THE 2010 MICRO-REVIEWS OF HIP NEW BANDS THAT THE KIDS DIG
THE 2010 MICRO-REVIEWS OF HIP NEW BANDS THAT THE KIDS DIG
Please note: the reason these are MICRO-reviews and not "real" reviews is because they are based (in most cases) on cursory listens. Do not take them as gospelly. They represent my initial impressions of bands based (again, in most cases) on the 4-6 songs they've posted on their MySpace pages. If your favorite new band posted their weakest songs on MySpace, that's their fault, not mine! If you're wondering "What's the point?," then this page isn't for you. It's for people who want to know - QUICKLY - whether a new band might be up their alley. Entries in BOLDFACE PRINT TYPE TEXT FONT are *recommended,* but read the others too, because some of these bands might really appeal to you even if they don't appeal to me.
And if you know of any hip new bands I should check out, please let me know at mprindle@nyc.rr.com. Thanks!
CLICK HERE TO VIEW THE 2009 MICRO-REVIEWS OF HIP NEW BANDS THAT THE KIDS DIG
THIS WEEK'S HIP NEW BANDS THAT THE KIDS DIG
Owl City - A Minnesota emo pop sissy with the pussyassiest wimp voice in the world. Why are today's young people growing into such estrogen-addled panty boys? I realize I wasn't the manliest fellow back in middle school, but at least I listened to Van Halen, for Christ's sake.
Person L - Side project of a guy from The Starting Line, a Philadelphia pop-punk band I've never heard. However, these songs are split between energetic rockers and moody emotional numbers, almost all of which are guitar-driven and well-written. He has a nice voice too. Should I try the Starting Line too? Are they any good?
Ramona Falls - This Portland indie rock project helmed by a Menomena guy offers well-written but awfully melancholy songs built from acoustic and electric guitars, piano, strings, horns and whatever else he can find out in the street. It's a bit too samey and depressing for me to fully recommend, but I certainly enjoy it more than boring old Menomena. If you don't mind feeling blue, definitely check him out!
Rick Ross - A big bald bearded ex-correctional officer rapper with a cool manly voice and a feud with 50 Cent. The beats are reminiscent of '70s soul music, which is appropriate since he looks like Isaac Hayes. I hate a lot of hip-hop, and I don't hate this; that alone is pretty remarkable! I won't bold him because I don't care if I never hear him again, but if you like the idea of soulful manly hip-hop, consider giving him the time of day.
Rihanna - Barbadian dance/pop/r'n'b/hip-hop singer and model who sings about an umbrella. Apparently she's hugely famous, but I don't follow this kind of shit music so I wouldn't know. My wife likes her a lot though, so if you're a wife, go nuts.
RJD2 - Philadelphia turntablist producer guy making boring songs to dance or smoke dope to. Some instrumental and others with gentle male vocals. Many with piano, several with a '70s funk-soul feel, a few with scratching, none with exceptional melodies. Reminds me of Fatboy Slim, whom I also find dull. Reminds my wife of Gnarls Barkley, whom I also also find dull.
Russian Circles - Boring and cheerless instrumental Chicago trio playing lugubrious and overly melodramatic midtempo rock. In dire need of some party hearty sunglasses and a beach ball.
Surfer Blood - Their '60s-styled MySpace tracks demonstrate a love for Animal Collective and early Weezer, and their tagline is "Condoleezza Rice, secretary of weed." Plenty melodic and poppy, though certainly not the most creative style. If this description makes you want to hear them, you will likely enjoy them.
The Big Pink - This British electronic pop-rock duo plays a mixture of '80s 120 Minutes-style New Romance and '90s shoegaze prettiness. Nice melodic vocals and warm gentle loving feel. I don't intend to purchase anything by them, but it's always great to have people out there who bother writing vocal melodies.
The Watson Twins - L.A. identical twin female alt-folk-pop duo reminds me of Joni Mitchell (hippy), Christine McVie (laidback) and Kim Deal (hip) all thrown together in one pleasantly melodic two-person person. They also do a cover of The Cure's "Just Like Heaven" that slows it down to langorous marijuana euphoria. They don't kick enough grindcore ass for me to bold them, but I wouldn't throw them out of Lilith Fair for eating crackers.
Therefore I Am - This Boston post-hardcore (i.e. crybaby emo-metal) band is a tedious cliche'd joke to anybody outside Alternative Press's weepy 12-year-old readership. This entire subgenre really needs to consider adding a second emotion to its terrible repertoire.
Tune-Yards - This manly-voiced Oakland woman uses her ukulele to create child-friendly folk/reggae/Jamaican/African music, and then piles crazy noises, voices and samples on top of it. Imagine a cross between early '70s Sesame Street and The Fall. (Who's that in the garbage can? Why, it's Mark E. The Grouch!) Not even the slightest bit similar to 'my kind of music,' but I love the fact that she clutters up all her songs with extraneous ridiculousness.
Zomby - British Dubstep artist. Do you know what "Dubstep" is? HORSE SHIT IN A CAN! This latest regression in electronic music apparently involves repeating a simplistic quarter-melody over a basic stoned beat over and over and over again. If you're incapable of creating music like this by age five, it's time to separate into sperm and egg and go back where you came from.
HIP NEW BANDS OF 2010 DAYS GONE BY
A Sunny Day In Glasgow - This Philadelphia band with six members and seven ex-members plays trebly, reverbed dreampop with pretty female vocals. Puts me in the mind of Galaxie 500. Gentle and occasionally lovely, but mostly tedious. Just go buy a My Bloody Valentine EP and be done with it.
A.A. Bondy - Alabama alt-folk-country artist with lovely lo-fi acoustic/electric guitar tones and pleasant voice. Not exactly my kind of music (very mellow), but at least he doesn't have a Southern accent. I'm a racist about that sort of thing.
Acid Witch - ScaaAaaAaaAry doom/thrash band on Razorback brings you super-heavy guitars, super-low growly vocals, 'eerie' keyboards and witch-oriented songs like "Witch House," "The Black Witch" and "Witchblood Cult." Not the most innovative music in the world, but a lot of you kids today like the 'doom metal,' so you might enjoy it.
Andrew Jackson Jihad - Foul-mouthed cracking-voice Arizona acoustic folk college music wimps. I was warned that they had their worst songs posted on MySpace, and sweet Christ do I hope that's true. Because THEY FUCKING SUCK.
As I Lay Dying - This San Diego metal band combines cool old school thrash riffs, super-heavy chug-a-chugging and dull vocals by a gruff screamer and an emo singer. They might consider chugging a different chord on occasion so every song wouldn't sound so similar, but I gotta give them "Props" for the old school thrash riffs! Yay, Megadeth! (speaking of poor vocals)
Baroness - Georgia band that sounds like a Boston/Soundgarden supergroup with Tony Iommi on lead guitar and harmony vocals by Andrew WK and Rivers Cuomo. In other words, smooth warm distorted guitar tone playing grungey metal with '70s lead licks and melodic but scratched-throat vocals. It's a nice sound, but the songs themselves aren't very interesting -- sorta like weaker CKY material. Incidentally, they have an album called "The Blue Album," but I swear that's not why I thought to mention Rivers Cuomo!
Bear In Heaven - This Brooklyn band seems equally influenced by psych, prog and synthpop. As such, most of their music is haunting and mesmeric rock, and then all of a sudden they'll toss something out that sounds like a wimpier Depeche Mode. The proggy stuff is great though! Dark, moody, loud, excellent!
Beat Circus - This Boston band mixes old-timey music with modern rock and rural gothic sickness by combining normal rock instrumentation with harmonica, Farfisa, accordion, trumpet, trombone, viola, saw, violin and banjo. Their more straightforward songs can get a bit too Squirrel Nut Zipper cutesy for me, but their darker material is delightfully creepy.
Black Feelings - Loud Canadian psych trio with organ, distorted bass, busy Keith Moon drums, soulless tenor vocals and cacophonous goodness. A bit reminiscent of THEUSAISAMONSTER, if you know them. Loud, druggy and enjoyable!
Black Tide - Corny Miami band that sounds like Skid Row or something with their 'tuff boyz' hair metal. Hilariously anachronistic, especially considering they aren't aging '80s vets -- they all look about 15 years old!
Blessthefall - Heavy Arizona emo/screamo with the usual screaming/sensitive-singing dichotomy. Judging from their haircuts, they might just be Attack Attack! under a different name (good work, stereotypes). Every single song is plodding and whiny, with high-pitched trebly minor chords. Like a dumbed-down Isis. One of the guitarists can play pretty fast note runs, but he chooses to do so for only about 10 seconds per song.
Blu & Exile - Oakland hip hop duo whose beats incorporate jazzy loops, '60s soul, horns and such. If you are thoroughly excited by the idea of somebody SPEAKING IN RHYME, then by Christ how can you live without this. I tried and my duodenum fell out.
Brand New - This major-label alt-rock band from Long Island has a problematic split personality. Their best songs are slow pretty pieces of emotion built upon piano, guitar arpeggios and multiple voices singing in harmony -- a delight and treat for the ears of love! Unfortunately, their other songs are an atrocious mix of generic pop-punk and godawful screaming emo shit garbage. Give the ballads a listen; tie the others in a bag and throw them off a bridge.
Brutal Knights - High-speed Canadian punkers with a raspy vocalist. Fun mid-'80s sound and good energy! It's nothing you haven't heard from a million other punk bands, but at least it's REAL punk rock and not that radio-friendly pop-punk trash. And can you beat song titles like "I Do Nothing" and "Why The Beard?" My assessment: No.
Cage The Elephant - This Kentucky fried chicken band has mastered everything from radio-ready alt-rock and White Stripes sloppy bottleneckery to funky Spin Doctors potsmokery and blooze guitar wankery -- all without writing a single decent riff! Also the singer sounds far too cocky for somebody from Kentucky.
Cale Parks - Brooklyn drummer goes solo to perform boring '80s-style synth-drenched New Romantic pop. I can't believe Generation Z feels so much nostalgia for one of the most stultifying subgenres in musical history. A couple of his songs are kinda pretty, but seriously -- Spandau Ballet's "True" is not something to aspire to.
Cartel - Radio-ready Georgia emo power-pop band for little girls, blissfully unburdened by creative ideas. Green Day is responsible for this tidal wave of ballless shit our radio is drowning in today. May God damn all three of you to Hell, members of Green Day. And don't try to argue "Hey don't blame Green Day for their imitators" or I'll just ask God to damn them to hell for SUCKING SO MUCH ASS.
Cecil Otter - Boring white rapper and member of Minneapolis "Doomtree Hip-Hop Collective" dully raps dull rhymes over dull hip-hop cliches and dull sub-Beastie Boys funk beats. If you told me this was a solo record by Linkin Park's boring white rapper, I'd probably answer, "Yeah, I know."
Clockcleaner - Everybody seems to think I'll love this Philadelphia noise-rock trio, but to me they just sound like an ugly reverb-heavy AmRep retread. Maybe I just haven't found the right record yet? I don't like "Nevermind" at all -- it just sounds like bad '90s Flipper or something. And their (few) MySpace tracks are equally unexceptional - just sleazy post-Halo of Flies/Boss Hog/Lubricated Goat greaser stuff with bad vocals and a hint of Fang/Feederz hatefulness. Oh well.
Cobalt - Swiss electro-pop quartet with viola, female vocals, and a cool dark mood. The viola is a great touch, but otherwise it sorta just sounds like Garbage for the new millennium. But with a lot more watches and chocolate. Ha ha! I've made a Switzerland joke! Also, I compare every female-fronted band to Garbage. That's life, and there's nothing any of us can do about it.
Davila 666 - Puerto Rican band that plays '60sy melodic garage pop with Spanish vocals. Choosing nostalgia over innovation obviously, but doing so in a very warm and pretty manner. If you like the poppier stuff on Nuggets II, this band should put a smile on your "puss," which is apparently an Old People term for "mouth," even though it sounds suspiciously like a common term for "vagina."
Dear Landlord - Illinois la-de-da pop-punkers of the Screeching Weasel/Fat Records school of aggressively played but annoyingly cutesy sing-songiness. Defeater's too sad; Dear Landlord's too happy -- aren't there any ANGRY punk rockers anymore?
Defeater - Sad and boring Massachusetts post-hardcore band led by a nondescript screamer. All their songs are unpleasant minor-key drags shouted at you in a single note.
Dessa - Another boring member of Minneapolis' "Doomtree Hip-Hop Collective," this one a woman whose delivery is as cocky as her material is shitty. Could somebody please tell these people they're white? It is possible to perform hip-hop without blackfacing your voicebox, I'm nearly sure of it. My wife likes it though, and she's much more into the "people talking over somebody else's music" genre than I am. Actually Dessa sings too, so that's not a very good argument. Let me just put it simply: she bores me, as do most hip-hop artists.
Drake - Generic auto-tuned Canadian soul/hip-hopper from "DeGrassi: The Next Generation" who raps and auto-sings about having sex with the ladies. The artist asks, "Is anything I'm doing brand new?" The reviewer responds, "You're joking, right?"
El Ten Eleven - This instrumental L.A. post-rock duo (drums and double-neck guitar/bass) is sort of a cross between Trans Am and Minus The Bear with its shining clean-toned activities and hammer-on playing. Lovely harmonics, enjoyable melodies, diverse guitar/bass tones and neat instrumental overplay all help to augment their sound, but their endless optimism and happy vibes eventually render every song interchangeable, which might grate on your nerves if you're a dark brooder. So feel good or GET FUCKED!
Errors - Instrumental Scottish electronic disco-rock quartet. Sort of Kraftwerky but with a greater lead guitar presence. Or Trans Ammy with less humor. Either way, they're not bad at all - especially if you like to boogie!
Execration - Insane Colorado grindcore band with the usual "Cookie Monster" vocalist and a brutal blunt attack of brutality and attacking bluntery. Half the time you can't hear anything but the drums and vocals though, and that hardly helps the budding melodicists among us. Still, I like what I can hear!
Ezra Furman & The Harpoons - This quartet plays high-spirited '80s college rock that sounds an awful lot like early Violent Femmes, with the fast acoustic strumming and wiggly voice. I loathe the Violent Femmes, but if you miss their fast, fey and folksy brand of '80s indie rock, the Harpoons should be right up your assey. Sample quirky titles include "I Wanna Be Ignored" and "God Is A Middle-Aged Woman." Tee-hee! Can you IMAGINE!?
Fool's Gold - L.A. collective that weaves together western pop aesthetics with African rhythms and melodies. Sounds like something David Byrne would like! Melodic pop-rock, but full of world music percussion, diverse instrumentation, and (get THIS) lyrics in Hebrew! It's upbeat and good for the spirit, and honestly I'm not generally into this type of music at all, but Fool's Gold is excellent at it! Perhaps it's because one of their members used to be in The Fall?
Forget Cassettes - Nashville alt-rock band led by a woman who wishes she were early PJ Harvey but she ISN'T and she NEVER WILL BE. Not that it matters because early PJ Harvey was terrible.
fun. - NYC indie pop trio with a high-pitched male singer, clean guitars, silly percussive noises, occasional piano, synths and strings and a truly grating style of light-hearted quirkiness. Fey, gay and very Broadway.
Gary War - Probably influenced by Hawkwind, Mr. War plays an anxious and echoey brand of lo-fi sci-fi psych-rock distinguished by its swirly synths, effects-ridden guitars, strange chord changes and incomprehensible multi-track vocals in the background. One or two songs are great; any more and I feel like I've fallen into an aquarium aboard a space rocket. The coolest thing about him is that he can sign his checks as "G.WAR."
Girls - Reverb-heavy San Francisco band whose singer was raised in the Children Of God cult. Their Myspace songs include (a) a dreamy chamber pop Animal Collective/Beach Boys peace cloud, (b) Elvis Costello pop, (c) fuzzed-out beach music, (d) mellow arpeggio instrumental and (e) friendly power pop. The singer has a gross voice that sounds like he has a bunch of pimples, and the songs are overwhelmingly underwhelming. Never again will I be able to say "I like girls" without feeling the need to qualify "No no, the ones with tits."
Goldie Lookin Chain - Welsh comedic hip-hop has that great Half Man Half Biscuit/TISM sense of humor. Recommended! "Who will be next to be pushing daisies?/I've got my cash on Patrick Swayze/There's one thing in life on which you can rely/One day Bono is going to die." Classy! Fun backup music (or "beats" too). My wife loves them too! "They really sound like a young Beastie Boys," she says. Right now we're enjoying the track, "I woke up today; everybody was a DJ/Every motherfucker in the world was a DJ." A few of their songs suck, but certainly not "Your Mother's Got A Penis"!
Handsome Deville - American band whose goal is to "make music fun again" by playing generic Green Day pop-punk and STP grunge. Ironically, I was having plenty of fun before I turned this shit on.
Hot Seconds - This Brooklyn quintet plays predictable chord-driven radio-ready slicked-up slightly dancey modern rock. The songs all sound specifically designed to sell units -- and probably will, since their songs are less irritating than most of today's horrific ClearChannel bands. But I've heard too much music to hear anything new here, and when the singer tries to sound 'tuff,' I feel like hiring somebody to smack him.
Jay Reatard - Memphis rocker who just died of a cocaine/alcohol combination at age 29. The first time I heard him, I thought I was listening to early Wire outtakes, but I soon realized I don't much care for his songwriting He mostly played happy-sounding punk-inspired rock and sang with a high warbly voice. A lot of people love his work though, and he definitely died way too young.
Jeffree Star - L.A. androgyne plays sleazy but musically cliche'd dance-rock-pop with heavily autotuned vocals. "Sucked off Kanye West, now I'm one of the pros/Ain't no bitch who can do it like me/I got a Ph.D. in faggotry"!? My wife would probably love this dogshit, so do me a favor and don't play it for her.
Jesu - Justin Broadrick's latest experimental rock band is slow, heavy and guitar-driven but also surpisingly melodic. It's like Godflesh gone shoegaze! Call me a sucker for Justin Broadrick, but these are lovely heavy songs, consarnit!
Jesus H. Christ & the Four Hornsmen Of The Apocalypse - NYC octet that combines Americana rock, angry punk rock, fey acoustic folk, a horn section, novelty gags, lost-love sorrow and female vocals in songs like "Connecticut's For Fucking" and "Alcoholics In My Town." A bit too cutesy and collegey for my tastes, but people who graduated in the '80s might like it.
Job For A Cowboy - Formulaic Arizona death metal band. Very heavy guitars, tight riffs, lots of time signature changes, and vocals that range from Sore Throat growly to hoarse 'n' high screaming. I quite enjoy the two "new tracks" they have on MySpace, but all the older material is just standard death metal with almost no memorable passages.
Jon Hopkins - British electronic music composer who flits from Eno-ey drones and piano ballads to moody Radiohead electronica and dancey goodness. He has a few stirring melodies, but much of it strikes me as kinda boring. Then again, I have the attention sp
Katy Perry - California pop singer who uses the same breathless voice-cracking gimmick in every goddamned song she sings. I love "Hot & Cold" more than any man with hair on his chest should, but "I Kissed A Girl" sucks a bi-curious dick compared to the adorable 1995 Jill Sobule hit of the same title. Still, as far as music for eight-year-old girls goes, I've definitely heard worse. Specifically, Britney Spears.
Laura Barrett - Canadian woman who sings while playing the thumb piano. She coaxes some pretty creepy melodies out of that thing when she tries, but the more prosaic songs just sound like an old woman singing lullabies to her grandchildren in the 1920s. She apparently also plays piano, kazoo, bass pedals and banjo. Although I tire of the thumb piano sound, Laura definitely seems like an odd and interesting songwriter.
Madvillain - MF Doom and Madlib together, creating woozy dope-smoking hip-hop with dull TV sample/sound collages where the stupid skits usually go. The beats and voices aren't blatantly commercial, but they also aren't particularly interesting. Then again, I never claimed to be "Steve Breakdance Music."
Major Lazer - Ths British collaborative musical project from DJ/producers Diplo and Switch performs a mixture of bad dub reggae, tedious hip-hop, bland electro and terrible autotuned soul. One song samples Black Flag's "Six Pack," and they do a funny bit where a baby is born with ingrained autotune, but otherwise it's just patois-drenched doldrums so sluggish you can't even dance to them. A dope-smoking bore, Ron. Don't make me yawn!
Math The Band - Brain-piercingly happy Massachusetts electronic duo with an excitable boy singer-guitarist and Moog/Korg/Arp/Yamaha-playing girl. I could deal with the glee if the melodies weren't simplistic little kids' music, but they are. These two definitely need a bit less sugar in their diet.
Mayday Parade - Vomit-inducing Tallahassee radio emo pop la-de-da shit crybaby music for girls and pussies. I'll stick with my ass-kicking, ball-busting Everclear, thanks.
Megafaun - Durham, NC country-folk band with a banjo and lots of Southern accented men singing in harmony. It's amazing how people with such nauseating individual voices can sound so incredible when vocalizing together. Their songs alternate between sleepy ballads, dark banjo folk and gross early '70s country-rock. The dark songs are very evocative and you can't beat those multiple harmonies, but I'm just not a fan of country-rock. I keep expecting them to bust out into the chorus of "Elvira."
Memory Tapes - A New Jersey guy who plays a lo-fi take on 80s New Romantic electronic pop. There are no words for how much I hate this music. Having said that, it's still 500 times better than Mayday Parade.
Mimas - Danish band that combines moody post-rock with bland indie rock, then tops it with annoyingly energetic, high-pitched and yelly college-student-next-door vocals. Get it together Mr. Assvoice, or you'll never be a Great Dane.
Miranda Lambert - Terrible country-pop woman with thick rednecky hick accent. What is UP with this big country music resurgence in the U.S.? This music is SO GENERIC! Hey Miranda - learn to speak English or GET THE HELL OUT OF MY COUNTRY!
Misery Signals - I could've sworn this Wisconsin band started out as metalcore, but they seem to be making a disconcerting move towards screamo with its usual boring minor-key chords and alternating screaming/emo singing vocalists. They're still plenty heavy and continue to throw in tight time-signature changes every now and then, but I certainly won't be buying any of their newer records. Granted, that's mainly because I've been unemployed for over a year.
Mondo Drag - Iowa Quartet plays '70s blues-influenced hard rock, with funky riffs and organs. I hope they're having fun, because they're certainly not contributing anything new to the musical universe.
Monsters Of Folk - "Supergroup" featuring M. Ward, two Bright Eyes guys and the My Morning Jacket singer rips off Lou Barlow's "Folk Explosion" band name and records enjoyable (if traditional) country-folk, bland indie rock, and even a bit of sub-Radiohead electronic music. Nowhere near as annoying as Bright Eyes, but their best songs are just variations on age-old country and folk themes (and their worst are DULL AS DIRTINESS).
Mungolian Jet Set - This Norwegian electronic music duo creates long dancey club tracks with layered male and female vocals and clickity-plickity-filled electro-beats that slowly fill up with dozens of different noises, instruments and melodies. At times quite very much enjoyable and dance-tastic! At other times slow, ambient and boring. But when they keep the tempo up and the weird noises coming in, it's like Meat Beat Manifesto got GOOD again!
Nekrogoblikon - This silly California metal band focuses their songwriting chiefly on goblins (sample titles: "Goblins Ahoy," "In The Hall of the Goblin King," ""Goblins Are Better Than Trolls"). The singer uses high-pitched whispery black metal vocals, the riffs combine NWOBHM bombast, thrash chugging and what sound like old sea shanty and polka melodies, and the production is enhanced with accordions, pianos, keyboards, strings, dance breaks and other silly things. They're great at their instruments and always put lots of fun trickles and trinkets into the mix, but personally it too often makes me feel like I'm back listening to Lawnmower Deth, which is not something I wish to EVER be reminded of.
Neon Indian - This Texas man/band uses the goofiest synthesizer tones available to play corny '70s ballads and lifeless disco. It sounds like Thomas Dolby doing a Todd Rundgren tribute, and makes a great gift for fans of exceedingly bad music. "Should Have Taken Acid With You" is very pretty though, so check that one out. It could be a Jesus and Mary Chain song!
Noisettes - London alt-rock band with a female singer of Zimbabwe descent. Neither "noise"y nor "ttes," they instead play bland dance music, middle-of-the-road alt-rock and '60s soul nostalgia with extremely professional vocals. She also pronounces "mischievous" as a four-syllable word, which drives me up the fucking wall. LOOK AT THE WORD, ASSHOLE -- THERE'S NO 'E' AFTER THE 'V'.
Obscura - This German progressive death metal band plays very quickly, screams/growls hoarsely, and interjects lots of great sicko riffs, unexpected chord changes and time signature shiftaroos throughout. Highly recommended to metal people with their metal ideas! They're on Relapse, like most good metal bands of today.
Polar Bear Club - Upstate New York band that plays a promising but extremely frustrating cross between mid-'80s emo and late-'00s emo. Every time they whip up a tuneful emotional brew with gravelly sing-shouting that has you exclaiming, "Hey! It's Embrace Jr.! It's Rites Of Spring UK!," they then let the singer with the sissyboy voice take over and it all devolves into Fall Out Boy garbage. More like "Polar UNBEARABLE Club" if you ask me! Heh heh. Well, except for the good parts.
Real Estate - Brooklyn-via-New Jersey surf-pop band. Two of their MySpace songs are beautiful, but the other two are boring. Perhaps the band is both good AND bad!!!!
Set Your Goals - NOFX-y Bay Area pop-punk band completely destroyed by two whiny emo vocalists.
Shooting At Unarmed Men - Former McLusky guy formed band, then moved to Australia and formed new version of band (now defunct). He screams in his warbly voice, the band plays loud trebly instruments and nothing is taken too seriously. They play hooky and clever treble-rock of both light and dark varieties -- and it beats the HELL out of Future Of The Left.
Sondre Lerche - Norwegian Brooklyn songwriter who writes awful, cloying pop-rock songs. Nauseatingly breezy garbage with guitars, piano and strings. He has a nice Julian Casablancas/Ray Davies voice, but his songs induce diarrhea.
Stardeath And White Dwarfs - Oklahoma band whose lead singer is the nephew of Flaming Lips singer Wayne Coyne. The CD artwork looks just like the Flaming Lips, the mix sounds just like the Flaming Lips, and the music sucks just like the Flaming Lips (would if they sucked). Seriously, they're just a substandard Flaming Lips tribute band. They can forget about ripping off Zaireeka though; I can't imagine anyone wanting to play ONE of their CDs at the same time.
Subtle - Oakland hip-hop/shit-rock sextet that plays synths, guitars and occasionally winds and strings too. They describe themselves as "Tool meets P.M. Dawn, but with an excited Ice-T doing vocals," but to me they sound more like Linkin Park, Radiohead, Steve Miller's synth player and the Fu-Schnickens fighting over a recording studio. My wife's assessment: "Now THIS sucks." I actually like the slower and more evocative melodies, but ALL the vocals are annoying because the main guy has a disgusting high-pitched voice. And how on Earth did they come up with the name "Subtle"? This is some of the most annoyingly IN-YOUR-FACE music I've ever heard!
Tera Melos - This California trio combines intricate Minus The Beary guitar lines and math-rock rhythm changes with basic indie rock, long dull jams and occasional electronics. They're tight as hell, but the songs are pretty draggy.
Thao with the Get Down Stay Down - San Francisco alt-rock trio with a thick-tongued high-pitched female vocalist who "often cites Lilith Fair as an inspiration for her desire to become a singer/songwriter." The singer sounds like Perry Farrell and Shannon Hoon mixed together and converted into a fat lesbian, and the music is pleasant but not terribly innovative folk-tinged 'eh.' Too friendly to hate, but not interesting enough to like.
The Antlers - Originally a one-man project, this Brooklyn trio plays slow, sophisticated 'chamber pop' with piano, organ, strummy guitars, pretty falsettos, well-written vocal melodies and melancholy galore. Apparently their latest disc ("Hospice") is a concept album about a nurse falling in love with an abusive bone cancer patient. So get ready to party down! The earlier material I've heard isn't super-exciting, but this Hospice stuff sounds great.
The Black Dahlia Murder - Annoying Michigan death/black metal band with an overactive drummer and a vocalist who raspily whisper-wails as high as he can and then swoops down to a low growl. Most of the riffs are generic minor-key also-rans, and the drummer is incapable of letting 1/16th of a second pass without interjecting a thumping noise. Every once in a while they come up with a decent ass-kicking riff, but it's impossible to enjoy under the Norwegian Sammy Hagar vocals and impenetrable wall of THUBBA-THUBBA-THUBBA-THUBBA-THUBBA.
The Cave Singers - Seattle indie folk rock trio plays predominantly acoustic arpeggio tunes with an annoying vocalist who pronounces every word as if he were a rock star ("talking" as "tah-ow-kin'," etc.). The guitarist is good with his fingers, but the music seems geared towards laidback college students who hang out at the coffee shop -- if they're girls, they don't shave their legs.
The Death Set - This Brooklyn-via-Australia band plays bouncy, childlike lo-fi new wave pop-punk with guitars, silly keyboards and electronic beats. It's an adorable sound, but one of the main guys was tragically found dead about five tragic months ago.
The Eighties Matchbox B-line Disaster - British "psychosis rock" (!?) band combines Elvis-style rockabilly vocals with brooding attitude, hard rock riffs, goth keyboards and punk energy. Hey, this is DEATH ROCK! Sort of like The Gun Club, The Cramps, The Cult, Foetus and The Damned all thrown in a blender and converted into a delightful smoothie. The guy's voice is too high in the mix, but I like the gritty sound and angry swampy riffs a lot. Song titles include "Whack Of Shit" and "Celebrate Your Mother."
The Intelligence - This lo-fi band has an over-reverbed '60s garage rock aesthetic and some great material to go with it. The sonics are nostalgic, but the songwriting sure isn't. These songs are clever! Electric guitars, cheap electronics, male vocals and cheap cheap goodness. I'll compare them to The Fall, but only in the sense that their songs are simple and noisy yet creative and hooky. I was all prepared to hate them for their arrogant band name, but what do you know? It FITS!
The Ocean - This German band plays "Epic, Orchestral" metal, which is to say they mix violins and shitty alt-rock in with their slow, endless metal songs. Some of their chord changes are beautiful in their sorrow and hopelessness, but most of the songs just drag on and on and on with all the energy of a sleeping old man. But what do I know? I don't even like Porcupine Tree.
The Secret Handshake - Texas-based Canadian who plays terrible autotuned happy girl pop on his piano, drum machine and autotuner. If any straight male over the age of 12 enjoys this music, he should probably check his testicles to make sure they've fallen.
The Swell Season - Folk-rock duo featuring an Irish man and Czech woman playing acoustic guitar and piano. If you miss that lazy singer-songwriter acoustic feel of the early '70s, gross. You'd might as well just listen to Gordon Lightfoot if you're excited by music this bland.
The Swellers - Overly earnest Michigan emo punk rockers. There are currently 500,000 other bands that sound just like this. Go see the Warped Tour and prove me right.
The XX - This British band plays sexy electro-pop and post-punk with male and female vocals. Sort of like an Interpol or Editors geared towards soulful fucking people. The male singer sounds like one of those worthless drug-addled morons that look good so women sleep with them. PRICKS! Sorry if I seem overly angry this week; I'm still suffering with this headache that Mayday Parade gave me earlier.
Them Crooked Vultures - Josh Homme, John Paul Jones and Dave Grohl collaborate on hard rock that is uglier than Queens of the Stone Age, stupider than Led Zeppelin and less melodic than Foo Fighters. There are a couple of good riffs, I guess. I like "Bandoliers." But honestly, most of the songs just suck.
These United States - Large collective based in DC and Kentucky plays bouncy indie pop-rock with keyboards, country-lickin' rock guitars and a lazy slacker singer who ruins even the best songs with his tuneless half-asleep approach. Hey you're not J Mascis ASSHOLE put some effort into it! Some of the (overly happy) music isn't bad, but Christ this singer is a piss-off.
They Shoot Horses, Don't They? - Quirky but defunct Canadian septet played darkly fun, oddball tunes highlighted by horn sections, group vocals, organ and rollicking drums. I usually hate horns, but these guys used them in a smart and melodic way. They broke up though, so never mind.
Thou - Very heavy doom metal with whisper-shriek black metal vocals and occasional forays into Neurosis-style "unfathomably beautiful hopelessness." The guitar tone is of course godlike and when they add emotional guitar lines, it sounds incredible. On the down side, the one-note vocals add nothing and the main chord sequences -- though certainly not BAD -- aren't much different from what other doom bands have been doing for ages.
Title Fight - Pennsylvania band plays fast melodic hardcore and pop-punk songs predominantly based on melancholy chords and vocals. It's not awful, but who listens to hardcore to feel sad!? Goths with ADHD?
TV Ghost - This Indiana quartet plays '60s-tinged piss-off noise rock with trebly skrankly guitars, heavy distorted bass, treated vocals, '60s organ and reverb all over everything. Sort of The Monks meets Crime meets AmRep? Thank God there are still bands like this out there. Not metal or indie or punk or emo -- just aggressive, slightly twisted ROCK!!!
U.S.E. (United State of Electronica) - Seattle "dance-rock" band that specializes in puke-drinking auto-tuned shit pop and retread disco. But then you can't spell "USED CONDOM" without "U.S.E."
White Denim - This Austin trio is all over the place. Sloppy trash rock, driving psych, British music hall, reggae-rock, Sun City Girls-style wailing, Minutemen bass action, Meat Puppets desert guitar noodling, melodic indie rock, acoustic strumming, Irish jigging, skrangy wah-wah guitars, pretty vibes and organs, saxophone, clanking industrial percussion, banjo, Hell's Angels vocals -- all produced rough, raw and real. I'm not too fond of the lead vocals (kind of ugly), but it's always nice to hear a creative rock band that isn't afraid to try anything. Hear them!
Wild Beasts - Sissy English disco-pop-rock band with wiggly lead vocals that keep leaping into horrifying screamy falsetto. I love gay people, but this music is a fucken fagit.
Winds Of Plague - California black metal/deathcore band with a mohawked tattooed growler, bland guitar lines and sad goth keyboards that drown everything out anyway. Because nothing kicks ass like a keyboard. "Winds Of Plague"!? More like "Winds of FAGue," if you ask me!!! Heh heh, that was a good one. I really stuck it to 'fags' with that one.
Yakuza - This Chicago quartet mixes tight pummelling screaming metal with overdramatic Tool-esque atmospheric alt-metal crap, then further muddies the waterslide with corny light jazz saxophone and clarinet. I approve of the screaming metal portions, for sure -- the drummer pounds faster and meaner than a tree! But the cheeseball 'dynamic' passages can make like Paul Reubens and beat it. (ZING!) (if this were 1991)
You Me At Six - This British quintet plays obvious radio-ready modern rock full of '90s production gimmicks, and would fit perfectly between The Killers and One Republic in your garbage can.
First album has some power and a lot less polish. Not sure why they wanted to become a second rate Amy Winehouse affair. Oh right, money.
Shingai, their singer/bassist, will become a superstar someday, and without this band.
I've always been into Black Dahlia Murder, but much more live than on record. After about five songs, it all just starts running together and you can't distinguish anything.
And yes, Winds of Plague is fucking terrible. I worked a show they played and you'd be shocked at how many people, not just 15-year old kids, are obsessed with them.
Neon Indian was all over the best of 2009 lists in our alternative weekly but your review is dead on about how awful it is. Most of the rest of their choices sucked as well, but I found one surprising gem from it - Mos Def's "The Ecstatic".
I gotta break the news to you...I like Cartel. Kind of a lot. Not sure what it is, since I'll fully admit that they're pretty girly. But they're not quite as girly as say, Mayday Parade, who most definitely suck. I think the Green Day thing doesn't quite apply to Cartel, because it doesn't seem they're going for anything even resembling punk. It's just really poppy rock music, and I dunno, I guess I can't fight it. It's kinda like junk food.
P.s Thanks for reviewing Thou. They’re fucking sick as hell.
I've heard of They Shoot Horses, Don't They? At least I think I have. I'm fairly certain they were on the label Kill Rock Stars and I got a sampler with them on it when I purchased a Comet Gain album. I remember liking them. And I remember looking at videos online and liking those too. And I remember looking for free albums of theirs (hey, a guy's gotta eat, too) on slimy filesharing sites and coming up dry. Same with the band the Lucksmiths (same label), but that was more of a whim search based on ONE good review I heard.
I may try to find both for free again. If I fail, I may actually, legally buy their albums!
. . . hopefully its free.
As for Goldie Lookin' Chain, I haven't heard much but can definitely agree that "your mother's got a penis" is a work of major importance.
Subtle has two redeeming qualities:
1. They are trying to do something unique.
2. They are very high on the Unintentional Comedy Scale.
I also think the band picture on MySpace is hilarious. Have you seen 6
people who less like they are in the same band and actually don't look
like musicians at all?
But like that Obscura though (both the band and the Gorguts album).
Major Lazer - I was like cool name - thought they are probably good. Then you said "terrible autotuned" and there is no way I'm going to check it out. Now that HealthCare Reform is passed, can Congress get to the most pressing item in front of the country? Make a mandatory death penalty for using auto-tune. :-)
And I gotta tell you that Russian Circles are an amazing live band. I agree that it's pretty dour and doesn't make you wanna jump off your couch or anything, but they really turn it on live. Big and loud and perfectly played.
Anyways, keep up the great work Mark, I really like this section of the site.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=PYVCHtl02Es
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