We Care A Lot - Mordam 1985
And the same goes for the first Faith No More album. Jim Martin (frizzy-haired but not yet motorbike-looking bearded guy) plays chunkity-chunkity metal guitar lines, bassist Billy Gould (thin, looking about 14) plays some funkity-funkity bass thwanks, drummer Mike Bordin (also pre-facial hair) hits some strangely gated clunkity-clunkity minimalist industrial/hip-hop drums and singer Chuck Moseley (before he turned white and changed his name to Mike Patton) tunelessly recites everything in the punkity-punkity dumbo voice of a Kid at Widney High. The overriding tone of the music, though, is created by keyboardist Roddy Bottum (still with hair), whose infuriatingly simple minor-key note-and-chord washes paint every single song in the hue of GOTH. Dark, depressing, overdramatic GOTH. Goth with metallic guitar chords, funky bass, industrial drums and dopey vocals indeed, but Goth nevermylove.
The interesting thing about it is that for most of side one, this approach -- the merging of the different genre elements -- comes across as alarmingly fresh and exciting, yet by the end of side two, it feels as bogged-down, overblown, draggy and predictable as a Kansas album. This is mainly due to (a) Chuck's flat, limited vocal style, (b) Roddy playing the same type of keyboard line in every song, (c) Jim relying too much on the repetition of one metal chord over and over and (d) too much forced darkness. Granted, I'm only talking about a few songs, but it's not much of a leap from the dark yet brilliant and melodic "Mark Bowen" or "As The Worm Turns" to the bleak, wearying "Greed" and "New Beginnings."
Still, you can't argue with songs as genius at capturing the feeling of new youthful rebellion as "We Care A Lot" and "The Jungle." They take me back to my mid-teens, they do. Back when it was a big deal to have a friend old enough to drive. Back when my mother said I could grow my hair long in the back as long as I kept it short in the front. Back when I was too stupid to realize how such a haircutting approach might affect my social life.
Thank you for the MULLET, sir! Got an extra BULLET, sir? I'll shoot it down your GULLET, sir!
That penis-looking thing dangling between my legs is actually a little Tug-of-War rope. PULL IT, sir!
Now I'm happy to see you spent your holiday session imbibing all manner of toxic solutions before whacking on your Faith. No Man collection and spunking yer mini Burroughs gobbledegook over the keys, but you forgot one thing. You de-throned The Fall from atop the 'F' part of the index! Stick to your convictions, (and maintain a little consistency), and correct this shocking defilement of an other wise sub-par web site.
The only real stand out track for me is 'Why do you bother'. It does have a genuinely doomy feeling not next heard until Caffeine. If I listen to this nowadays it would solely for the Chuck factor. I'm not in any way trying to be cheesily ironic when I say I love this guy's voice. I agree, it's tuneless, out of key and short on any kind of ability BUT it has that individuality, singularity and other arity type adjectives that could help you out of a cul-de-sac of utter nonsense. He has a sense of humor too, "Over the hills, they came from the valley making innuendoes 'bout my lack of talent, oh well!" Vocally I will always prefer Chuck's first two albums to the horror that is Pattons' first.
The wee Jim acoustic spot is smashing too.
If you write it up, they will come.
Add your thoughts?
Introduce Yourself - Slash 1987
PASTE??? FUCK!!! Now my frajillions of readers are going to foolishly believe that side two has been dipped in Elmer's School Glue! GODDAMN YOU, Silent "E"! You're helping NO MAN!
The album rocks a little harder than the first one. Say, can I ask you something? You're a reader - you can answer. I keep reading reviews that call Mike Bordin's drumming "tribal," but I just don't hear it. He sounds more restrained on these two records than he would later, but there's nothing particularly tribal about it. Just more minimal. Does he have a tribal tattoo or something? If so, it's an understandable mistake. Sometimes I mistake the Cleveland Indians baseball team for *ACTUAL* Indians, and spend half the day in the dugout selling them blankets with tuberculosis all over them. Do you realize how hard it is to get tuberculosis onto a blanket? It's like the old adage: "You can lead tuberculosis to a blanket, but you can't tune a piano."
This IM exchange just in:
TaosterMan: what review is this, the real thing?
PrindleAske: introduce yourself
TaosterMan: introduce my DICK!!!
I'd like to introduce all of you to Rich Bunnell's penis. That is, I'd LIKE to but there's no "magnifying glass" key on this computer! HAHAHHAHA!!!! AMFEWWAAA! WAHAHAHAHAHAHAHHAAHAHAAHHAHA! (*poops into a glass; hands it to Nancy Reagan, calling it "Space-Age Dehydrated Chocolate Milk"*)
Ohhh me. We've had a swell time here today, all of us, but what say we actually talk about the album for a second? Okay then. Say, do you think this singer guy just has a bunch of foam rubber stuck up his nose? Sure you do! We ALL do! Musically, oh I already mentioned this. It's on a major-label and some of these songs totally could have been hits on modern rock radio, regardless of Uglyman Voicealot. He even SINGS on some of these songs! "The Crab Song," for example. Singing! Lots of rapping for fighting urban plight too. Guitar a bit louder in the mix; keyboard a bit quieter. More personality definitely, which comes with greater experience as a playing-together unit, I'd wager. More live performances under the belts and such. These guys don't mind making you feel negative though. As negative as you might feel after listening to a dark metal album or a Swans album. But FNM don't do it through gruff screaming, high-speed guitars or monolithic pounding: they just write very negative-sounding minor-key melodies a lot of the time. Uncomfortable? They don't care! In fact, They (don't) Care A Lot!
I first heard Faith No More right when The Real Thing came out. I was riding in a car with Kiron Cheema, my mullet and Aimee Terrebonne (this was before I dated her, FYI, and also before I pushed her far, far away through unchecked jealousy and neurosis) and listening to the first couple of albums. I remember Kiron (who later smoked marijuana) mentioning that they had a new singer. I thought this stuff sounded REALLY cool. I still think songs like "We Care A Lot" and "Faster Disco" (as well as "The Jungle" from the first album) are among the greatest songs I will ever hear in my life. Sadly, both of these first two records get bogged down in interchangeable doldrum unpleasantries as they cruise along on their merry way to Sexville, Sexconsin.
I just saw the most hilarious thing in an old Mad Magazine. Get this -- it was a movie parody called ""The Oddfather, Part... Too"! HAHAHHAHAHAHAHA!!!!!!
Wait a second. Now that I really look at it, this parody is hardly anything at all like The Odd Couple. Where the hell is Jack Klugman as "Quincy"?
Chuck's voice was never good. It was, however, so bad it was brilliant. It's just a shame his drinking and attitude led him down a path to nowhere.
Jim Martin's minimalist guitar playing was remarkably refreshing. Pummelling out the same chord for a minute or two, in the light of the late 80's widdly-widdly maturbatory guitar players, was genius. The brilliance of "Pills for Breakfast" was not reproduced until Jim guested on Primus' Anitpop track 'Eclectic Electric' alongside James Hetfield.
The Tribal nature of Mike Bordin's drumming style refers to how he forgoes the usual 'keeping the beat on the hi-hats' technique of most drummers, prefering to use both sticks on the drums, producing a lot of 'flams', giving the effect of more than one drummer playing at the same time, and thereby a tribal sound.
Add your thoughts?
* The Real Thing - Slash 1989 *
Going by your rules, he was a nobody. But he was a CUTE nobody! With long hair not unlike that of a young Mark Prindle. Which he then shaved on the sides to distinguish himself from the "metalheads," influencing a young Mark Prindle to do the same. Then he cut it all short like a normal human being. It unfortunately took a young Mark Prindle quite some time to catch up with the last move.
Which brings us to the massive hit album that brought melodic rap-funk-metal to the masses (of SHIT), almost undoubtedly influencing 311 to record "Down" in the process. Incidentally, Christian rock band Anal Cunt has a hilarious "cover" of that song called "311 Suck." If you've never heard it, go online and try to find one of those musical mpeg files that all the kids are talking about. But back to the album - it's really hard to believe that this is the same band (minus singer, plus singer) that recorded the last two records. The music is MUCH more bombastic, welcoming and singalongable, with big high-pitched energetic vocal melodies intercut with fun white rapping. None of the songs feel underwritten, arty or gothily gloomy -- even the sorrowful songs are driven by Jim Martin's much-improved-and-diversified guitar stylings rather than murky keyboard washes of facepaint tears. Roddy's got some new keyboard and piano tones up his sleeve too -- oops, no, that's just his MUSCLE tone!!! HA HA HAH! (up his sleeve = arm) The individual songs no longer feel like a strange amalgam of several different genres; instead, the band has found a wonderful new sound that seamlessly, across ALL members' playing styles, lends itself to anthemic hard rock, screaming heavy metal, melodic acoustic melancholia, bitchass rapping, funky slap bass boogie-woo, industrial screeching and even Stevie Wonder-style pop-soul.
To put it yet another way, just as the first two albums clearly belonged all over college radio, this belonged all over MTV and modern rock radio -- which is exactly where it wound up with the fantastic hit singles "Epic" and "Falling To Pieces." This is by far the most welcoming and instantly enjoyable Faith No More album before or since (it sounds like an INTELLIGENT attempt to create a hit rock record), and I recommend it quadruple-heartedly. Most critics can't do that, but I can because I'm a cow.
One other thing, before you read my opinion of everybody ELSE in the world's favorite Faith No More album: I saw the saddest thing today - dripping down the sidewalk was a freshly spilled stew consisting of kernels of corn, lima beans, and tomatoes. Call me a softy, but if there's one thing I can't stand to see, it's SUFFERING SUCCOTASH!!!!! HAHAHAHAHA!!!! AHA AHA AHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!!
My second grade teacher thought I had a mental disorder because I shook up and down in my seat all the time. Turns out I just had to pee!
Sorry about that. Discussing the album again now. Kicks so much ass. Clearly an attempt to win over a larger audience, but in a GOOD way. HIGH POINTS: "Underwater Love" & "From Out Of Nowhere" beautiful pop songs, permanently stuck in my head, that deserved to blow up just as huge as "Epic". "The Real Thing" & "Zombie Eaters" dark, ugly(yet very accessible) gothicky shit that perfects the art of soft-to-loud building up into climatic explosions of destruction a couple of years before Nirvana made it more or less obligatory in mainstream rock. "Surprise! You're Dead!" makes me (surprise!) bang my head. "Edge Of The World" is the best song ever written from the perspective of a pedophile. Cover of "War Pigs" kicks the original's ass mercilessly. LOW POINTS: I just don't like "Falling To Pieces" at all, aside from the ingenious "Indecision...clouds my vision" part. "The Morning After" & Woodpecker From Mars" just aren't very memorable. OVERALL: Very, very, very high 8. Patton was a sex god at this point in his career. I used to have my head under-shaved too, and in fact kept it that way for quite a long time. In fact, if I remember correctly, the lead singer from Living Colour had the same hairstyle back in the day too, as well as one of the guys in Primus. Is it some kind of funk-metal thing?
Live At Brixton Academy - Polygram 1991
"Hi, is this a member of Faith No More speaking?"
"Hi, this is David Polygram from Polygram Records, home of Bon Jovi."
"We've been hearing Faith No More around town on the local labels, and we think we'd like to put out one of your albums on Polygram, home of Bon Jovi."
"But there's just one problem. Oh - hang on. That's an incoming call from Bon Jovi."
"Screw Bon Jovi - You're FNM. Anyway, there's just one thing -- we want to simply re-record live versions of nearly every song on The Real Thing in ultra-shiny versions nearly identical to those found on the original album, along with absolutely nothing from your first two albums except for the song "We Care A Lot."
"Umm... Is that okay?"
"Errr... We're PUNK! We're REAL! We're HARDCORE! We'll NEVER SELL OUT!"
"Well, we're prepared to offer you 14 million dollars for one 12-song CD."
"Just write a couple of new studio tracks to throw in at the end. Somethin' - somethin' the kids would like. Something like a dull by-the-numbers 'dark' throwaway and an adorable slide guitar instrumental. But basically, we just want you to re-record most of the last album for absolutely no reason at all."
"Re-record most of the last album? Why, we'd LOVE to re-record most of the last album!"
"Excellent. Also, have Mike Patton sing as if he's a retarded child and make lots of stupid scary 'ROAR!' noises. Oh! And imbecilic stage patter! A must!"
"Will do! Oh - also, I don't have anything to do with Faith No More. I sell Mexican dildos."
"Oh. I must have dialed the wrong number. Why'd you say you were with the band?"
"I just got all excited."
"Oh. Well, that's okay. Say -- what's the difference between a Mexican dildo and an American dildo?"
"Oh boy! I haven't heard this one. I don't know - what?"
"No no, I wasn't telling a joke. I was asking you a question."
"Oh! Sorry about that. Well, the deal with a Mexican dildo is that it gives you incredible diarrhea."
"Why in God's name would anybody want that?"
"Well I don't TELL them that!"
"What do you tell them then?"
"I don't know. Different crap. Mexicans have perfected the ancient erotic arts of the Llama Sutra, our products are all personally tested by Salma Hayek and not washed afterwards - you know, crap like that. Dildo buyers aren't too bright. Heck, our top-selling "A-MAIZE-ing Sensations" model is just an uncooked ear of corn."
"But then aren't you just taking advantage of people? Basically ripping them off?"
"As opposed to a live Faith No More album that's just a soundalike version of their previous album?"
"Hey, fuck you pal."
"Fuck ME? Hey -- fuck YOU!"
"Fuck ME? Fuck YOU!"
"I'll order six."
"'Sticks'? I don't sell sticks."
"Ow! My hand hurts and the phone's all staticy!"
The preceding excerpt appears in the upcoming Doubleday non-fiction book The Amityville Horror 9: The House Calls A Dildo Store To Sign Faith No More Up For a Live Album
Angel Dust - Slash 1992
Earlier in this text, I mentioned a "decision" made by the band. This decision had nothing to do with a court case, nor are the members of Faith No More officially recognized as judges in most U.S. districts. They DID, however, reach a mindful agreement to not repeat themselves. They had their time in the limelight and were faced with the decision of either writing more easily digestible MTV hits (which most likely would NOT have worked since their hearts clearly weren't into that idea) or attempting to do something a bit more challenging and darker. They chose self-respect and with it gave up any chance of continuing their reign as alt-rock's rap-funk heroes. This record is neither funky nor rappy, but filled with biting wit and covered in harsh chord sequences, sorrowful piano lines and oddball novelty tracks of various genres squeezed into a painful brick wall of bitter metallic rock. General "Mike" Patton is doing his part as well, completely turning his back on the young Anthony Keidis clone of the last record to introduce (to a wider audience) his Mr. Bungle persona of a ranting, screaming, crooning nutball with about a hundred different vocal approaches.
I have never in my life met a person who liked this record the first time they heard it. But when you finally get it, you REALLY get it. It may still make you feel unpleasant inside, but the smarts are all over the place (am I nuts or is the guitar solo in "Everything's Ruined" lifted from a Robert Plant song?), and every song goes from point A to points B, C, D, E and F (while piling on points G, H and I), utilizing repetition but only with new and unpredictable elements piled on top. No other Faith No More record sounds like anywhere near as much effort was put into ensuring that the songs would remain brainingly rewarding after 10 or 15 listens. Heck, sometimes it takes that many listens for a song's hidden charms to rise to the surface of your cerebellum water. (I STILL haven't completely come around to the first two songs -- they're just such UGLY, UNINVITING ways to begin a record!)
But heavy metal has always been dark and I even love the Swans, so who knows why I feel so much pushback from this particular release. Maybe because the last record was so pleased to meet me? Or because this one rattles my house til it's all shook down? I guess I should just let it be and enjoy the angry hootenanny because one thing's for sure - it doesn't stink!
Please don't tell a soul about that last paragraph. Especially not Tim!
Because then I'd have to pretend he was my mother and say, "Sorry Ma, Forgot to
HEY! The computer monitor just took a shit on my hand!
(I guess I'll have to find a "Replacement"! Ha hah!! Hey! Paul! What's "West" of y"er" "berg"? HAHHHHAHH BLKJLKRWE)
Over to Angel Dust, an album among the greatest records ever made that I own. Your word of the day is: raunchy. I see every single song on here as a brilliantly shaped pile of dirt. It is the cultivating of ugliness. It is more than a crossover of metal, pop, funk and soul. It's music with a dark secret (and no, it is NOT gothic)(at all!)(shut up!).
And that is because all 5 members take up full space. They aren't exactly virtuous (though very skilled) but they are creative! Boy are they creative. The bass/drumcombination is everpresently pounding all through the album, while still finding room for nuances. Mikes voice has been evolving vastly since Real Thing: he sings, grunts, squeals, yells, pants. You can say what you want about that, but not that it isn't a variety. The keyboards and samples add harmony and at the same time a layer of sarcasm to the songs. And even though Jim Martin hated making the record, he manages to differ his sound much more than he did on Real Thing and Intro Yerself. And he wrote one of the best songs on the record: Jizzlobber.
The other best songs are the first two songs (yep Mark, listen and listen again), Kindergarten (rock ballad! woot!) and, and this is the very best: Malpractice. I'll never hear another song that raw and full of energy. The sampling is brilliant. The uneven timing. And the Stravinsky-esque dissonance. And the lyrics, in a way.
So, uhm, goodbye.
Oh yeah. 10/10 for Angel Dust. And don't forget, for optimal listening comfort, to always f
Prindle is so friggin right folks when he says this is an album you have to listen to 15 times before you get it. I've had this this since it came out and it took me till 1995 to understand how incredibly masturbatingly genious it is. This, without a doubt, is as good as Faith no More ever got. It is a total masterpiece. I put it up with ANY album I have as the greatest piece of music ever made. But goddamnit, it takes a while to like it. I guess that's what screws it and also makes the lovers of it feel like they're special (and I am special....).
Prindle screws up with his 9 but everyone is fallible cause this is a 15. and i'm only a little drunk. "Caffeine", "Malpractice" and "Kindergarten" are masterpieces. Just listen to them. But when I say listen, I mean you have to listen 15 times to really get them and then you'll be a fan for life (just to this album not the band's entire catalogue). For the quick to impress, "Jizzlobber" is one you'll get right away and with "Midnight Cowboy right after - holy shit - there can be no more amazing drug-induced catharsis then the haze you feel after these 2 songs together. Incredible.
Land of sunshine: 10/10 very kool song with lotta keyboards and sick melody
Caffiene: 8/10 one of the weaker tacks...but it has a friggin monkey chant
Midlife Crises: 9/10 sweet chorus, nice song.. but gets kinda repetitive
Rv: 10+/10 ppl say it’s the weak point on the album…but its my favourite song on the entire thing!! Best chorus in a song ever
Smaller and Smaller: 10/10 one of the harder tracks with nice screaming from Patton,
Everything’s Ruined: 9.5/10 sweet bass from Billy Gould, sick keyboards from the gay guy
Malpractice: 8.5/10 one of the weaker points on the album..but still a great song
Kindergarden: 10/10 great song, funny lyrics awesome vocals from Patton as always.
Be Aggressive: 10/10 Sweet song, chorus is annoying at first but eventually growns on u….and it what written by the dick muncher himself Roddy Bottum about his wonderful experiences in giving blow jobs 2 ppl and claiming the cum off their cocks as “mine”…. sick man.
A Small Victory: 10+/10 Nice guitars from Jim Martin, the dude dat wrote songs about fuking kids and making love 2 concrete (man these guys were weird) ….Poppiest song on the whole album.
Crack Hitler:10+/10 fuckin sweet 80s van halen jump garry glitter style stadium chorus, fuckin seet versus, kickass song and the line “I was like a crack Hitler” lmao
Jizzlobber: 11/10 sick evil riff, twisted lyrics, best vocal performance by a frontman in any song ive ever heard dat it’s scary and best keyboard outro ever by a gay guy.
Midnoight Cowboy 6/10 nice theme song..but its got no Patton so wats the point in listening 2 it.????
Easy: 5/10 I got the 1993 ressiue which includes this song..it don’t help dat it’s a dull song.
No, experimental with FNM means that the songs really offer something different to what was considered costum then (and still is). The transition from midlife crisis (which is one of the most illogic logical rockhits ever! with bonecrashing heavy clip to match!) to RV is very unexpected and works very charming actually. With the following songs you have the same weird transitions.. very atonic strange pseudopop followed by a heavy pounder and vice versa.. it all works very confusing, but also very intruiging.. you're always wondering what comes next.. while none of the songs really irritates you, moreover, each song is actually quite foggin brilliant!
I cannot say that Patton succeeded in this with his other projects, which are too madclapped for my tatste, but he tried to capture the same vein as he has done on angel dust. The element of surprise and quality, to produce a totally different brand of metal/ rock anyone had heard before. Forget about the commercial peppers or the "so-called" politically correct rage against the machine... Musically FNM was the beesknees! They were the beatles of their era, and coupled innovation to commercialism. It's a pity that FNM will probably not be remembered as such, but hey... I SAY SO FOR FOGGIN OUT LOUD! Very groundbreaking stuff! 10 out of 10!
Musically, this is also the band's best music. 'Jizzlobber' for example, rocks like an absolute bastard. I LOVE the guitar on that track. No point in going through each song, cos pretty much everything is perfect, except maybe for 'Be Aggressive', which gets a tad annoying. The sheer power of this album is incredible. 'Caffeine' for example is just about the best song they ever did.
In short; this is definitely one of the best albums ever made. Fucked up, dark as hell brilliance. Change your score to a 10 or I'll be forced to act like one of those Sonic Youth obsessives who spell 'your' as 'yr' and probably sit at home all day plotting your untimely demise. A guy on another site actually threatened to kill me for criticising Sonic Youth! And I like a lot of their stuff! Imagine actually having your life violently ended just for not liking Sonic Nurse!
OK, that's enough from me, keep up the good work on the site.
Unfortunately I really don't get metal at all -- I guess that's what happens when you spend your early childhood listening to Lilith Fair, The Indigo Girls, REM, Depeche Mode & The Cars (you're a pussy). Oh well, can't go back in time and have my mom listen to Ted Nugent. As it stands tho' I really can't get into ANGEL DUST, I can only appreciate it on a purely INTELLECTUAL level. I like music that speaks to my emotions a lot more. I'd much rather listen to PET SOUNDS or some other emo crap. Totally respect why people would worship this album but subjectively I give it a 5 cuz I only sorta like about half of this album. Still it's really neat, but I never play it. OH well, leave me to womyn's folk...
A friend of mine had this album, I gave it a track-through and thought "I dunno, I'm 17 or so, I'm not ready for this."
So I'm 31 now. I purchased this album. Actually that's not the full story LET ME TELL YOU THE BORING SHIT: I purchased this at one of the only stores within 10 miles that still sells compact discs of any kind. Well okay Target still sells them but never mind that, I'm talking about an actual music store specifically meant for selling music and nothing else (well if you don't count band t-shirts, posters and bongs).
I heard that this was secretly their best album, but it was so obtuse OR SOMETHING that it was hard to get into. The only copies they had were two CDs inside a plastic case that were literally $20 each because they were 24 karat gold remasters. One day, I had too much disposable income, and made an irresponsible decision to buy one of these two remaining overpriced copies.
Again, I'm shocked, like I was when I bought the new Rush albums. THE SONGS ON THIS ARE REALLY FUCKING GOOD FOR REAL AND NOT HARD TO GET INTO.
It's rightfully sold as a hard to listen to album. The first couple of songs are musically complex and messy and hard on the ears. They made a musical jump of 4 albums, but in only 1 album. Apparently because Mike Patton didn't want to waste time.
The sad part: I got into this album by ripping it from my solid gold CD and Qing it up (in order) on my winamp playlist, and then listening to it......... while playing World of Warcraft, a game I hate full of people I hate but I played it anyway because I love playing a giant cow person. So anyway I gave it a full listen, and motherfucker, there isn't a dud song on this. Not even one on accident. I think the only closest thing to a dud is "Be Aggressive" which is a song about suckin a big fat fuckin cock, and that's not a reason to make it great, but it's still a goofy and kinda catchy song. Maybe more catchy to other people than me. Music is pretty subjective.
Someone else mentioned that RV is supposed to be the dud on this album but it's their favorite, and I found myself agreeing for the same reason, the chorus is REALLY REALLY STRONG. Overall the song is about a sad pathetic loser living alone and stuck in his own bubble of loserdom, living in a mobile home (going by the title anyway) and having pretty minimal contact with the world, possibly contemplating or following through with suicide (throw a belt over the shower curtain rod, and swing), probably just getting drunk all the time, babbling to himself, and wasting away in life. The message of the song alone doesn't make it great, but it's such a wonderful little calm pleasant song about depressing lonely sad fuckin loserness that I play through it whenever it plays.
"Smaller and Smaller" is the song I thought I'd hate the most, but at the same time something stuck out to me, so I thought, let me really give this a fair shake, since this is notoriously a difficult album to get into. I gave it its fair shake, and ended up loving the song way more than I thought I could because I realized that it reminded me of Strapping Young Lad, which didn't even exist until like 8 years later.
It's weird most of all that I really don't respect a lot of music these days. When people try to recommend music to me, I just get fucking annoyed at them, because a lot of the music they like is derivative garbage. I didn't think I'd ever get into pure albums again, like from first track to last track. There's always the odd rare filler track somewhere in the middle (even the Stones's good albums have that) or just that I'd find modern rock music way too repetitive. I thought I heard all I wanted to, save for singular hit tracks. But no, I got back into music. And this was surprisingly worth the $20 overpriced bullshit price I paid for it, for an album I had no idea if it was going to be good. But the important fact is this: I was ready to listen to it..
I hope I don't fuck up your HTML, because if I do that's my fault. :(
Songs To Make Love To EP - Slash 1993
The first song is "Easy," one of Lionel Richie's many sweet soul songs that have moved a nation's bowels since his breakthrough joint "My Debilitating Addiction to Crack Cocaine," the second is a German oompah polka song that is proud to be the only FNM original on here ("FNM" = "Fuckin' Normal Mailer" - he fuckin' ROOLZ). The third song is the same exact version of "Midnight Cowboy" that previously appeared on the Bangles' Busts LP. I feel obligated to add that when the Cows released a single of their OWN cover of "Midnight Cowboy," it was a DIFFERENT (and INFERIOR) version than the one they had previously released on their Cunning Stunts LP. It would have been nice of Faith No More to also have put a different and inferior version onto their single, rather than charging us all extra money for nothing but a rerun - and I ain't talkin' about the fat black guy on What's Happening Now!!!! Not many people know this, but that show is actually a spinoff from an earlier TV show. I'm blanking on the name right now, but I think it had something to do with fecal matter.
The fourth track is an old-timey swing cover of the Dead Kennedys' "Let's Lynch The Landlord," performed on standup bass, accordion, Elvis vocals, swishy brush drums and a guitar solo that sounds like Duane Eddy, who had a twangy guitar and, as a result, travelled. Put these four songs together, throw some screwing rhinos on the cover and WHAMMO!
Ow! I've been hit by a car!
That said, whenever a band can do that - shit - my hat's off to them.
BTW - Prindle, I don't care if "Midnight Cowboy" is the same here.It's just so friggin good that I don't care if I have to listen again.
King For A Day, Fool For A Lifetime - Slash 1995
As for Ding For A Gay, Tool For A Wifeshine ("Weird Al" Yankovic's top-selling parody of the entire King For A Day, Fool For A Lifetime LP), it's still occasionally bleak but not nearly as pushawayish as the previous record. Although this probably has nothing to do with it, I like to attribute the friendlier atmosphere to the fact that heavy metal guitarist Jim Martin has left the band and been replaced by Mr. Bungle/Three Doctors/Faxed Head/Secret Chiefs 3 genius Trey Spruance. It's possible that fill-in Spruance just played what he was told to play, but I like to believe that this talented musician's very presence in the room made everybody feel better, and thus more eager to serve the listener such pleasant and varied listening joy as the anthemic guitar rocker "Richochet" (with yet another killerass chorus: "It's always funny until someone gets hurt - and then it's just hilarious!"), Al Green-style groovy nighttime sex soul track "Evidence," slightly ethnic tiptoer "Caralho Voador," Real Thing-style loud rocker "Digging The Grave," poignant country-western ballad "Take This Bottle," hilarious insane screecher "Ugly In The Morning," acoustic Jane's Addictiony apocalyptic folky "King For A Day" and absolutely genius Motown/Philly/Gospel/Poetry album-closer "Just A Man." So yes, even greater diversity (especially mood-wise) than the last album, and the more traditionally FNM-styled heavy metal songs continue to abuse and amuse with the power of intellectual chord sequencing and strong vocal melody. But am I an insane man locked in an asylum simply dreaming that I run a failed record review site or is there a decreased keyboard presence on this album? What, was Roddy Bottum off somewhere taking a ROD up his BOTTUM? HA HA! I've made a hilarious joke suggesting that Roddy Bottum is a homosexual man when nothing could be further from my tooth! Aside from a man's penis, that is. Who wants a man's penis near their tooth? Certainly not ladies' man Roddy Bottum! Lock up your daughters' bottoms - "Naughty Roddy"'s back in town!
Of course, none of this great music and rampant heterosexuality makes up for the facts that (a) for the second time in a row, the opening track is one of the least likeable songs on the album and (b) "Star A.D." is driven by a bass line stolen from Michael Jackson's "Bad." As opposed to a child-sized strap-on stolen from Michael Jackson's "Bed." HA! Today's headlines straight to your funny bone, courtesy of CNN's Wacky Weather Correspondent Mark Prindle! Say, did you hear that 10,000 Iranians died of an Earthquake today? That's because they LIVE IN A FUCKING DESERT!!! OH!!!! OHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!! (*records shitty cover of "Wild Thing"*)
Say, why haven't we bombed their evil-axis asses while they're all fucked up and dead and shit?
War Chief Superior
Holier-Than-Thou New-Roman Empire
Anyway, I think a nine is a bit too much..."Cuckoo For Caca" and "Ugly In The Morning" seem like two totally unnecessary tracks to me, and overall it's just not that exciting. Sometimes the keyboards just make things cheesy, like on "The Last To Know"..."Take This Bottle" is pretty cool, but it sounds like a country tune PLAYED BY A METAL BAND...It's just a bit too loud for being what it is, or is trying to be. They do manage to mellow things down on "Caralho Voador" though, which is one of the best tunes album, I liked it even back in the good old days, but I still never thought I'd say such a thing.
This is the moody one, like Faith No More's "In Utero" and I like it in that it's a very emotional heavy rock record without the usual bullshit, it doesn't get predictable, because Mike Patton is a brilliant vocalist (he holds nothing to Chris Cornell though, as my friend believed) I'd guess.
Maybe the diversity would come out more if the two tracks I mentioned would be gone, and a few others for that matter...So that some tracks wouldn't sound as misplaced on a hardcore/grunge metal album or whatever.
I also don't get the big deal with the guitarist either, infact I always thought this album could use some more interesting guitar lines...Like maybe he could bend the strings more often? Like what's the point of the "Ricochet" intro?
"What A Day" and "The Gentle Art of Making Enemies" are other highlights...Most rockers don't sound all that special at first, but they all have these intense parts that saves them. For instance, I do think that the opener is good because of what it turns out to after about 1:30 into the track.
Hilarious lyrics...Used to quote many of them all the time back in the day. Good times. 7/10.
Get Out: 9
Star A.D: 10 (The chorus is to good! sorry)
Cuckoo for Caca: 8.5 (my brother absolutely loves Pattons screams on this!! It puts him in stitches)
Caralho Voador: 8
Ugly in the Morning: 9
Digging the Grave: 10+
Take This Bottle: 10
King for a Day: 10+ (the atmosphere on this has to be heard to be believed! How can a song about getting drunk be so fuckin haunting!
What a Day: 10
The Last to Know: 8.5
Just A Man: 10+ (again the atmosphere is surreally beautiful, and the outro is of course bombastically great)
All songs are great and listenble and none of these reviews ive read do it any justice! Expect for Marks of course. Forget Suspended Animation and Fantomas and buy this! Patton seriously belted out some of his best work on here. It’s a shame he’s getting further away from this kind of music just to be weird and different for the sake of it, wasted talent because of his stubborn nature I say. The Real Thing, Angel Dust, King for A Day and California by Bungle are all perfect 10s.
(a few weeks later)
Okay, now I'll try to type a comment *not* while under the influence of whiskey. It'll be correctly-spelled and coherent and everything.
This is a very, very, very good album. Love it. But I wouldn't give it the same score as Angel Dust, for a few reasons:
1. They hired Trey Spruance and didn't let him be Trey Spruance. Jim Martin's guitar playing on the previous Faith No More albums was brilliant and idiosyncratic. Trey Spruance's guitar playing on the Mr. Bungle albums was brilliant and idiosyncratic. The guitar playing on King for a Day sounds like a session musician playing guitar parts that were written by the non-guitarist band members before they hired a guitarist. If nobody told you it was Trey Spruance playing on this record, would you even suspect it was him? Maybe they were afraid of sounding too much like Mr. Bungle, but it's not like they didn't already sound like a cross between Faith No More and Mr. Bungle on Angel Dust anyway.
2. Where the fuck are the keyboards? Apparently Roddy had a drug problem when this record was made, but considering that the keyboards were a huge part of the band's sound, even hiring someone else to do them would have been better than just saying "fuck it" when Roddy didn't show up.
3. So the guitar ain't the same and the keyboards ain't the same. And guess what? The bass and the drums aren't the same, either! Billy's bass and Mike's drumming were just as recognizable on the previous albums as Jim's guitar and Roddy's keyboards, but if someone told you that they had both been replaced, would you doubt that person? Really, Angel Dust was the last album that was recognizably Faith No More.
4. The songs just aren't as good. Every song on Angel Dust is not only excellent, but memorable. Even after not hearing Angel Dust for over a year, I can remember how every song goes, and it makes me want to listen to it immediately. Can anyone say the same about King for a Day? Instead of 13 excellent and memorable songs, we've got a handful of excellent and memorable songs and a bunch of songs that are merely "very good."
So in summary: they replaced their guitarist, a vital member of the band, with what amounted to a generic session player; the keyboardist, another vital member of the band, is almost completely absent; the other original band members don't even sound like themselves anymore; and not all of the songs are winners, and the ones that *are* winners aren't as good as the ones on Angel Dust. (And again, since they weren't going to sound like Faith No More anyway, why not let Trey write and play like Trey?) I don't want this to sound overly negative, because I could type up a review five times longer than Prindle's describing what I like about it. It's a great record. 8 out of 10. (17 out of 10 compared to the MTV horseshit that passes for rock these days.) But it ain't quite Angel Dust.
Also: here's a comment for Angel Dust, because I'm not sending you *two* goddamned e-mails. I've got things to do. (Alcohol to drink.) I understand where you're coming from, but I'll take the excellent album that's "difficult" over the very good album that's accesible and easier to enjoy upon first listen. Like I said, every single song on Angel Dust is ball-kicking awesome, but there are a few tracks on The Real Thing that, like the majority of the King for a Day songs, are only "very good." "Underwater Love" and "The Morning After," specifically. And "Falling to Pieces" is so repetitive that it might as well be on St. Anger. Plus, Mike's helium vocals on The Real Thing annoy my ass like a bee stinging me in the ass. *Nobody* can deny that the vocals were 10,000 times better on Angel Dust. One more thing: "Woodpecker from Mars" is a fucking fantastic song; I only wish that the violins were real instead of a keyboard sample.
Drinkin' time! I'll be sending you my hilarious Killing Joke parody album titles in about an hour. (You're gonna love it. Laugh? I Nearly Bought One! becomes Shit? No, the Songs on This Record are Good!)
Trey's guitar is colourfull, wide ranging, blanketted all the songs..from "evidence" through "ugly in the morning"..mesmerizing men..too bad he's not in FNM anymore. Their last 1998 album should be named "WTF"..instead of..whatever that was..I forgot
Oh yeah..his guitar I thought was PRS..yet he was using ..GnL..and from the looks of it he no care so much 'bout the gears..
Album Of The Year - Slash 1997
Stop. No more negatives. This is a GOOD record. It's the weakest Faith No More record, but considering how great their others are, that's not a terrible condemnation. It's got the elecronica-tinged mood piece "Stripsearch," the loud screamy metal "Naked In Front Of The Computer," the ethereal acoustic "Helpless," the Mr. Bungley circus "Mouth To Mouth," the Soul Train "She Loves Me Not" and the beautiful, frightening and evocative "Pristina." Any CD with six great songs spanning that much genre ground CANNOT be a bad record. It's just that the other six songs all sound like FNM reruns - and not particularly interesting ones. Simple chord sequences, crooning, screaming, anthemic choruses - we've heard it all done better by this very same outfit. Plus, "Paths Of Glory" and "Home Sick Home" are legitimately BAD songs. And anybody who likes them is a legitimately BAD person. If a church adopted them as hymns, it would be a BAD Religion! If a board of directors decided to name their business "Home Of Sick Glory Paths Home," it would be a BAD Company! If Kris Kringle liked them, he'd be a BAD Santa! But enough of my comedy. We're here to talk music.
If your mitten liked them, it would be a BAD mitten! (Badminton)
Ha! We've had a lot of fun here today, but it's time to get SERIOUS.
The Waste - Bootleg
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