
Check out the DVD, very good.

What I recall from that tour, (I saw them, with a head full of acid, in Nottingham, in QUADAPHONIC sound!), is Rey, the drummer, almost dying whilst drumming Just One Fix, just cause it's so hard. Heh Heh, good memories. That and my entire innards trying to force themselves out of my body during the final, bloody, bass melch at the end of The Fall. The DVD kind of illustrates the mayhem, but Barker kept hitting it for about 3 minutes. It was horrible, because of the anticipation. You knew coming, was another, even louder, even lower, even eviler bass hit and you couldn't escape! Ha!

The gig ended with a deranged Scotsman turning to me and screaming, "It's coming out of the fucking floor!" Memories, you wouldn't trade them.

William Smith
The CD is a rip off while the DVD is quite possibly the best thing they've ever done. In addition to losing the great 5.1 mix and incredible visuals, they cut "So What?" and "Stigmata" from the cd!

Add your thoughts?

Animositisomina - Sanctuary 2003.
Rating = 7


UPDATE: I ORIGINALLY GAVE THIS ALBUM AN 8, BUT WHEN I REVISITED IT A YEAR LATER, I REALIZED THAT THE "POPPIER" ASPECTS OF THIS ALBUM ARE ACTUALLY KIND OF IRRITATING, AND FAR TOO MANY OF THE SONGS ARE "JUST OKAY" OR BASED AROUND REALLY GENERIC CHORD SEQUENCES. THE PRODUCTION IS FANTASTIC, THERE ARE SOME NEAT COMPOSITION IDEAS AND NOISES, AND "IMPOSSIBLE" IS QUITE HONESTLY ONE OF THE ABSOLUTE GREATEST GODDAMNED SONGS THEY (OR ANYBODY ELSE) HAS EVER DONE. BUT IT'S JUST TOO SPOTTY TO DESERVE AN 8. SORRY! NOW HERE'S THE EXCITABLE ORIGINAL REVIEW.

Menstruation are back with what at first glance appears to be More Of The Same! (M.O.T.S.) After all, you can't spell "aniMOSiTiSOMina" without M.O.T.S.! (Mike's Only Turd Shoe). Industrial metal is yet again on the minds of our friends Paul Barker and Alan Jourgenson, with the doomy pounding and heavy metallic juh-juh-juh crushing chords and heavily distorted shouted vocals doing the same things to your bypass surgery stitches as Dark Side Of The Spoonerism did four years earlier (i.e. knocking them loose so your kidney falls out). But as te CD spins round and round in your defbox mosheen, suddenly some new shifts in the tectonic plates of their musicplan head their ugly rears OH GOD I'M GONNA VOMIT I'M WRITING LIKE CHUCK EDDY

BLAAAAAAAAAAARGH!!! (sploosh sploosh sploosh)

But it really does start off as basic industrial metal -- to the point where the chorus of the first song (a distorted high-register shout of the title) sounds like "Weird Al" Yankovic doing a Ministry parody (and it's every bit as hilarious as his Nine Inch Nails parody "Germs"! Which has NO JOKES in it!).

But as quickly as even the second song, they start making the kind of excellent, thoughtful and ACCESSIBLE songwriting decisions that bring in additional melodicism without pushing the anger and volume to the side at all. On top of its stutter-stop Led Zeppelin-style riffin', "Unsung" has a vocal line that's actually SUNG! It has a VOCAL MELODY! "Lockbox" has an aggressive, loud, smash-and-grab chord riff that's POPPY!!!! Three happyass chords that'll have you bouncing to and fro like a merry flower or man dressed as a flower! "The Light Pours Out Of Me" is a wonderful pop-rock song, featuring a happy NOTE (NOTE!??!?!?) guitar riff that sounds like Blue Oyster Cult at their happiest! "Impossible" is in 7/4 and has a really loud guitar part that only climbs into the left speaker during the second half of each line.... along with a creepy, harrowing, unforgettably sad/gorgeous "chorus" and ANOTHER note-driven riff at the end. "Stolen" has oh hang on I forgot the exclamation point. ! "Stolen" has this weird as shit orange fuzzy cheeto crunchy bright guitar tone that rings, tingles and disorients (especially when a disgusting woozy wind-noise break comes in!). And "Leper" sounds like OLD Ministry! WIth the heavy bass driving the song! For nine minutes!

Sure there's some PISS on it - for example, the song "Piss," which is about as generic as industrial metal gets. Then there's "Broken," a not-awful riff made sickening by "funny" redneck vocals that SUCK BALLS SO HARD THE SKIN POPS OPEN AND THE TWO TESTES FLOW INTO THEIR (the vocals') MOUTH AND GET STUCK IN THEIR THROAT, MAKING THEM TURN BLUE AND POINT AT THEIR THROAT UNTIL FINALLY A WAITER RUNS OVER AND GIVES THEM THE HEIMLICH MANEUVER AT WHICH POINT THE TESTES GO FLYING ACROSS THE RESTAURANT AND LAND IN A RICH SNOOTY OLD WOMAN'S MARTINI. SHE SEES THEM AND SAYS TO HER SNOOTY OLD FRIEND, "OH LOOK! THEY BROUGHT MORE OLIVES!" AND CHEWS THEM UP, SMILING. AND THUS ENDETH MY PROPOSED SCRIPT FOR CADDYSHACK 3. Then there's "Shove," the very definition of why I hate most industrial music - all drama and pounding with no melody at all).

I chose to describe individual tracks for you because, as I pointed out oh so many characters ago, Ansimomiddyabina at first sounds like it has no musical evolution at all. But it does, I tell ya! And I want you to take notice! They try all kinds of different things on here to spruce up the basic "workhouse" Ministry sound. And it works! Goodly!

Goodly PROCTOR, that is! Heh heh heh! There I go again - ending yet another review with an Arthur Miller reference!

(by the way, Arthur wrote another play, it was about a guy named Willie! He friggin kept talkin' to himself - Actin' really silly!)

Reader Comments

galleyian@mac.com (Ian Galley)
Hi Mark, hi his typing slave.

Just thought I'd throw my thoughts at the wall and see what sticks.

A new Ministry album. Hmmmm. i was weary even to hear this after the banality of 'Dark Side of the Spoon' but I'm the captain of my pain so I shelled out £11.99 from the local Avril Lavigne* superstore, returned to my sordid little grief hole, drew the curtains, rolled a fat 'un, poured me some port and popped the disk into my beaten down player...

Listen 1) Initially overjoyed at Animosity. Mark, I like the chorus/screaming title. There, sod you! Even better is the knackered engine/chuggy chuggy guitar sample intro. Next few tracks; started to have 'Spoon' flashbacks, not pleasant. 'Broken' sounds like Psalm 69 with crap lyrics. Nice keyboards at end though. Then 'Light Pours out of Me'; thinking "this sounds like early Fall (easy guitar line repeated ad infinitum). Impossible wants me to be 16 again^, in a small, dirty club with a huge sound system. Then 'Stolen'. Wow!! This is, ahem, 'the shit.' Instrumental bores me to roll another.

Listen 2) Start to hear the guitar sampling abandon a la The Young Gods. Next few tracks get my toes-a-tapping, (still poor songs, but they can still pull out the loudest drums bar Mr Crover.$. The next 10 mins pass as I decipher the credits and find out 'Light Pours Out...' is a Magazine song, (you know your post-punk Manchester scene don't you Mark?) 'Stolen' gets put on repeat for next 10 mins.

Lots of Port, Sherry, Mead and Weed.

Listen 5, or 6, or blah, blah) There, it all clicks. The best Ministry album since.... who cares! How can a bunch of 45 year olds sound so important? (Not politically, though 'New World Order' sounds so scary now!) Although I wish the whole album sounded like 'Stolen' I realise that would kill them and though I wish 98% of people making music would stop%, I do not wish this on these kind hearted gents.

Nine out of Ten.

A wise man once said, "Never judge an album until you've used up all your Eq settings." If you have itunes I strongly recommend Melvins' H.A.T on Piano.

Inlay/credit notation shenanigan concept.

* Miss Lavingne... I was working in London, freelance editing for a bunch of scallywags when an agent from bmg, (Bertlesman Media Grope), interrupted my hectic schedule so we could do frame grabs for the release of Skater Boy. "He is a fish, She is a horse, could there be anything queasier?". Luckily there was no audio track but I had to go frame by frame, so to grab shots for the Cd single cover. Multiply 25 fps (this is the UK, we don't need an extra 5.33 to rot our brains) by the length of the promo (approx. 3'50") Do the maths, (I don't, I failed maths, luckily 25 is easy to multiply). 5750. How many shots could we find? About ten. Yes TEN!! HOW??? Why didn't they just do shots on the actually shoot? I KNOW bmg have launched mind-control satellites to make the populace consume. And they've poisoned the rivers, streams and oceans, (the pour, pour whales!! oooo eee ooo ooo ooo ee oo ooo ooo ooo ooo oo oo o oo o???? = I ain't shagging you! I'll find myself an orca who likes Chas n'Dave (now Mark, there's a gauntlet thrown your way!) How they missed the shot of the copper chopper's blades whipping up Avril's tie, strangling her, drenching her followers in her blood, thus creating a new, true martyr. THAT would sell a record!!!

^ I'm glad I'm not 16. I remember, I hated being 16. Too many people, cowards and criminals. Throwing up black sick on the bedroom walls, waking up my dad who had to be at work 4 hours later, seeing an expression which I NEVER want to see again EVER.

$ Oh can he drum! Melvins' H.A.T is the only album you'll need post Mr Bush and Mr Blairs crazy summer holiday.

% Maybe that should be qualified as people releasing music! I make music and, though it tickles me, it's CRAP!

News from Air Strip One.

Don't be fooled by Ali G. He's washed up. Look for Avid Merrion. A loon. You won't buy Robbie Williams. Good on you! THATS the reason I put to shame all these lobotomised Anti-American arseholes in this sordid little country. Did you know you have to pay £5 per day to enter London. You could offer me £5 million and I still wouldn't enter that shit hole! There's a trial going on concerning 'Who wants to be a millionaire' 'tis alleged the contestant had 4 pagers strapped to his limbs so moles could page him the correct answer. He did win the million. (Though how a subterranean mammal could operate a pager beats me!) Also alleged a serious of coughs raised alarm too. (Was the leader of the torries implicit too?) Can you lot do better? The Scaramanga Six have released an album you lot might like. Go to Wrath Records (a dot UK). Mark, they're tight Northern Bastards so they won't send you one. (Yes I read your pre-amble, stop whining, get to work!) Buy it. I'm not in the band, nor have anything to do with the label. As I said, my music's crap SO SHOULD NEVER BE RELEASED!!!!!!!! Keep up the site. Your wisdom is faulty, but from the heart. And you pet dog is smashing.

To myself: shut up NOW!

You'll never see my like again.

altrockreview@hotmail.com (Nick Collings)
I've been listening to the latest Ministry record for a few weeks now, and I still can't remember how any of the songs go - except the cover version which is damn catchy. Still Animositisomina is damn fine moshing music and although no Psalm69, it still rocks my boat all the same.

soul_crusher77@hotmail.com (Mike K.)
I really wanted to not like this when it came out, but now I think that while it's no The Mind Is A Terrible Thing To Taste, it's hearteningly good for a band I was about to give up on after Dark Side Of The Spoon. For a long time the only things that stick out are "the light pours out of me" and "unsung", due to being the only songs with actual vocal melodies, but taken as a whole it's a solid slab of industrial metal, and while they're not really doing anything they haven't done before, there's enough enthusiasm, focused rage, and odd musical ideas thrown in to keep it from sounding like going through the motions. By the way, for the longest time I was mentally switching around the last three letters of the album title and thinking it was called "Animositisomnia", as in some sort of disease where you can't sleep and are really angry about it or something, instead of "Animositisomina", as in animosity backwards and forwards without the y. I'm stupid like that sometimes.

Oh, and who the hell told you about my only turd shoe??? I really try to keep that sort of thing private, but I guess there's just no trusting some people...

bclord@sfu.ca (Bruce Lord)
Ahoy there, dean!

I hate for my first comment to be a whiny lil' asspick of an observation, but whaddayaknow? It ain't stoppin' me. I figured that since "The Light Pours

Out Of Me" was mentioned a couple of times it might be worth pointing out that the track is a Magazine (Howard Devoto's post-Buzzcocks project, few other notable names involved) cover. It's on a bunch of their albums: "Play" (live and probably closed to Ministry's version), "Real Life" (probably the best, angstiest version) and "An Alternative Use Of Soap" (North American promo album w. demos, etc, pretty weak version of the track).

Beyond that, not much to say: thus far the only record released this year I've liked more than "Animositisomina" is the new Wire album. Here's hoping Al gets that Ministry/ohGr/Rev Co festival together!

tomgipson@gmail.com
I have to say that I do disagree with you on this one. I really love this album, and the new one (houses) is great, but I feel that it really obscures this one. As much as I dig Houses, it lacks all the really weird tracks like "Unsung," "Stolen," etc. I suppose I'm more into the trippier stuff Ministry's done...

Bob Royale
Weird production, really trebly guitar with a fat mid-rangey bass and clear distorted drums- it SOUNDS GOOD. Some of it rules (Impossible is fantastic, the Magazine cover is dead nuts cool), some of it is boring and pointless (Piss is whiney crap, the last song really serves no point). It sounds smart, for the most part (they get stupid as hell soon). It's worth listening to. Fuck, it's worth the money just for Impossible- that song is fantastic! And the guy from Skrew (I think) shows up to do an unfunny rodeo thing, but that song sucks so who cares. It's the last time they sound brainy at all.
Add your thoughts?

Houses Of The Mole' - Sanctuary 2004
Rating = 8


Hey! It's as if the last ten years never happened! Here we are back in KEIAHNO World, with the most simplistic headbanging speed metal riffs that ever kicked my ass with their impotent obviousness. That's GOOD though! Maybe not good in the way that Al Jourgenson intended (i.e. "We're the heaviest, meanest thrash band in the world!"), but good in an extremely listenable, headbanging, mosh pitting, "Thank God they're not trying to be clever - they're just playing old school thrash!" way. Three of the nine tracks are high-speed hardcore thrash and two others are uptempo run around in a circle banging your head speed metal, leaving a mere FOUR midtempo-to-slower tracks to interject a bit of dark modern Killing Joke-esque industrial metal emotion to an otherwise joyously retro mid-80s Caught In A Mosh Thrash Zone collection of Anthrax/Death Angel strict-and-rigid awesomnisity. In fact, from now on I'm going to actually refer to the album as Awesomnisitisinmosewa. Hell, I might even go down to the local Turtle's Record Bar Town with my handy-dandy ballpoint pen and actually CHANGE the name of the album on all spines, discs and documentation! Might as well - it's certainly not any dumber and less out-of-place than Houses Of The Mole' (DEEEUHHRHRRRR) What the fuck does this album have to do with Led Zeppelin or Mexican food? I'll tell ya what - SHIT for what! THAT's what! (SHIT for what, that is) What. Is what that is. (SHIT) (for what).

A more appropriate name for the LP might be I Hate You, Ronald Reagan! because the album not only features George W. Bush samples in about half of the songs (including the hilroarious cut-and-splice "I have a message for the people of Iraq: Go home and die."), but eight of the nine song titles begin with the letter "W" (though "WTV" is kinda pushing it for YET ANOTHER FUCKING SEQUEL TO "TV SONG"), the ninth is a follow-up to the George H.W. Bush slam "N.W.O." entitled (ya'all ready for this?) "No W." Now that's honestly clever! I LOVE that! Actually, some of the lyrics take half-brained swipes at hizzoner of stupid assholeness too, but not in a way that will impress anyone over age 19 (unless you're driven wild by dopey third-grade level rhymes like "Whoever told you that you were bright/The skull and bones, the conservative right/You're like a plague turning day into night." I'm so SICK of third graders making references to the Yale's Skull and Bones Society. Jesus, is it all those eight-year-old liberal fuckheads ever TALK about?? FUCK YOU, THIRD GRADER FUCKHEADS!!!

If you've ever visited my site before, you may have noticed that for quite some time, I had given scores of 8 out of 10 to both Animositisomina and Dark Side Of The Spoon. This was a mistake. I listened very closely to both CDs recently, and both of them have way too many shitty songs to earn more than a 7 on my United Nations-approved Grading Scale. Thus, I lowered them both to a 7 in demonstration of their inferiority to the previous four Ministry studio albums. But the 8 out of 10 I award herein for this brand new CD is for real. I keep listening to the CD over and over and although it doesn't bowl me over with any sort of groundbreaking industrial noise mania, it nevertheless entertains me clear through from beginning to end, and quite often makes me bang my head excitedly too, like a younger man or teen would. The guitars are loud as helclk, the drums and vocals are more distorted than your vision after drinking 15 pints of Goldschlager! WHOO!!OO! BEER AND ALCOHOL!!!!! and most importantly, there are NO lousy songs on here. There are some ANNOYING ones, certainly, but only in the interest of intensity (e.g. continuously using the deafening sounds of machine gun fire as a double-bass drum break in "Waiting") and good humor (g.e. smith: interrupting "WTV"'s smile-making samples galore with unforgivably distracting high-speed guitar/drum SMASH SMASH SMASH attacks). Otherwise it's smooth sailing through piles of stripped-down riffage and one really great midtempo scrape-and-trudge basher called "WKYJ" that sounds like Husker Du and Helmet have come together for a Jamcon '84. It's good good good! Good good good! And remember - "Good" spelled backwards is "Dog"!

Well, I mean a really long dog. Like a dachshund.

If I may finish my review with two assholish comments -- (A) the chord changes in the album's sole epic "Worm" sound awfully similar to those of Wire's "40 Versions" (but with a beautiful lead guitar on top - TO BE FAIR). And (A.1) the "rockin' out" section of "Worthless" sounds dangerously similar to that of Kansas's rock and roll classic "Carry On Wayward Son," hereforth to be referred to as "Worst Song Ever."

Reader Comments

brianjc@webtv.net (Brian Carlson)
Animositdhjhdjasfamnas was a step in the right direction, but this album is the real "comeback" as the kids say. Regardless of the occasional stupid lyric (I ended up with some promo version sans lyric sheet, so I can't understand most of them anyway), it's apparent the possibility of George W's reelection lit a fire under Al's ass. No more sludgy experimentalism (well ok, maybe the last 3 songs would sort of fit in on Filth Pig, but they're pretty good anyway, heck "Worm" again actually has a melody), just lots of simplistic but cool Psalm 69-ish thrash riffage and creepy samples. "No W" is definitely the best here, what with one of the best riffs, the spookily authoritatian Bush soundbites, and samples of Carl Orff's "Carmina Burana" (which plebians such as yourself and me until I read other reviews of this album may know as "that creepy opera chant thing from Conan The Barbarian, The Doors, and pretty much any ! movie trailer that features stuff blowing up but is slightly too classy to set it to edgy nu-metal"), but also great are "Warp City" (way to kick ass there, new drummer whose name I'm not going to bother looking up!) and "WTV". Why the damn 69 tracks thing again though? That's pretty annoying. It is kind of cool that the 23rd is a "No W" with a longer intro and Slayer-style string-assaulting guitar solo though.

eclipsereviews@hotmail.com (Roland Fratzl)
Now this is a fucking comeback. Angry vocals + brutal riffs + speed = happy headbangers (like me). Most reviews have been saying this is their strongest album since at least 1992's Psalm 69, but I think this is better than even that - it's right up there with The Mind Is A Terrible Thing To Taste, if not better. Best ever Ministry album in 2004, a good decade and a half removed from their creative peak? Hard to believe, but right now I'm inclined to think that way. Like you said, there's nothing actually new in the music here, but there's an energy and purpose in the form of consistently well crafted songs that make it a delight to listen to, perhaps more so than even their classic albums. There's only one weaker song on the album ("World"), but it's not terrible or anything. One more thing: the main riff in "Wrong" is a clear rip off of Rammstein's "Zwitter"!

galleyian@mac.com
Nope, sorry but this is a huge step backwards. The first listening left me crying with boredom, the second with apathy. Not to make too great a decision on a few listens, I borrowed (i.e. nicked) my mates copy, he won't mind as he thinks it's utter shite. So I've tried on & off for three weeks and I can now pronounce the All-New Ministry album is passable. Not the most rockin' adjective, but damning enough. There are around 3 good tunes, (No W... which is a rejigged Bad Blood, I don't mind as BB is shite; Waiting & Worm), but the rest is tired, very tired. WTV nearly made the positive list until the headphone test revealed it to have been mixed by a 4 year old, great use of stereo chaps (PAH.)

Must go, phone is ringing & I bet it's telesales again!! Yes it was, that silent salesman... so shit at his job!!

Bob Royale
It's all about asskicking here. See, Barker and his whole "not being the industrial Gene Simmons" thing left after the last one, so Al decided to go with all of his good ideas here- and he had a cd worth, no doubt! Worthless stands amongst the strongest they've ever done, and the whole thing is a thrash rock good time. It's the Psalm 69 sound, but way more consistent. It is the most KICK ASS cd they have by far, you could even drink beer and unsuccessfully hit on girls to this at a party! It's fun, it's hard and heavy- hell, it's worth your dirty dollar.
Add your thoughts?

Rantology - Sanctuary 2005
Rating = 8


....and it looks like the Smelly Shoe Brigade is out in full force today, so watch out for that. Over to you, Mark.

Howdy folks! Mark Prindle here with your Wacky Weather Weport! (*bright yellow umbrella pops down from ceiling, accompanied by comical BOING! noise*) Looks like rain today (*bright yellow stain appears on crotch of white pants, accompanied by comical PISS! noise*) - FUCK! I PISSED MY MOTHERFUCKING PANTS! (*cut to commercial*)

Yes, those were good times. But we can't live in the past. Unless our names are Paul McCartney, that is! Have you read his semi-autobiography Many Years From Now? I ask because a few things in it are freakin' me right on ass-out and I wanted to discuss them with you. Please note that this is not a 'joke' portion of the review. I hereby quote Paul McCartney directly from pg. 28 of this book:

(about his mother): "At night there was one moment when she would pass our bedroom door in underwear, which was the only time I would ever see that, and I used to get sexually aroused. Just a funny little bit. I mean, it never went beyond that but i was quite proud of it. I thought, 'That's pretty good.' It's not everyone's mum that's got the power to arouse."

(about he and his friends' 'masturbation circles'): "We used to have wanking sessions when we were young at Nigel Whalley's house in Woolton. We'd stay overnight and we'd all sit in armchairs and we'd put all the lights out and being prepubescent boys we'd all wank. What we used to do, someone would say 'Brigitte Bardot.' 'Ooh!' that would keep everyone on par, then somebody, probably John (Lennon), would say, 'Winston Churchill.' 'Oh no!' and it would completely ruin everyone's concentration."

So, to summarize: (1) Paul McCartney got a boner looking at his mom and (B) Paul McCartney and John Lennon used to do circle jerks together.

Say! Anyone up for some Rolling Stones?!?

On a related note, what the frigerator is the point of this new Ministry CD? Who is the audience supposed to be? It only has two new songs! The rest are 'remixes' of old songs. It's not a 'greatest hits,' nor is it much of a bargain for the fanbase who actually still buy Ministry albums (which, judging from recent record sales, appears to be... me). So what's the point? Just to put something cheap out there to try and make a few dollars in an off-year? Even stupider is this new Nirvana CD. Have you seen this? "The Best of the Box"? Let me explain something here -- anybody who cares enough about Nirvana to want to hear a bunch of their demos and outtakes ALREADY BOUGHT THE BOX. Who does DGC expect to purchase a single CD featuring the 'highlights' of a bunch of outtakes!? The Dumbest Man In America!? Well, I already asked and Chevy Chase has no interest.

But back to Ministry's Rantology for a second. First of all, the album cover looks like it was put together by an 8-year-old Rolling Stones fan. It is by far the worst Ministry CD cover of all time - and I'm saying this as a person who until two weeks ago thought that the cover of Land Of Rape And Honey was just a big purple cloud! Secondly, though it boasts "reduxes," "update mixes" and "alternate mixes" of eight different songs, only TWO of them sound like Al has bothered doing anything to them. (These would be "No W," which starts with a long scary Church choir, and "N.W.O.," which now incorporates George W. Bush samples alongside the George H.W. Bush originals; "Jesus Built My Hotrod" has a different Gibby intro too, but who gives a shit?) Thirdly, the three live tracks are pulled directly from Sphinctour (what - is that the only concert they've ever recorded? Come on - put some EFFORT into your product!) And fourthly, the two new songs aren't very good. They're not terrible, but they're not great.

Okay, generally speaking, what we have is a compilation of loud metallic songs by Ministry, many of which are great but some of which simply aren't. More specifically, we have eight remixes, one song from a video game, one new track scheduled to appear on Ministry's 2006 studio release, and five songs pulled directly from Sphinctour, Houses of the Mole and Animositisomina. Even more specifically, to the point of being anal, we have four Houses Of The... tracks, three Psalm 69, two Animositisominanimositisominanimositetc, and one each from The Mind Is..., The Land Of..., Filth Pi..., Dark Side Of The..., their next album, and a popular videogame whose name I've forgotten. (The song's called "Hey Ms. Pac-Man, Keep On Rockin' Along" if that's any help.)

Ministry's production has certainly improved over the years - it's astonishing how quiet and harmless "Jesus Built My Hotrod" sounds alongside the violently-loud-and-distorted-as-ALL-HELL Houses Of The... songs. But everyone who's anyone knows how spotty their studio records have been been since Psalm 69. So what a wonderful relief that this highlights compilation is ALSO SPOTTY BECAUSE HE PICKED SO MANY WRONG SONGS!!! What the fuck is "Bad Blood" doing on here? It's the exact same chord sequence as "No W." but SLOWER! And "Animosity"? Is there a worse track on that album? I don't think so! And yes, it's cute, but "Psalm 69" is NOT A SONG. It's a goof! And not even a goof that ages well! At least Al was 'with it' enough to make sure that the AWESOME "Thieves," "Stigmata," "Unsung," "Wrong," "Warp City" and "The Fall" made the cut. Those are some kickass ass-kickers! But wait -- if you're reading this web page, don't you OWN them already? And if you're not reading this web page, what are you - too good for this web page? Well, I got news for you, Mr. Fancypants Too Good For This Web Page -- Eat shit!

Let me close by briefly discussing the two songs you might not have heard. "The Great Satan" certainly doesn't give me hope that the next album will be as good as the last one; essentially it sounds like a weak outtake from that record. Sounds just like those fast loud yellers - even down to the George W. Bush samples - but hindered by a basic, boring chord sequence. The videogame song, "Bloodlines," begins as a sickeningly obvious rip-off of "So What," but soon develops its own personality in the form of a neat bass/guitar line. Unfortunately, that's the only good part of the song and they repeat it for 45 minutes when not switching to the other, crappier part.

Can you get a copy of this CD cheap and/or free? Then by all means, do so! Have you not heard any Ministry since Twitch and are eager to hear what they've been up to for the larger portion of your life? This is the album for you! Otherwise, ask yourself the question I asked myself after paying $9 for this pointless retread: "Why the hell did I buy this?"

But ask it to yourself BEFOREHAND, see.

I know it can get confusing, and you might look around the room trying to figure out what you bought that you're now having doubts about, but that's perfectly normal. This is because I've hypnotized you. You may not have noticed but this entire review is shaped like a stopwatch swinging slowly back and forth! When I clap my hands, you will wake up and remember one thing: "Men who write shitty record reviews also have huge puds and can make love all night like a stallion."

(*CLAP!*)

No no -- I said "like a stallion"! Please take your pet stallion away at this instant!

(*goes to Paul McCartney and Ringo Starr's house; jerks off with them*)

Reader Comments

Casey
This is an album to fulfill obligations with their record label. Too bad this is the only worthy quality about this disc, because the plastic could have been better used aiding in the creaton of overpriced consumer electronics. I'm also worried about the new album based on that new track. Talk about a yawn-fest.

However, a few days after being bored to death with this album, I read that Al is working with Tommy Victor, Paul Raven, and the drummer from Slipknot (the masked one) for the new album/tour. It's good to see Tom Thumb and Pill Rivets working together again after such a nasty split up. That Great American Jeff Gordon Pewter Train Set debacle was just the straw that broke the camel's back.

Tim Victory also played on the last Danzig album, but that was a piece of shit anyway. By the way, Martin Atkins hates Prong; said they were a Killing Joke cover band.

Regardless, I hope the new Ministry album isn't another 12 tracks of how a Republican politician is evil. Quite a revelation there Al.

Add your thoughts?

Rio Grande Blood - 13th Planet 2006
Rating = 5


Before we begin, let me share with you a few 'parody' versions of the "Janie's Got A Gun" chorus that you might have heard emanating from my apartment last night:

"Janie's Got Nice Buns"

"Janie's Got The Runs"

"Henry's Got A Tongue"

"What did his daddy do? Made the bathroom smell like poo"

Yes, my wife and I certainly make a hilarious team!

(Possible punchlines include: "Not a sports team though, so stop watching us with binoculars asshole" OR "A team of SPERM, that is!" OR "If they turn out not to be funny, we take our lovemaking skills elsewhere")

Some time ago, I made a remark on www.markprindle.com to the following effect: "'The Great Satan' certainly doesn't give me hope that the next album will be as good as the last one; essentially it sounds like a weak outtake from that record. Sounds just like those fast loud yellers - even down to the George W. Bush samples - but hindered by a basic, boring chord sequence."

Well, that goes double for the new album.

(?)

Rio Grande Blood is what happens when Alain Jourgensen records three complete studio albums in less than three years. He runs out of songs, but keeps pressing 'record' anyway. Public Enemy did something similarly boneheaded, releasing two complete albums in a single year and making the handful of us who still follow the old bags sit through the appropriately-named New Whirl Odor. So from now on, I'm going to refer to Ministry as "The Public Enemy Of Industrial Metal."

When Paul "Terminator X" Barker decided to retire from The Public Enemy Of Industrial Metal in 2004, there were some who said it didn't really matter because Alain "Chuck D" Jourgensen has always really been the mastermind behind the band. But sources close to the band report that this isn't the case at all, and that Alain has a bad habit of claiming more credit than is due him. Rio Grande Blood would certainly support such a supposition, as new writing partner Tommy "Sister Souljah" Victor (of Prong fame) is apparently incapable of writing anything other than listless, hookless heavy metal riffs filled with stupidass false harmonics. These songs are certainly heavy and full of speedin' thrash parts (though several of the songs are mostly slow or midtempo, nearly every track has at least one thrash section), but aside from the Houses Of The Mole-worthy title track and Middle Eastern industrial trance drone metal "Khyber Pass," they're also pretty much interchangeable. And not in a good way, like a Ramones album or underage quintuplets or a Motorhead album.

Lyrically, The P.E.O.I.M. continue to attack the George W. Bush regime with wacky sample manipulation ("I am a brutal dictator!" announces Mr. Bush at one point, before concluding "I'm an asshole!"), accusatory lyrics ("LIES! LIES! LIES! LIES! LIESLIESLIES!), and self-explanatory song titles ("Senor Peligro," "Fear Is Big Business," "Ass Clown" and aforementioned "The Great Satan"). However, the vocals remain heavily distorted and difficult to understand, so prepare to listen very closely if you want to know Al's specific feelings towards such topics as Halliburton, Hugo Chavez, 9/11 conspiracy, Osama Bin Laden and the Marine Corps (in a terrible song with one great line: "I'm gonna stick my dick in your nose!"). Small hint: Al Jourgensen has been known to socialize in liberal circles.

If you're looking for nothing more than loud, aggressive industrial metal, these songs certainly fit the bill of sales. Plus, aside from the plodding Marine Corps send-up "Gangreen" and aurally irritating "Yellow Cake" (ugly high-pitched swizzly keyboards accompanied by a nothing chord sequence), none of the songs are honestly bad. They're just kinda "eh," as if the band went into the studio one day and just pounded out one track after another after another, with as much melodic forethought as Metallica put into the dreadful St. Anger. Rio Grande Blood isn't quite that lame, but if Al doesn't take a year or two off to refresh his Idea Bag, their next album may very well be.

Having said that, "Ass Clown" (featuring Jello "Flavor Flav" Biafra) stands out by featuring an odd, mechanical clinky-clunk hammer attack instead of a melody, and the Slayer ri(po)ff of "Senor Peligro" kicks so much ass, donkeys have to strap pillows on their hindquarters whenever it comes on.

Just FYI, the other musicians on this work include bassist Paul "Terminator X" Raven (Killing Joke), guitarist Mike "Professor Griff" Sciacca (Ministry), drummer Joey "Media Assassin Harry Allan" Jordison (Slipknot) and keyboardist John "Bunch Of Dancing Black Guys" Bechdel (Prong). Is it thus any wonder that there's hardly any butt-jiving disco pop on here at all? Come on Al; when are we finally going to get the sequel to With Sympathy we've all been waiting for down here at the muscle gym?

One final observation, and this is directed towards you there at home. Hey you! Up there in your room, always playing with your broom - can you hear me? Hey you! With your ear against the wall, always playing with your ball - can you hear me? If so, do you own a guitar? If the answer is yes, go pick it up.

You got it? Okay. Now -- without thinking about it all, start playing a thrash song -- NOW!

Hear that? That's half the songs on this album!

Unfortunately you now owe significant royalties to Ministry's publishing company.

No, I know you don't have to pay royalties just for playing another band's song, but I unfortunately recorded what you were playing, pressed it onto CD and sold 500,000,000 copies of it under the title "Dirty Deeds Done Dirt Veep, the new album by Ministry."

Sorry about that, in retrospect.

Add your thoughts?

* Dirty Deeds Done Dirt Veep, The New Album By Ministry - The Mark Prindle Record Company 2006 *
Rating = 10


Ministry has never sounded like THIS before! Stripping away the excess fat of the rhythm section and redefining the parameters of record production by simply holding up a Radio Shack tape recorder outside the studio window, these great performers churn out the most ass-kicking monophonic thrash riffs that you'll ever hear! Cheney will be rolling in his grave when he hears such incendiary instrumental tracks as "VP Pee Pee," "Vice President Not-Nice Resident," "Halliburton (Lose My Shirtin')," and "With Or Without Double-You (W)" (featuring Bush samples hilariously manipulated to say "Mission NOT accomplished" and "Mark Prindle rules"). If you buy no other album this year, be sure to buy THIS one! (If you're having trouble finding a copy in your area, just send $15.99 via PayPal to mprindle@nyc.rr.com and I'll hook you up)

Reader Comments

deftera@gmail.com
Man, I gotta say I'm dissapointed. I've been listening to Rio Grande Blood pretty much non-stop since it was leaked on the net and I've been checking daily for your review on it. But it's not what I expected. I think this is some of Al's best work yet. I think "Senor Peligo" is an awesome brutal song that we can perhaps hope for the same sound in the new Slayer. But aside from the military movie opening in "Gangreen", I'll give you that the song blows. The next 3 tracks are great listens for me, "Fear(Is Big Business)"'s opener reminding me of Slayer again, but in a Ministry way. Slayistry? But then my favorite song on here in "Lies Lies Lies" comes on and blows me away with each listen. I think that's a classic Ministry track and one of the top 10. The way he screams "Lies Lies Lies Lies LiesLiesLIEES" in the chorus is so damn catchy. After that it is kind of a meh string of songs, but none are bad or need to be skipped, they just don't stand out much. Then "Ass Clown" is another standout great track before the album closes in Ministry fashion.

I don't know, I guess when I look at it song by song like that I can understand a bit of a low rating, but I love the album. Maybe it's the thrash metalist lover at heart in me, but I think it rocks to throw it on the loud stereo and go crazy. My favorite album of the last year or so, easily. Maybe it's because I only care about the music part of the album, anything that is just nonstop thrash I'll love, and I couldn't care less what they're singing about. Also, from this album I thought the new lineup was killer, but from the reviews of the live Houston show which I didn't get to make(being 16 years old with a worried mother and a couple hours from the only town around here that gets anything sucks) everyone's saying it's mixed real bad and that Joey SUCKS on the drums ruining the band's old material.

I'd give the album a 9 personally or at least a strong 7 for a harsh grade.

Casey G.
I think you hit the nail on the head with a 5 rating. Painfully average. This album probably would have impressed us more if Houses of the Mole hadn't come out before it. Al really is forcing those Bush samples, isn't he? They sounded natural on the previous album, now it just reminds like that episode of The Simpsons when that Hard Copy-ish reporter splices an interview with Homer to make him look like a sexual predator.

Your statement about sources close to Al saying he takes too much credit is interesting. I know after this album leaked online a few people on the Ministry forums were complaining that Tommy Victor ruined Ministry, forcing them to become Slayer-lite or something. My take is that some of the diehards were pissed that Al made another "buttmetal" album instead of The Land of Rape & Honey part 2, and found a convenient scapegoat.

Also, what is it with snobbish industrial fans and that "buttmetal" term? I mean, I'm sure the soundtrack of choice on Fire Island is more likely With Sympathy than something like Master of Puppets.

Bad news for those that are tired of Al's recent lyrical content. A recent Billboard interview with Al said the next album will be Ministry's last, and will be about Bush again. I'm not above Bush bashing but this is just boring by now.

recoil66@gmail.com (D)
Finally! Everyone and their uncle has been creaming themselves over this record, and I just don't know why. I mean, don't get me wrong, I'd probably score it a 6 actually...the title track is an instant classic, no questions asked, and "LiesLiesLies", "Ass Clown" (gotta love Jello's "See the department of homeland security perfecting new ways of drowning black people!"), rock awesome, and AND the remix of "Great Satan" is WAY better than the original from 'Rantology.' But I'm with you on this, the rest of the album just doesn't move me (and I swear to God if I hear Tommy Victor make that slidey-noise with his guitar on another album again I'm gonna ask him politely to stop doing that!). I think most people were just pleasantly surprised that Ministry got so fast and hardcore again all of a sudden. I think in a few years people won't really listen to RGB as much as they think they will. Switch this in the release-ography with 'Filth Pig' and both records wouldve been better recieved I think, for their respected eras.

flounderfaze@yahoo.com
Okay, I think this a fun, lighthearted little romp of an album. I confess this is really the only Ministry I've ever bothered to listen to, and it's mainly (read only) because of the guys from Prong on here. Now, I know all you guys don't like them, but I'm not quite sure where all this 'buttmetal' phraseology is coming from. I happen to really like the old stuff from this underrated band that nobody really listened to. And Tommy's guitar is influenced by Helios Creed, who is from San Franciso. Nothing gay there! Then again, I'm 24 and I've never kissed a girl, so I guess maybe I am gay and I should just go back to sucking my own dick! Anyway, I would give this album a 6.5 or a 7, actually. It is definitely not a great one, because a few of the tracks are boring filler. But I looove the title track, "Senor Peligro", "LiesLiesLies", "Ass Clown", "Gang Green" and "Great Satan". It's just funny, almost like he's proving the Bush supporters right by being a ludicrous self-parody of all the insane Bush protestors. Hey, I didn't say it was intentional!!

I will be seeing them live, so it's unfortunate that I read they aren't as good in the reviews. Guess it's because Slipknot sucks! Too bad they couldn't get Ted Parsons on the drums!

edm1213@msn.com
This is basically Houses of the Mole part 2 here... i like it a little more than Mark, as if I'm in the right mood i can headbang furiously to most of the tracks, but it seems a little stale in comparison to Houses... that "I'm an asshole" sound manipulation thing gets a good reaction from us Bush-haters at first, but with time does seem a little cheesy. still that title track, Great Satan, Senor Peligro, and Assclown are all damn fine tracks to me, but the album as a whole doesnt stand out from being to end the way Houses of the Mole (or even Filth Pig) did. 7/10

So what's with this Dirty Deeds Done Dirt Veep album? How can I get me a copy?

tomgipson@charter.net
I didn't buy this album because there is a song called "ass clown" on it. 'Nuff said!

m_are_k@o2.pl
Hi
Xcuse my poor english and gramma, i'm still learning.
Right on j've just sip another pint of beer, and was going to continue searching for "caliente" lyrics, when, suddenly i fell into Your opinion's page.
I just wanted to say that the last RevCo album ( "Cooked and Loaded" )is fucking GREAT, and that I was dissapointed by "Rio Grande blood". Al, for fuck's sake laisse tomber George Bush, he's not worth of your attention, mate. You casse le couilles with all this politics. Please continue mind's exploration, as in Animositisomina, Dark Side etc.
Anyway, Al's fucking GREAT, love you mate, 've passed dead evenings listening to vex&siolence, fucking horrible experience when you drunk, but cleanse your soul perfectly.
That's all, if you want share your opinion about Ministry or Rev.Co. with me write me at m_are_k@o2.pl.
MINISTRY & REV.CO cya.

mysticcongress@aol.com
Your "Rio Grande Blood" review is spot on. This album is a joke. I'm real tired of hearing reviewers praise Ministry's new albums. I listened to a few tracks of "The Last Sucker" which is supposed to come out in a month or so. If you can't tell by the terrible play on words, the album sucks ass. It sounds like Slayer mixed with Kmfdm/Static X. An embarrassing, cartoonish, parody of the god father of industrial metal. I guess Paul Barker had a lot more to do with Ministry's quality than I thought, all the albums released without him have been very subpar. I think the reason why "Mind is a Terrible Thing to Taste" and "Filth Pig" were so good were because they were a unique meeting of minds.

This video is straight up the WORST cover of a Beatles's song ever made. It would have blown my mind hearing Jourgenson play something this terrible 10 years ago.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=YvAYxxj0PtU

Bob Royale
This fucking SUCKS. Awful tough guy guitar with dumb as fuck anti-Bush lyrics. Unfunny jokes. No ideas. I hate this album so much. The "hardcore/marine core" song is stupider than the Bloodhound Gang and they are terrible! This could be done by anyone that knew how to work recording gear, be angry and play crappy thrash guitar. Awful. Seriously, if this took more than a day to come up with, I'd be shocked. Khyber Pass or Yellow Cake (I forget which, I got rid of this shitheap awhile ago) is the only good song, and it's not even very good. Completely terrible, and they (he) turned into the worst type of aging rock stars after this. Worthless.

Add your thoughts?

Rio Grande Dub - 13th Planet 2007
Rating = 6


More like Rio Grande DUMB if you ask somebody who doesn't like it!!!! I do though, so I won't say that.

This is an alternate vision of Rio Grande Blood as fondled through the minds and fingers of Clayton Worbeck (guitarist: Stayte, Revolting Cocks) and John Bechdel (keyboardist: Fear Factory, Prong). They did Industrial Music fans a solid by erasing most of the corny metal licks, but poured the rest of the world a liquid by making the songs even less melodic than they already were! Instead of straightforward BUTTmetal songs for your BUTT to enjoy, Al's distorted screamed rants are now set to a backdrop of slow dancey beats, electronic effects, and stereophonic swoops, shwishies and suckles. They throw all kinds of oddness into the mix, but only a few tracks are sufficiently dynamic to hold the interest of listeners not stoned on Magical(TM) Mushrooms(R). Nevertheless, it's still better than Rio Grande Pud.

You hear me? Rio Grande DUMB is better than Rio Grande PUD!!!

And don't even get me STARTED on Rio Grande CRUD!!!!!

That's a version I made, where I keep interrupting the songs to shout "Penis!" Some argue that this version should have been named Rio Grande PUD but, as you can see, that title was already taken.

Highlights include:

Actually, one sec. You know that magazine Highlights For Children? Why is the phrase For Children in the title? Isn't it pretty obvious by features like "Goofus & Gallant" that the magazine is geared towards a younger demographic? As such, my single dedicated goal in life is take over the company and start publishing the companion periodical Highlights For Adults, where you have to spot the differences between two couples fuckin or find the hidden objects in some whore's snatch, the slut. Hold your cocks and cunts because Highlights For Adults will be the suckinest, fuckinest, boninest and groaninest magazine around -- with tits, clits and dicks on every sweaty pink page and hole!!! In this way, I will show my support for the First Amendment, and political.

Highlights of Rio Grande Dub include:

- a very pretty guitar harmonics motif in the stupidly titled "Rio Grande Blood (Rio Grande DUB Ya Mix)"

- Two different mean, speedy takes on one of the original disc's best songs, in the meaninglessly titled "Lieslieslies (Cognitive Dissonance Mix)" and "Lieslieslies (Known Unknown Lies Mix)"

- A cool-as-wicked octave-jumping bass line and Arabic vocal wash in the embarrassingly titled "Khyber Pass (TX Bush Ranch Mix)"

- Three wonderfully incongruous sad chords that completely change the mood of the humiliatingly titled "Gangreen (Kiss Me Goodnight Mix)"

- A delightfully bouncy bass line in the poorly titled "Senor Peligro (La Zona Peligrosa Mix)"

- The brilliantly dark synth-based tone of the obviously titled "Fear Is Big Business (Weapons of Mass Deception Mix)"

Lowlights include:

- Five and a half minutes of NOTHING GOING ON AT ALL in the wittily titled "Palestina (72nd Virgin Mix)"

Remix albums are usually pretty worthless, but I must to some extent throw my support out to this one. By taking a mediocre album, stripping away all of the most irritating elements, and injecting emotional states that were not previously present, Messers Worbeck and John Bechdel have managed to fashion a parasite release that is musically superior to its host! There's still not enough going on to warrant more than a 6 out of 10 (most of the songs introduce one great idea at the beginning and then just ride it for four minutes), it's a definite improvement on Rio Grande DUD!

Oh sorry, that's the copy I had in my tote bag when the Milk Duds spilled and melted all over everything. It's not very good at ALL!

Add your thoughts?

The Last Sucker - 13th Planet 2007
Rating = 8


Guy, Forget that cock-metal Tommy Victor shin/shitola on Rio Grande Pud; THIS is the real Houses Of The Mole', Pt. II! Speedy simple catchy headbanging THRASH!!! And yes, Mr. Victor did indeed co-write half of these songs, but Al must have told him to can the corny 'Evil Metal' wankerisms because this is a wonderfully fun and loud chord-heavy album mostly free of the bland riffs, constant slow sections and embarrassing pinch harmonics that sank the last one like a helium balloon with so much helium in it that it somehow gets really heavy.

This is Ministry's third anti-George W. Bush album, which is weird because I was sure they were going to support his recent 'don't give any money to dying little kids' veto. Instead, they're ranting and raving about such hearty topics as:

- The Iraq War: "Let's go for a government based on greed/Let's go for the final attack/Let's go for a war in Iraq/Let's go for starting up World War III"

- The Iraq War: "Bodies and limbs scattered all over town/It's all I ever see/Go back home to the same old shit/There's nothing here for me"

- The Iraq War: "One thing's for certain/We fucking work for Haliburton/One thing is clear/They're the fucking reason why we're here"

- The Iraq War: "Stuck in the middle of a civil war/Well what the fuck do you expect?/Our occupation of other nations/Is bound to have a fucking violent effect"

- Our reprehensible president: "I got others who tell me what to say/I'm like an actor in a tragic play/They give me speeches I can't understand/It doesn't matter as long as no one else can"

- Our reprehensible vice-president: "You know he's evil, he's not of this race/He used a shotgun to blow off a face"

- The recent domestic spying/wiretap shenanigans: "Watch yourself/Someone wants information/Watch yourself/Someone wants your deportation"

- Confusing metaphors: "Blood is the fist of authority/Pestilence is my rabid dog unchained"

- Waking up in the morning and getting yourself a beer: "Well I woke up this morning and I got myself a beer."

- Using the word 'strife' because you can't think of anything else that rhymes with 'life': "Can you feel the pressure of life?/You surviving through the mess and the strife?"

- A shitty song: "Revelations, dissipation, condemnation, dissolution/Do you feel like you're under a gun?/Desperation, condemnation, indignation, terror nation/That's what the world is today! Hey! Hey!"

I am a big fan of this album, and if you like banging your head to fast, frill-free, fectious hardcore/crossover/metal with industrial rhythms, distorted vocals and occasional samples, so am you! A couple of first-half tunes falter a bit in midtempo whatever-isms, and "End Of Days Part One" is a stupid sluggish stab at Stoner Metal but the rest are topnotch Ministry aucktion. Note the rhythmic telephone noises and emotional chorus of "Watch Yourself"; the "Double Vision"-reminiscent classic rock chords of the title track; the honest-to-god punk rock of "Die In A Crash"; the hilariously twisted speed metal cover of "Roadhouse Blues"; and the harrowing high-pitched chords and creepy Eisenhower premonitions of "End Of Days Part II." Note all these things, and then go slam dance your asp off to "Death And Destruction"! Oi! (*runs around in a circle*)

The guitars are exceedingly heavy, the politics are heavily liberal, and the volume is liberally excessive VICIOUS CIRCLE CIVICOU CIRD

Allen Jerginsin insists that this will be the final Ministry album, and if so this is a great way to go. But surely he realizes that none of these last three albums are going to age worth a flying shit. It doesn't matter how cool the music is; if Sgt. Pepper's had been a concept album about Lyndon Johnson, it would be dead in the water too. (ex: "What would you think if I sang out of tune/Would you arrange for the Kennedy brothers to be assassinated?"; "We're Sgt. Peppers' Lonely Hearts Club Band/We hope you didn't just make up the Gulf of Tonkin Incident as an excuse to escalate the war in Vietnam"). And how many times have you listened to your David Frye albums since Dick Nixon got impeacherated? The answer is ZERO, and it's a damn (fucking) shame because that was Prog Rock to rival the best of Cactus.

In final, if you liked Houses Of The Mole', you'll probably like this. The only sad thing is that "The Last Sucker" isn't another hilarious parody of a famous '70s classic rock album (a la Dark Side Of The Spoon, Houses Of The Mole', Rio Grande Blood). As a result, I have developed a list of 20 appropriate CD titles for potential Alain Jourgensen projects in the years to come. If you are not Allan Jorgensen, these are not meant for you; don't use them. They're for Alien Jourgenson and Alan Jorgensoun alone:

After The Gold Bush
Vol. War
Agents Of Wartune
L.A. Warman
Brain Salad Perjury
Toys In The Haddock
Sticky Dingers
Tales From Topographic Lotions
The Who By Plumbers
Darkness On The Edge Of Clown
Aquadung
Moonprance
Band On The Runs
The Rise & Fall of Ziggy Stardust And The Spiders From Jars
Layla And Other Assorted Love Dongs
Pronounced Leh-Nerd Skin-Terd
Still Crazy After All These Queers
Don't Look Yak
Goodbye Yellow Dick Load
Welcome To My Shite Bear

And there you have it - the next 20 Revolting Cocks albums!

Unless Bob Seger wants one. Those in the know say he's 'all about' molding his feces into little animal shapes.

Reader Comments

edm1213@msn.com
A fine way to end... a slight step up from Rio Grande Blood (which i did like a little more than Mark did) but not quite Houses of the Mole quality (or other 9s in the Ministry catalogue). An 8 sounds about right. If you like Ministry and hate George W. Bush, you'll like it.

billyb@avatier.com
I don't have the album, but I think my 3 year old is anti-Bush too. She pointed at a magazine cover of our vice-president and said "That bad man is going to have the police find us and they will kill us." Maybe I'll get her this album for Xmas!

dave@happydrifter.com
I don’t know what is more incredible – that this band is still making albums, or that people are still listening to them.

Jeffrey Blake
I read somewhere that Al Jerkinit once said something along the lines of, “Ministry makes better albums when a Republican is in office.” The implication being that Republicans piss him off, and when he’s pissed off, he makes better music. Well, I certainly agree that he makes louder and faster music when a Republican is in office, but he also makes less diverse music.

The “I Hate George W. Bush” trilogy has some great songs, but good fucking God do these albums blend together into one gigantic blur. You could make the best Ministry album ever by picking the ten best songs from the trilogy, but none of the records are anything I’m interested in listening to from start to finish.

I think these records suffer from two problems: Al’s misguided belief that he must release every single song he writes, and the absence of Paul Barker. Remember how weird Ministry albums used to be? Where the hell did that go? Paul must have responsible for a lot of the personality that seems to have been lost after he left.

Add your thoughts?

Cover Up - 13th Planet 2008
Rating = 8


Exhausted from four straight years of fiddle-fucking around in the affairs of the Republican Party, Al Jourgenson is celebrating the impending death of George W. Bush with a great big '70s Hard Rock Party! Be sure and B.Y.O.B. (Bring Your Own Balloons) because just look at this JukeBox of classic '70s hits!

Smelly Hippy: "Hey man, is that Cover Up?"
Dirty Filthy Bearded Monstrosity: "Yeah!"
Smelly Hippy: "Then turn it up!"

(use your mouse to roll the titles slowly up the screen, simultaneously reading each one out loud really excitedly)

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"Bang A Gong (Get It On)" - T. Rex

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"Radar Love" - Golden Earring

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"Space Truckin'" - Deep Purple

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"Black Betty" - Ram Jam

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"Mississippi Queen" - Mountain

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"Just Got Paid" - ZZ Top

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"Roadhouse Blues" - The Doors

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"Supernaut" - Black Sabbath

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"Lay Lady Lay" - Bob Dylan ... 1969 actually, but close

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"Under My Thumb" - Rolling Stones... that's not very close at all

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"What A Wonderful World" - Louis Armstrong... wait that's not even the right genre

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Smelly Hippy: "Hey man, are you sure that's Cover Up?
Dirty Filthy Bearded Monstrosity: (*lies dead in a puddle of LSD juice*)
Smelly Hippy: "Aaaaaaaaah" (*flails arms*)

Yes, 'Ministry And Co-Conspirators' have released an album of loud and distorted but otherwise faithful cover tunes of some of the greatest rock songs ever written. You can tell that they love these songs not only by the way they faithfully stick to the original arrangements, but by the clear excitement in their voices as they wail away at these pillars of FM Radio back before it sucked so much shit that your anus literally got stuck to the tuner. Then again, how could you not get excited singing "Radar Love"!? It's only one of the kickassiest hard rock songs of all time! Strangely, they play the bass line wrong. The jury's out on that one.

Okay, now they're back in. GUILTY.

Come on, how fucking hard is it to play three notes, Bass Person? Why drop it to two? Who benefits from this decision? Otherwise, THANK YOU FOR PLAYING THIS GREAT FUCKING SONG!!!!

Keyboards make a welcome return to the Ministry universe in the sexy goth Stones cover and Hammond-happy Deep Purple bustdown, but the guitars are still thick and loud as all living hell. Guest vocalists include Fear Factory's Burton C. Bell and Prong's Tommy Victor (I know he's actually in Ministry too, off my back), as well as a 'John Bradford' and one 'Casey Chaos' (NOTE: THIS IS PROBABLY NOT HIS REAL NAME). An early press release claimed that Cheap Trick's Robin Zander would also take part, but he doesn't appear to have shown up that day -- probably sleeping late with the cover of The Beatles' "I Want You (She's So Happy)" they said would be on here. Still, who can complain about a song list like this?! If you like rock music at all, you'll be pumping your fist from the first keyboard rays of "Under My Thumb" (complete with rewrite "I can still fuck someone else") through the closing strains of Al's a capella "Stigmata" parody. And if you don't like rock music, GET THE HELL OFF THE MINISTRY PAGE YOU JAZZ ASSHOLE.

One minor complaint if I may: three of these songs were previously available on other Ministry releases, leaving only 38 new minutes of cover tune goodness. If the goal was to create a complete compilation of Ministry cover material, fine -- but then why did they leave off "The Light Pours Out Of Me"? Ohhhh, can I never win!?

And don't worry - Ministry's cover of "Bang A Gong" is much louder than The Power Station's version, "Black Betty" is much heavier than Nick Cave's version, "Just Got Paid" is much more metallic than Rapeman's version, and "What A Wonderful World" is much prettier than Joey Ramone's version. Until the second half when he starts screaming at the top of his lungs. UNTIL THAT POINT, however, the prettiness is endemic, thanks to lovely reverbed piano and orchestration. Then he starts screaming and it all goes to Hell in a Handcart, but UNTIL THAT PO

Cover Up is enjoyable enough to earn a 9 but that would be ridiculous. It's all cover tunes! All they did was pick great songs, play them louder and put distortion on their voices. How could they fail?

Nevertheless, be aware that as you gaze longingly at the 8 red dots I've awarded the latest Ministry opus, I'm secretly enjoying it at a 9-level.

Reader Comments

billy.barron@tx.rr.com
I'll admit that Ministry is a band that I'm completely neutral on but I'm a huge cover junkie and I prefer my covers to be as different as possible. That's why Dread Zeppelin is one of my favorite bands.

I find the song selection largely second rate (excluding "Under My Thumb" and "Just Got Paid") even if you think they are "some of the greatest rock songs ever written".

"Under My Thumb" took a couple of listens, but I eventually got it. "Radar Love" sucks when they are singing but damn Ministry went just insane on the solo part and it is truly awesome. I fully enjoyed the cover of "Just Got Paid" (Oh by the way, Mark and I have been discussing this, if you are a record company and reading this - please sign ZZ Top - their last album showed that they still have something to give).

"Bang a Gong", "Space Truckin", "Mississippi Queen", "Roadhouse Blues", and "Supernaut" were third rate songs to begin with and nothing I ever wanted to hear covered - Ministry didn't change my mind.

And why is the Resident's singer doing "What a Wonderful World"?

I would give this a 6/10 in my book.

If you want to heard a good recent cover album, I would strongly suggest Patti Smith's "Twelve". Her covers of the Stones and Beatles are better than the originals.

xnvol2006@aol.com
Goddammit, Al! I just tracked my own version of "Space Truckin'" a few months ago (that sounds a lot like Ministry covering it, sadly enough) and now I have to sit on it 'cos YOU have to release a covers record at this point in your 'career'?

Fucking lame.

soul_crusher77@hotmail.com
This actually turns out to be a pretty fun listen. It's hilarious that after 4 years and 3 entire albums dedicated to ant-dubya bile, they decided to go out on a bunch of covers of 70's hard rock songs where the most overt political statement is "George W. Bush has pasty white thighs". Though I appreciate the almost goth-tinged version of "Under My Thumb" and how Residential "What A Wonderful World" is before it turns into hardcore/thrash, tracks 3 through 8 are where this album really gets going. That chunk of the album is the industrial cock-rock party most of Cocked And Loaded was attempting to be (with the benefit of actual memorable riffs... written by other people almost 4 decades ago). I'm guessing the reason "The Light Pours Out Of Me" is the only studio Ministry cover song *not* featured is that Magazine don't really fit into the "artists likely to appear on 70's rock compilations" vibe (unlike Louis Armstrong, of course). "Roadhouse Blues" fits in on this album better than it did on The Last Sucker, I guess it's nice to have the Ministry version of "Supernaut" without having to purchase that Greatest Fits thing (despite it being almost exactly identical to the 1000 Homo DJ's cover to begin with), and then if you're going that far, you might as well throw in a Bob Dylan cover from over 10 years ago anyway.

Add your thoughts?

Adios... Puta Madres - 13th Planet 2009
Rating = 8


The third installment in Ministry's extended 'final release' is a live CD featuring only songs from the three George W. Bush CDs. One of the many, many wonderful things about a live album is that it gives long-time fans the opportunity to hear their favorite songs in a different context from that to which they are accustomed. For example, a song you might remember as a midtempo rocker might suddenly seem superfast if placed after an acoustic ballad. Alternately, a song that tore the roof off the place in 1973 might sound positively anemic when placed alongside songs from later, asser-kickinger albums. And this is why I'm doubly psyched to inform you that Adios... Puta Madres begins with the first five songs from The Last Sucker in the exact order they appeared on that record, continues with the first four songs from Houses Of The Mole' in the exact order they appeared on that record, and finishes up with the first two songs from Rio Grande Blood followed by two other songs from that album -- RaNdOmLy-NuMbErEd To BlOw YoUr MiNd!!!!

As you may have suspected from the previous two Ministry live albums, these performances sound an awful lot like their studio counterparts. The only difference evident to me is that "No W" has a great live galloping drumline that drowns out the synth horns nicely. As such, it's definitely not a must-own for anybody with any intention of purchasing the three studio albums from which it samples its wares. On the other hand, if you never trusted Ministry in the first place, this'll show you how much thrash metal ass they kicked at the end of their career!

And by "end of their career," I of course mean "their never-ending retirement plan."

As luck would have it, I was accidentally faxed a list of upcoming Ministry releases so I thought I'd share them with you here privately on the Internet:

Adios... Puta Madremixes CD -- Remixed version of the live farewell CD

Cover That Revolting Cock! -- Ministry performing covers of Revolting Cocks classics

Adios... Puta Madremixes LIVE! CD -- Live performance of the remixed version of the live farewell CD

Put Your DICK In My BUSH: The Best Of The George W. Bush Years -- Greatest hits compilation featuring the first five songs on The Last Sucker, the first four songs on Houses Of The Mole, the first two songs on Rio Grande Blood and then two other songs from that album

We'll Miss You, Ministry! -- Ministry performing covers of Ministry classics, as a way of saying 'thanks' to all their fans

So Long, Everybody! Remember THIS Album? -- Reissue of The Land Of Rape And Honey with new title

What A Long, Strange Trip It's Been: Ministry Talks About Its Retirement -- Spoken-word triple-CD

Hi, You've Reached The Home Of Ministry. Sorry We Can't Come To The Phone Right Now, But We're Retired! -- CD of outgoing answering machine messages

Been Nice Knowin' Ya! Best, Ministry -- Autographed shower cap

Actually, Obama's Not Doing A Very Good Job -- Brand new CD of all-new material

Reader Comments

bookreporttime@gmail.com
Nice way to make fun of Ministry's latest "final release" there. You're more forgiving than I am because I think their last releases 1) haven't been good and 2) have been shameless publicity stunts. I saw Ministry last year on their CULatour - originally the date I saw them one was known to be their final show ever (as advertised on their website) and then they added 3 more dates at the same venue. So that pissed me off. And then the show itself was garbage. You know how Neurosis makes great, artistic use of their visuals? Ministry's visuals seem to have been put together and edited by Mr. MTV, Hollywood ESQ or someone with a similar name - shrill, loud, tasteless visuals all within the confines of a light show that was way way way too much. And Al? Aside from having about 10 million effects on his voice and a few other vocal tracks on top of that to hide he can't sing/shout anymore, he paraded around the stage like a crotchety old man. The irony about all this Ministry shit and this "bye motherfuckers" attitude is that Ministry's latest tag is bashing politicians for being liars and taking advantage of others ... and so Ministry lies to their fans and takes advantage of them? Al Jourgenson is a businessman through and through and let's hope the white politician in him finally unzips the skin and walks out. For me, stick with Ministry up until 2003 or so before this giant marketing strategy by Al came to the forefront. Even when the music is good I find it all very disingenuous.

conwy@hotmail.co.uk
Meh... as much as I hate to admit it, I feel a little uncomfortable with this sudden rush of records. I mean, why remix the Last Sucker? Who would WANT that? Sure, Cover Up was totally worth the money, but I can't actually be bothered to listen to remixxxes of songs I enjoy anyway. I have refused to order it. Actually, I would have ordered it by now if THE GOD DAMN SHIPPING FEE WASN'T SO FUCKING MASSIVE! I'M NOT FUCKING MADE OF MONEY YOU CUBAN EXXXILE!!!

Not that I don't love Ministry or Uncle Al. I saw them live (coincidentally at the venue where Adios... Puta Madres was supposedly recorded) and they were really good, I got very sweaty. And people have different opinions, I guess. It was cool because I found these guys a few years ago, and now all my 'Shoot Meh Agen I Ain't Dead Yit' friends listen to The Min. That's got to count for something.

Peace.

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The Last Dubber - 13th Planet 2009
Rating = 3


Good lord. I was JOKING, AL!!!! STOP RELEASING ALL THIS WORTHLESS SHIT!

But enough of my chit-chatting with Al. Hey reader -- remember the first time you heard The Last Sucker? And how disappointed you were that it was filled with speedy thrash songs instead of high-pitched tuneless shitnoise? Well, your luck is in Mr. Horse because that day is here! Revolting Cocks keyboardist Clayton Worbeck has come to the rescue, slowing down the beats tenfold and replacing all the heavy guitars with painfully trebly piles of clicking, buzzing and swirling electronic racket. I'd almost be willing to bet that Alain Jourgensen didn't even listen to this whole thing before approving it for release. If he did, why on Earth would he want the Ministry name to be associated with such an unlistenable piece of amateurish, talentless de-mixing? The Last Sucker was a very strong final studio album; did the Ministry camp seriously believe they could improve it by erasing all the melodies?

Upon the release of Rio Grande Blood three and a half years ago, a former member of Ministry opined to me that Al would probably put out as much stuff as he could as quickly as possible because he knows that his music-making (and thus money-making) days are numbered. Since that conversation, Al has released 5 Ministry albums (1 studio, 1 covers, 1 live, 2 remix) and 3 Revolting Cocks albums (1 studio, 2 remix). That's EIGHT ALBUMS within a span of 42 months -- an average of one full-length release every five months. Are they worth listening to? A few are, but most are just ripoffs. It's all cynical and profit-oriented. Then again, in a world where record sales are gutted up to 60% by illegal downloading, maybe a schedule like this is the only way to make any money at all.

I recently had dinner with two record company executives who informed me that the record industry is going to die very, very soon -- all because of file sharing. Because of the recession, even people who normally wouldn't steal music are doing so (present company... err... but I've said too much), making it impossible for artists or record companies to earn any money at all on their recorded work. Luckily for us fans, it is dirt cheap to record a CD these days (just buy ProTools and go at it!) and you don't even need to bother with CD manufacturing costs anymore -- just sell it as a download, and then make your money through concerts and merchandising. I'm talking to YOU, future bands of America!

Back on the topic, this is a terrible album. Just trebly brashy headachey noise that's not even alleviated by the heavy bass guitar in the mix. The only song that even approaches the quality of the original version is "The Last Sucker (Hardware Revamp Mix)" -- and that's only because guest remixer DJ Hardware barely did anything to it!

What are your thoughts on file sharing? Are you afraid that your favorite indie bands will stop putting out new music altogether because there's no way for them to make money on it? Let me know, as my curiosity is waxing.

Okay, my curiosity is full now!

Oh no! Now my curiosity is waning gibbousing! Hurry before it turns crescent!

Alternately, just wait a few days until I develop a new curiosity and begin waxing again.

No, not the FLOOR, you silly man with your floor jokes!

Reader Comments

disclaimerwill@gmail.com
Hey Mark,

I think it's interesting that record companies are still flogging that "file sharing will cause the imminent death of the industry" argument despite the fact that it's now been pretty close to a decade since Napster brought file-sharing technology mainstream... and the record industry isn't dead. Sure, the industry may have suffered, but just about every industry suffered once Bush got into office. (I recall reading a Rolling Stone article that pointed out that CD sales were actually up substantially for the year between the advent of Napster and when the economy as a whole came crashing down in 2001. I know "I read this one article seven or eight years ago" isn't much of an argument, but it would be interesting for someone to find the actual numbers. Someone besides me.) Sure, the recession probably means that people are downloading music who otherwise would be purchasing it, but that doesn't mean that if the technology weren't available they'd have no choice but to buy the album. It more likely means they'd just do without it entirely!

My personal experience with file sharing is that it has introduced me to dozens of new bands I would never have otherwise had the opportunity to hear without paying $13 or $14 for their CD. (Sometimes I'll take a chance on buying a new artist's album because it seems like something I'm likely to enjoy, but I can't afford to do that every time, since there are already lots of bands I like enough to purchase their every release. And more often than not, it's those bands I investigated for free by downloading their record who I wind up liking enough to then go on and purchase all their subsequent albums.)

Going simply by the examples of people I know, my suspicion is that for every person who has given up on buying albums entirely and just downloads everything, there is at least one person--and maybe more--who's actually buying more albums than they otherwise might because Napster/Audiogalaxy/Soulseek/BitTorrent/Rapidshare has broadened their horizons. The various sectors in the entertainment industry are always terrified of technology (and use it as an easy scapegoat when things aren't going well) but I think that comes more from a reluctance to examine their own business models and adapt to a changing marketplace that gives the consumer more power than because of any truly insurmountable challenge. I do feel sorry for the independent record stores, who do genuinely seem to have taken a hit with the availability of MP3s (both unauthorized ones and online stores like iTunes), but I frankly feel like the labels themselves are just loath to exert any sort of creative energy and would rather complain about the consumer treating them unfairly.

Edwin Oslan
Hey Mark,

I don't know if you've read up on this in the past year so I apologize for the reduncy if you have. I must respectfully disagree to the above opinion for it is completely misinformed. The music industry is indeed coming to an end for better or worse. Every record shop owner I know tells me they stock less CDs than 10 years ago. Since 1999, CD sales have dropped drastically. Bigger CD stores I go to carry a lot less music. While this has caused a mighty increase in vinyl purchases - including many major label releases which are being repressed on vinyl in their original packaging as if they'd never gone out of print - this doesn't even come close to compensating for the loss in CD sales. In fact many vinyl releases come with a free MP3 download of the album, a CD copy or both. The only people I know who buy albums are those who just want to support a small independent label touring band or want to increase their vinyl collections and those mainly consist of music library obsessed people such as myself. Move slightly outside of the completist/elitist camp and hardly anybody buys CDs anymore. And yes, now that there's a recession most people I know steal music as well, operating under the assumption that it's a free comodity, no different than turning on a TV. After all, if you can easily access the album, it's like you own it anyway, right? That's my take on it.

Funny how we all laughed at Metallica a decade ago for their greed. People don't live up their end of the bargain by simply stealing all of their music. Eventually people will have to realize they are making music strictly to express themselves and nothing else. But it's much easier with the technology so, no gain, no loss, I guess.

Either way, I'll keep building my collection because I'm old and nostalgic and too dumb to download.

Add your thoughts?

MiXXXes of the Mole' - 13th Planet 2010
Rating = 6


Dear America,

Hi, my name is Al Jourgensen and I'm lead singer of the musical band Ministry. Something disturbing was recently brought to my attention, the likes of which I feel absolutely cannot be ignored. It is for this reason that I have purchased this costly advertising slot on MarkPrindle.com -- in order to address the issue and clear up any confusion or misconception.

As you know, I have spent the better part of three decades building my reputation as an artist with integrity -- one who always puts quality first and would never release a substandard product onto the marketplace. This is why it felt like I was being eaten by a bobcat last night when my manager pulled me aside to inform me that somebody has been taking my albums, defacing them with no sense of sonic artistry, and releasing them as 'new product' to an unsuspecting public. Listen to me now, because I will only say it once: this will not stand.

MiXXXes of the Mole' is a perfect example. I spent seven years in the studio with this record, making sure that every choppy staccato part and dancey electronic beat is just so. "But Al," naysayers insisted. "If you don't hurry up, George W. Bush won't even be in office anymore by the time it comes out." And perhaps they were right. But I would rather create a timeless work of electronic squiggles than rush a half-baked industrial metal CD onto the market, no matter the timeliness or lack thereof. As such, you can only imagine how hard and long I vomited into my car alarm upon learning that thieving bootleggers removed my dancey beats and irritating choppy staccato gimmicks, added even more guitars, and released a CD called Houses of the Mole' six years ago. May the Good Lord goddamn those responsible, and their loved ones.

Why am I being targeted like this? I work my fingers to the tips on such creative meisterwerks as The Last Dubber, Rio Grande Dub Ya, Cocktail Mix and Sex-O MiXXX-O, and this is the thanks I get? People adding a bunch of guitars, erasing my squiggly shit noises, and stealing money from the hard-earned pockets of my trusting fans? I will only say it one time: this will not stand.

I'll give the devious crackerjacks one thing: the so-called Houses Of The Mole' bootleg is really not much different from MiXXXes of the Mole' as envisioned by myself, the artist. I don't see why they felt compelled to add an actual hook to "Wrong," and hey what's up with the fast beat and angry guitar they stuck on my Nine Inch Nails homage "Warp City"? But other than that, I can't complain. I guess the key is to give the songs riffs, because when I focus on digital shit racket (a la The Last Dubber), the sons of bitch inevitably toss it into the turdbucket to make way for catchiness I never approved.

But onward and upward. I appreciate you allowing me this space to vent. I beg you all to stay safe, and get ready because the Cocks and I are working on something that's going to rock your socks off. Keep an eye peeled for Got RemiXXX?, almost definitely coming soon.

Yours in creative integrity,
A. Jourgensen

Reader Comments

patricksfiend@gmail.com
I actually hope Al keeps putting out these mediocre remix albums so fans of markprindle.com keep getting hilarious reviews!

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Every Day Is Halloween: Greatest Tricks - Cleopatra 2010
Rating = 7


I had the strangest idea for a TV show earlier today. Let me run this by you and see what you think, since you're a high-ranking NBC executive. Okay, so at the very beginning of the first episode, a man in his mid-40s is shown raping a five-year-old girl. After he rapes her, he twists her neck to kill her and buries her in the desert. This all happens in the first three minutes. Then the opening credits roll. After the credits, the man is shown to be a loving father and husband and all-around great guy. This continues for the entire season; in fact, he's the protagonist of the series, like Charlie on Party of Five. The rape and murder are never mentioned again, nor does he ever exhibit any behavior indicative of a rapist/murderer. What appeals to me about this idea is that, even though he's presented as a solid role model and good man for 99.9% of the series, every viewer's image of him would already be colored by what he did in the first few minutes of the premiere episode. They would inevitably distrust his motives at every turn, even though he behaves no differently than the protagonist of any other family drama. Or alternately, you'd get mid-season reviews saying things like, "Bill Castor has turned out to be an exceptional father and pillar of his community. Not sure what that 'raping and murdering a 5-year-old' thing was all about." The point wouldn't be to suggest that a good person could commit a heinous act and never do it again; the point would just be to fuck with people. I'll get started on the pilot!

It's always the saddest story ever told when your favorite band breaks up. Why, I'll never forget how sad I was the day The Beatles released Let It Be and announced that they'd broken up, and then a year later released the All My Covers album of '40s tunes, and then a year later released the Auf Wiedersehen… Mannliche Prostituierte-Mutter live album of songs from only Let It Be, Abbey Road and The White Album, and then a few months later released the Let It BemiXXX remix album, and then the next year released the White AlbumiXXX remix album, and then a few months later released the I Wanna Hold Your Hand: Greatest Treats CD with more cover tunes and remixed versions of a few old classics. Yes, that was a sad day indeed.

Honestly, it's just become funny at this point. At first it seemed like a cynical ripoff, but now Al's insistence on releasing more Ministry releases posthumously than he did prehumously is starting to feel like an elaborate joke. It's obviously not unheard of for a record label to exploit an artist after his career has ended (see my Jimi Hendrix page for several examples), but in this case, Al Jourgensen is exploiting himself! At this rate, it won't be long before he leaks a video onto the Internet of himself blowing a guy.

As for this particular release, there seems to be an awful lot of confusion about its title. Amazon is selling it as Every Day Is Halloween: Greatest Tricks, Wikipedia's cover artwork has it as Every Day Is Halloween: The Anthology, and Ministry's Myspace page oddly refers to it as Under Cover in spite of the fact that 6 of the 13 tracks are Ministry originals. Even more confusingly, Cleopatra has also just released an MP3 album called Every Day Is Halloween: The Remixes, which is simply six remixes of the song "Every Day Is Halloween"! Your best bet is to not like Ministry at all.

Unfortunately, it's too late for me. I love their rat-a-tatting industrial thrash sound and cannot be dissuaded no matter how many people tell me that they've sucked since Paul Barker left. This CD features seven new cover tunes that hit upon each of the last five decades. Look, I even made a chart:

Representing The Summer Of Love 1960's Hippy Dream: The Rolling Stones' "Paint It, Black" and Jimi Hendrix's "Purple Haze"
Representing The Cocaine 1970's Inflation Hot Tub: Ted Nugent's "Stranglehold" and Black Sabbath's "Iron Man"
Representing The "Greed Is Good" 1980's Members Only Jacket: ZZ Top's "Sharp Dressed Man"
Representing The Grunge 1990's Heroin Flannel: AC/DC's "Thunderstruck"
Representing The Recession Nightmare 2000's 9/11: Amy Winehouse's "Rehab"

I'm not saying all of these covers are necessary, or even good (they let some smarmy goth no-talent sing "Paint It Black" and don't even bother speeding up "Purple Haze"), but Ministry has a knack for picking songs that appeal to me personally. Thus, even when they do things like play the "Thunderstruck" riff wrong or sing all of "Sharp Dressed Man" on one note, I'm so overjoyed by the mere existence of the cover that I'm incapable of nitpicking its problems. Plus it's hilarious to hear "Stranglehold," "Iron Man" and especially "Rehab" sped up to Ministry speed.

The remainder of the disc is devoted to interesting remixes/remakes of earlier Ministry material. The old pre-Twitch title track is jacked up with heavy guitars and growly vocals; "N.W.O." is granted an extra chugging rhythm guitar, groovier rhythm section and additional samples; "Jesus Built My Hotrod" finds its entire guitar riff removed, leaving Gibby to twang over a single high-speed chord (plus, they replaced his classic "I wanna love ya" break with a "There is no use trying to talk" sample!); "Stigmata" sounds like an entirely new recording, with an extra guitar drowning out the second chord of every chorus by repeating the first chord on top of it; and I don't remember how the original version of "Khyber Pass" goes so never mind that one.

If you enjoyed Cover Up, this CD's definitely worth picking up. The cover tunes are fun and catchy, and the remixes are much more intriguing than usual. Still, shit pick a djinn.

Not sure why my fingers typed "shit pick a djinn" there.

Say! Here's something funny. Way back in college times '93, I interviewed three members of The Cows on my college radio station WXYC-Chapel Hill. Before we began, they waited in the station lobby as I went to discuss logistics with the on-air DJ. When I returned to lead them in, I noticed they were all giggling as Shannon pinned a piece of paper to the bulletin board. After the interview, I surreptitiously grabbed the paper to read at a later date. It turned out to be DJ employment form that Shannon Selberg had filled out as follows:

NAME: Bjorn Loser
year at UNC: 3
remaining # of years: none
major: n/A
phone number: none
local address: n/A
please list any major non-academic commitments you have (including a job, volunteer involvement, etc.): smokin' cigarettes
how did you hear about this hiring? on the street
In no particular order, please list your three favorite genres of music: ponies jazz airplane
list some tape/CD/records you have recently acquired: Stole 'em, will not confess
list some recent concert or club shows you have attended: none
what question do you hope we ask you during the interview? "do you want a million dollars and a BJ?"
what question do you hope we don't ask you during the interview? "are you hung?"

Good old The Cows, with their new Ministry album.

Reader Comments

kreibabe@gmail.com
Your reviews of ministry's new material is really straining your credibility as a music critic.

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