Andrew Dice Clay

I fucked him
*special introductory paragraph!
*Andrew Dice Clay
*The Day The Laughter Died
*Dice Rules
*40 Too Long
*The Day The Laughter Died Part II
*Face Down, Ass Up

Andrew Dice Clay started as a" dirty" comedian like Richard Pryor, but very soon discovered that, once he ran out of jokes, he could still get lots of personal enjoyment out of picking on members of the audience. He actually developed it into an art form - he made people so uncomfortable that they actually got up and left his shows. And he was PROUD of it! Because it was something brand new - and something he was GOOD at! And thus, the former "dirty comedian like Richard Pryor" quickly metamorphosed into one of the most verbally abusive and confrontational performance artists that the entertainment beeswax has ever known. And nobody got it. They just wanted to hear dirty nursery rhymes. So he fell for it. He played up to them with dirty jokes and stupid, stupid songs. But he couldn't give up his audience abuse! He loved it too much! So the more he injected these bits of people baiting into his act, the less likely people were to want to go to his shows. Eventually, they just got sick of him. So he tried to clean up his act and become a respectable sitcom star. His sitcom floundered. He even had to resort to selling CDs through his web site. As of 2001, he has a new record label and has returned to the original "dirty comedy" that made him a star to begin with. It's not revolutionary and, quite frankly, not very funny.

Andrew Dice Clay - Def American 1989.
Rating = 8

Although it was his dirty nursery rhymes that made him a household name (ex: Hickory dickory dock/some chick was sucking my cock/the clock struck two/i dropped my goo/and dumped the bitch off at the next block"), his other material was funnier. At this point in his career, he wasn't a hilarious bully yet - he was just the ultimate parody of the Brooklyn tough guy jackass. Using violent sexual imagery, joking about beating up stupid women, making fun of queers, japs and fat people, he was clearly an over-the-top joke to begin with. But even so, it was his delivery that really made the shit so fuckin' funny. His "macho sexist tough guy" character is an IDIOT. He refers to women's contraceptives as "I.O.U.s," makes a joke about a woman getting pregnant from doggy style sex whose punch line is "does the baby come out backwards?" and

Actually, come to remember - his jokes were funny too, if you can deal with stupid offensive humor -- like complaining about how bad Japanese people drive -- "How do you drive when your eyes are 3/4s of the way shut? You can blindfold these people with dental floss! You don't give 'em the keys to a car -- YOU KICK 'EM IN THE ASS AND SAY 'GET THE FUCK OUT OF THE COUNTRY'!!!!!!' But let me reiterate -- at this point, the Dice persona doesn't come across as angry (like he would later). He just sounds like a neighborhood oaf crackin' filthy jokes on the corner. But FUNNY! Funny as a pituitary gland filled with shit!

Or a pile of shit filled with little bits of some guy's pituitary gland!!!!

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* The Day The Laughter Died - Def American 1990. *
Rating = 10

Well, either a 10 or a 0, depending on whether you think it's brilliant or asinine to go on stage with no act and just cuss at people for two hours. 'Cuz that's what he does here. He goes on stage with no jokes in mind, sounding bored, tired and pissed off at EVERYBODY, and just proceeds to harrass everybody for 2 full CDs worth of time. My lord, is it funny. Or maybe it's just so unsettling that it's impossible not to laugh out of sheer insecurity. Either way, this isn't a CD that most people would want to listen to terribly often, seeing as how for most of us, it just brings up awful memories of getting made picked on by some huge asspipe in middle school.

Still, you gotta admit that this was one hell of an act. He got a full club audience into Dangerfield's in NYC expecting a comedy show and somehow KEPT the diehard few laughing even as others called him a jerk and stormed out of the club so he could make fun of them even more behind their backs. Because he just didn't give a fuck. I'm not sure exactly what drove Mr. Clay to perform this act and release it as an album, but MAN is it something else. What exactly does he do? Makes horrendously misogynist comments all night, calls everybody a cocksucker, keeps accusing a man of fucking his two daughters (both in attendance), tries his best to break up every relationship in the room by working to convince the men to fuck their wives' best friends, describes ass eating in detail (with sound effects) and tells NO FUNNY JOKES AT ALL. In fact, I'd be hard pressed to say that there are any jokes on here in the first place. If there are, they're pathetic. It's his increasingly angry-sounding audience baiting that's hilarious. Clever? Maybe not in delivery, but certainly in concept, yes. Is this comedy? Probably not. But Dice knew that, even going so far as to address it in his act, shortly before performing a 6-minute PARODY of a joke called "Hour, Back, Get It?". You gotta hear that one. Lordy lordy, bless my swordy, that's a keeper.

At this point in his career, Dice was at the height of his smarts and cynicism, seemingly not giving a shit if he ever worked again. Yay for spleen!

Reader Comments (John Cable)
Have to agree with you here. I downloaded almost the entire album (I DELETED IT AFTER 24 HOURS OF COURSE), and it's just bizarre. At the peak of his career, he releases the worst album he can on purpose. It's sort of like trying to be so offensive that you try to offend everyone who likes you, ala Anal Cunt releasing "Picnic of Love," an entire album of wussy love ballads, after everyone was so used to them doing 40 tracks of screaming about kicking pregnant women in the stomach. Andrew doing it after being a household name, though, that's balls.

The people walking out is hilarious. I'm glad they got that on album, as a testament to some people just being so offended that they leave. I always ALWAYS laugh when it happens. Plus him on the second CD talking about making his wife tell him about all the shit she ever did with other guys. I loved it.

(a few months later)

My previous comment of this album is so dated now, I am filled with SHAME!!!!!!!!

I got kind of confused on the mp3s I had when I wrote it, and I thought that "The Day the Laughter Died part 2" was just the second disc of the first album. Turns out it was the inferior remake. I liked it, but not a wh ole lot and didn't really understand the 10 for the first album.

Then I went back and tried to redownload the REAL first Day the Laughter Died. It was something like "The Day the Laughter Died - cassette 1 - side 1" and then "side 2." Cassette? Oh well, I know that both sides are th e real first album now.

After listening to the whole thing several times, I now completely understand your review, your score, and the ACTUAL second album. This isn't so much as a stand up act as it is just an act. There ARE jokes, but it's not an album of jokes. It's more of a concept album, but without being self-indulgent (as opposed to his movie--ugh), or obvious. However, even with the fact that there's not SUPPOSED to be comedy here, the whole thing is mysteriously hilarious. You could tell no one was ever expecting it coming, no matter how much they knew about him. The way he talks about people's sweaters, you'd think no one would've ever thought that a stand up comedian would pick on someone's dumb clothes before. Dice is here to make it unsafe to be a dork at HIS show.

That's part of the whole "performance art" of this album, which is really what this is. An ultimately offensive, low-key, "bad" show that still secretly means to be funny. And it IS funny. Two opposites put together, yet work. After all, who else out there would INTENTIONALLY do a bad show? It may not be a funny CONCEPT, but it's extremely daring, and in the end is even extremely hilarious--yet as an afterthough, you wouldn't know why or how, judging by the idea of the album.

At least I can say this about the first disc. I'm still pretty sure I don't have the WHOLE album, actually, since if I only have "cassette side 1 and 2," that means I don't have cassette 2 with side 3 and 4. I guess I'll just have to buy it.

From the opening, a lot of it seems quietly seething. Mostly he talks softly about his girlfriend wanting to see the stupid Christmas tree light up and how he doesn't care. And still, it's extremely funny.

I think the old-sounding couple STORMING out angrily on "side 2" is probably the most triumphant comedic moment in recorded history. That may sound like a big gooey overstatement, but this is a review and that's the sort of thing people expect. Still, it's a very proud moment and it makes the whole idea come together-- fuck the losers, let them leave. That's what this album means to me. That's why this is actually, somehow IMPORTANT. Who would've thought, especially from this guy? Well, it IS an act.

I'm still kind of struggling with describing this album. It's so non- comedy, but so hilarious. The whole thing is an act of an act, like an episode in the life of the fictional character known as "Andrew Dice Clay." Except without cliched trappings usually put in those fictional stories about actors or whatever--like that one Chris Gaines "Behind the Life" bullshit that Garth Brooks thought would be really clever to do. I still don't get that.

This I understand, but putting the meaning down in words is tough (hence the long winded rambling). It's like a different evolution in stand up comedy--the intentionally bad show, that is still somehow hilarious, played out by a character of a comedian. I don't care what anyone says about Kinison, he never could've done this. If he did an intentionally bad show, it would probably be when he's out of his mind drunk until he can't even speak English anymore. Then a half hour of him snoring on stage. I love Kinison, but the experimenting that Dice did was beyond his time.

Even though this album IS funny, it's not the kind of funny where there's a great punchline you do or don't see coming. It's the kind of funny that's created by making an atmosphere in the show. Mostly it's low-key, but there's some loud moments, high-tension moments, and hilarious crowd-watching moments (Dice spots a woman on her knees somewhere by the bar, and starts yelling "SHE'S BLOWING SOMEONE OVER THERE!!!!!!" causing the crowd to react as you can imagine most crazy macho Dice fans would). That's a great moment you can use to reflect on the whole album with. It's not the jokes, it's the moments. That's what makes this album what it is.

Now to write up something for the sequel.
Definatly a 10. Hilarious release! It was a really funny idea for him to do this, whether he was serious or just fuckin' around. It is absolutely funny to see people getting pissed off! And i dont know if im just weird or something, but some of these so called "jokes" still make me laugh a lot. Maybe its just his smart-ass, NYC accent delivery but its stupid to the point of hilarity. (Nick King)
The single-handly greatest comedy album of all time. I recently went to the comedy store on sunday night for pot luck comedy (open mic). After nine o'clock they have celebrity pop-ins, well needless to say it was dice, doing an hour and a half of what is still great comedy. He didn't berate the crowd to much, but was still funny and a dream of mine to see him live (and not having to pay a dime to see cover). I have every single album inculding filfth, and he did all new materal (except when talking to one women in the crowd about what see does for a living, replying "I'm a nurse".....then went on with the joke how he dated a nurse and she says "i always wanted to be a doctor" which he replys "did you go to school for it" "no" ........"then you'll always be a nurse" "you dummy, you dumb fucking dummy"). Clearly from the day the the laughter died, but still great to hear. The album is genius, just like the man. I had a pleasure talking to him after his set, and he was very nice and warm, asking me "what parts i thought were good" of course i said all of them, but a bit about midgets he did had me rolling. All in all this is a cornerstone in comedy and should be reviewed by all comedians out there.
To me,its clear that all the self-made hype has caught up to Dice..Sure,the ass-eating commentary is funny...........By the way,Lenny Bruce originated this form of "non-comedy" a long time before,by reading legal documents on stage (Brian Hyndman)
I am writing from the perspective of someone who has -- in a manner of speaking -- walked out of an Andrew Dice Clay performance. About twelve years ago, my then-roomate came home with a videocassette of one of his live perfomances. I sat through the sexist, misogynist - porno jokes, which I half-expected, being vaguely familiar with his material. I left the room at the point when his comedic banter took a racist turn (something along the lines of "what's with these URINE-coloured people?! I can't hang with a guy named Achnad" -- or something like that).

Having read the previous postings, a fact that should have been obvious at the time has now dawned on me. The 'Dice-Man' built his career, such as it was, on being a parody of the racist, misogynist Brooklyn thug he purported to be. Trouble is, I'm not sure that most of his fan base (i.e., those who's lifestyles approximated his material) ever got the 'joke'.
The day the laughter died is a true work of art, just because you like thoughtout nonoffending dosent mean other people cant apriciate Dices schock humor. Come on the Christmass song that was a riot? Or the lady telling him hes as funny as a bottle of milk? These types of people need to be made fun of and noone dose it quite like Andrew. (Andrew Hamm)
It's a great tragedy that so many people take Dice at face value and become horrified and repulsed. Dice is a fantastic black parody of a Brooklyn Bad Boy - a creature that has unpleasant equivalents all over the world.

Dice is brilliant for exactly the same reasons that The Sopranos is brilliant. We don't like The Sopranos because they are people to admire. We like them because they are so watchable as tragi-comic human failures. Perhaps the Soprano's characters have their human moments which make them occasionally likeable and worthy of some sympathy (a facet not available from Dice) but let's face facts - the Soprano's characters are horrific and so is the Dice character. The characters are based on outstanding observation of equally flawed people from real life.

[speaking of the Sopranos, I think Dice would slot straight into this show, without needing to play comedy. Little Stevie made the transition in fine style, and Dice is tailor-made for this show too]

The Dice character is brash, arrogant, supremely self-confident, agressive, mysoginistic, racist, stupid, childish and obsessed with immature issues. Haven't we all met people with these characteristics? Andrew Clay PORTRAYS such a character in Andrew DICE Clay. Laugh along if you are not too uncomfortably threatened by your own weaknesses or experience.

Unlike some reviewers, I think this album is very listenable. I've listened to it probably hundreds of times; time after time when driving to and from work over the years. His timing is impeccable, the characterisation is hilarious being based on subtle and astute observation, and I would have to agree with Dice's own assessment on another album that he is "The World Heavyweight Comedy Champion". The act is very hard-hitting, pulls no punches, and goes where others are too frightened, too uncomfortable or too ashamed to go.

Just leave your political correctness at the door, and remember this is a parody of a character, not an actual person - at least, not the one uttering the lines on the album. Is it *you* perhaps?
look kinison was funnier, he had material, him talking about jesus was hilarious. dice just swore.. not too funny
dice clay is the funnest person iv ever heard when i heard the first thing on midgets of his when i was 12 i couldnt stop laughing im 14 now and i kno i shouldnt be listening to this guy but hes so funny hes as addictive as a joint i wouldnt kno becasue i dont smoke but i hope this guy never stops hes the best thing that iv ever heard
Response to

Fuck Kinison and fuck Jesus...
The Dice Man was funnier than both of them.
just herd it for first time,thought it was great.ground breaking,it will be done more & more.bottom line , it was fucking funny
It was funnier than a bottle of milk. DICE; the only comedian to sell out Madison Square Garden. Say what you want about the guy but you cannot take that away from him. He's playing a character and was giving the people what they wanted at that time. Look at Chris Rock. He does the whole "white people are evil" bit, and it kills. No one calls him a racist. They do what they do to be successful. Controversy sells just like sex sells.

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Dice Rules - American 1991.
Rating = 8

So explain this one to me -- how does a guy release the ultimate anti-comedy album and still end up playing Madison Square Garden? Dunno. But I DO know that Clay was way too excited about the gig, allowing it to reduce him to crowd-pleasing dirty jokes (even a retread of his old nursery rhymes, something he steadfastly refused to do on the last album). Not that MSG really provided him an atmosphere intimate enough to make people feel really bad about themselves.... The second half of the album, recorded in a club, is much better. He's much more awake and less pissed-off sounding than on the masterpiece Day The Laughter Died, but he still gets in tons of great woman-hating jabs and hilarious bursts of obscenity (including a lengthy joke about an XXX movie that is essentially a bunch of racial stereotypes and repeated orgasmic cries of "Ya should get CANCER, ya piece of shit!"). Even when his jokes are weak, his delivery is spectacular. As the old adage goes, he doesn't say funny things, he says things funny. In a thick Brooklyn accent. About things like women trying to kiss you after performing fellatio ("Listen baby, if I wanted to taste it, I'd be a fuckin' faggot"), ways to get girls to leave you alone after you've fucked them already (take her to a fancy restaurant, stand up to pay the bill and let your balls hang out of your pants. Then just sit there saying, "Hey! My balls are hanging out! You see this? It's my balls! What are they doing there? They're hangin' all over the place!") and how to react when a girl gives you a blowjob and THEN invites you up to her apartment ("For what? You got a present for me? What, is your mother still awake? What's gonna happen?").

Seriously, this stuff's funny when he says it! It's the delivery, I'm telling you.

Reader Comments (John Cable)
Again, agreeing with you here. Especially "Debby Does Everything That Gets in Her Fucking Way." I cried with laughter. YOU SHOULD GET CANCER YOU PIECE OF SHIT

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40 Too Long - American 1992.
Rating = 8

The Diceman as women's lib advocate? Well, sorta. He must've been happy in his relationship or something because most of this album involves him bashing men for being selfish towards women in the bedroom, rather than bashing women for being fucking stupid dummy dunces (though he certainly does trash a few of 'em here and there, I'm sure). He's having a great time at it too, drilling in on any guy who heckles him, especially some drunk moron at the end who keeps requesting nursery rhymes. Dice responds by changing all his rhymes to involve FUCKING THAT GUY IN THE ASS, OHHHH!!!!

But Dice NICE to women? Actually.... YES! Hell, the mothertrucker even sings a love song at the end. A serious romantic love song. Again, he must have just fallen in love or something, because his act this time around, though still sleazy and filthy as ever, is, for the most part, NOT misogynistic (though it should be pointed out that, to all but the most diehard of idiotic fratboys, his woman-hating act was clearly an outrageous, exaggerated PARODY of misogyny and not the real thing)! He's still full of bitter barbs, but more towards guys. And why not? Guys are dicks!

Have you noticed that I'm not bothering to make any filthy jokes in these reviews? This is Andrew Dice Clay we're talking about - what would be the point?

Reader Comments (Tyler K.)

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The Day The Laughter Died Part II - Def American 1993.
Rating = 7

Clay in crisis. His career is going down the shitter and he knows it -- he even remarks about it during the act ("I don't care if Siskel and Ebrek try to wreck my career because I don't really have one right now!"). So instead of coming up with another batch of dirty jokes, he figures that the thing to do is try to repeat his crowning moment and present another album of ANTI-comedy. But the problem is that he's trying way too hard to offend, and it just isn't very funny. Yes, it's funny when he yells (especially when he complains about how much he hates his fuckin' poems right before starting an argument with a member of the audience that becomes so intense, the guy actually tries to start a fight with DICE!!! And Dice is fuckin' HUGE!!!!), but way too often, he relies on just making lewd sexual comments to women in the audience. And he sounds VERY uncomfortable and out of place, whereas on the first Laughter Died, he just sounded like he didn't give a shit.

A very low 7 is what I give it, and that's a lot more than most people would give it. Especially my fiancee, who wants to kill me right now for playing Andrew Dice Clay around the house all week. But I gots to review it! The kids are cryin' and dyin' for it!

I loved this CD the first time I heard it, but that was before I had heard his others and realized that he actually IS a funny guy most of the time. This was just a bad night for him, and he should have known not to release it as an album. When I was in college, I gave it a stellar review in my school paper and a year later, Andrew Dice Clay called me on the phone because he liked the review so much (it had been forwarded to him in a book by American Records' PR department). That was neat! He was very, very polite on the phone, but it was clear that he was in career crisis. He kept talking about how awful he was and how he's not funny at all, and when I asked him if he had another record or tour coming soon, he kind of relunctantly said no. It was odd. He said that I was the only reviewer that "got" what he was trying to do, which was to trick people into thinking he was a "racy comedian" while actually just being an onstage bully. More performance art than comedy. And I still think it was a great trick -- I just don't think that this particular recording was one of his best performances, until the last fifteen minutes or so, when he goes apeshit and starts screaming at everybody.

After this album bombed just like his two previous outings, Clay tried to become a sitcom star, but it didn't work out, probably because most sitcom writers are talentless pussies.

Reader Comments (John Cable)
The sequel really isn't much. Again with the attack on the audience, but there doesn't seem to be as much of the comedy there. It just seems like him making fun of some people in a small crowd. Of course this was after he became the scapegoat of the entire nation, and apparently broke down on Arsenio (I only saw that on the E True Hollywood Story thing). Seems pretty bleak, he's really depressed now. The album, from what I remember, wasn't too bad but was really just kind of dull, because it seems that ALL he did for about an hour was chatter with the audience.

You're right about the difference too, where he sounds tired as opposed to cynical.

That's all I remember about this album.
I like this one just as much for some reason. Some more stupid-pointless-to-the-point-of-hilarity jokes, and pisses off more people. It may be more inferior to the first one, but i still like it a lot. I couldnt stop laughing when he was on about "pussy farts". I cant help but laugh at some of these rudely lewd, sexist jokes on here. I give it a high high 8. (Scott Woods)

I just wanted to make a correction on a comment you made about Dice's sitcom "floundering". This is not true. It was actually pretty hilarious. What happened to his show was that he was too new in Hollywood, and he tried to throw his weight around with the producers, telling them how he wanted the show run. My point is, his mouth and attitude got his show cancelled, not the quality of the show itself.

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Filth - Self-released 1999
Rating = 7

I just got back from a big ol' vacation, so wish me luck! The wife and I took Henry The Dog to a cabin in Northern Vermont, the Snow Capital of the World (excepting others). But we're not here to talk about how funny it was when we were going for a ride in the car and Henry looked through the windshield, saw a kitty cat way up the street, and anxiously announced "Aroooooo!" about it; no, we're here to talk about how funny it was when Henry reacted to a barking angry territorial dog by happily trotting up its driveway like a dumbass.

Okay, I've spoken with my editors (David Fricke and the ghost of Timothy White's decaying corpse), and they insist that we're actually here to talk about the self-released 1999 double-CD Filth by Andrew Dice "Mark 'The Diceman' E. Smith" Cassius "Muhammed Ali" Clay. The first thing to note about this bucket of digital laughs is how funny it was when Henry refused to get into the car to come home from vacation. Sure, he'd run after the car every time we shouted 'Bye!' and drove down the driveway, but the minute we'd stop and open the door, he'd go running off to play in the snow some more like a fuzzy little asshole (ex. that of former adult film star Traci Lords). In the words of former Van Morrison vocalist "Diamond David" Lee Roth, "Those were good times.... Fuckin' good times."

Filth finds Dice straddling the line between his legendary early material and the modern 'lame dirty comic' approach of Face Down Ass Up. Disc one is definitely the weaker of the two, wasting too much time on gross-but-not-very-funny sex jokes comparable - and at times identical - to those found in abundance on Drop Your Ass And Lift Up Your Butt. Eleven minutes of dull obscene rhymes sung to corny lounge jazz, segments with titles like "My Cum" and "Bongo Pussy," and impressions of Sammy Davis Jr., Sylvester Stallone and John Travolta that all sound remarkably like Andrew Dice Clay are not on my list of Andrew Dice Clay 'must-hear's, nor is yet another serious love song (!? WHY!?!??), so a lot of this one is as eh pbbllll as a frapp blll. It certainly has some truly witty moments though, including Dice's knockout review of Little House On The Prairie (starring "Michael Douglas" -- or "Asshole Cancer"), an inexcusably graphic description of a woman performing fellatio in a Chevron bathroom, and a pair of angry rants about midgets and people with big heads (that he would later revisit on Face Butt). Best of all, even this disappointing disc runs rings round Faces Up Your Ass thanks to unforgettable lines such as:

"And she's goin' 'I'm cumming! I'm cumming! I'm cumming!' Like I CARE...."

"'Cuddle?!' You motherfucker, I bought you a steak!"

"Then anywhere you go, people are going, "Look at his nuts! What happened?"


(to audience member): "How long were you married to her before you... married her? (pause) What did I just say? I don't know. I don't wanna talk to you. I don't even fuckin' LIKE you!"

Disc two is wonderful, though. Any fan of KKKLASSIKKK Dice will have a fielday with this masterpiece of nonstop anger, ignorance, screaming, vengeance and hilarity as he goes off the deep end about Margot Kidder, Barbara Walters, a bird store owner, an whiny old man, Arabs, Asians, Monica Lewinsky, Linda Tripp and pretty much every person in the audience. This is where Dice has always excelled: his delivery of pure AGGRESSION and ANGER -- but in a funny way -- is unparalleled. It's silly to write out his one-liners in a review like this, because it's his delivery that makes them so funny. Still, it's the least I can do for a disc so unjustifiably rare:

(on oral sex) Her: "Did you like that?" Him: "How would I know? You're the one that drank it all!"

(on an anti-smoking commercial featuring an old woman with a hole in her neck) "'This is what smoking did to me.' Next time don't put the flame to your fuckin' neck, stupidass."

(on the OJ Simpson judge) "That fat fuckin' Chinaman Judge Eatmyasshole"

(warm exchange with a female audience member) Him: "What's your name, honey?" Her: "Becky." Him: "NICE TITS!"

(on the Clinton impeachment proceedings) "Impeach him? They should give him a RAISE for fuckin' all these ugly girls!"

(on Linda Tripp's unattractiveness) "Linda Tripp didn't have a Sweet Sixteen because her parents thought she was a guy."

(on the audio cutting out during a vitriolic rant): "Even the microphone doesn't wanna hear this shit!"

(on an expensive exotic bird that he throttled and threw on the floor of a pet store): "Bird just sat there. Like a TARD."

(to his children, in response to an old man telling him to stop drinking a Slurpee by the pool): "Come on, kids - go piss in the pool! Fuckin' take a shit for all I care! JERK OFF in the pool! I don't care if you're 3!"

(on how he doesn't just tell jokes to his crowds - he metaphorically "FUCKS" them): "I even make the... THINGS cum! The speakers!"

(on Tom Hanks' overlong Oscar speech) "Hey Tommy? You're just an actor. Let it go."

(on Margot Kidder) "This fuckin' DIMWIT!"

(on Barbara Walters) "She's a stuttering NITWIT!"


(on himself) "I'd like to see Barbara Walters try to find the REAL ME. If there IS one. I DARE her. Because if I'm really not this guy, shouldn't I get an Academy Award? But what if I really AM him!? In that case, I should be in an asylum!"

Disc one - low 6. Disc two - high 8. Try to find a copy somewhere, maybe on the Intronet? Just skip past excrement like "Wackbag House Remix" and all is well. What other performer would get ANGRY at a crowd member who tries to offer him a lighter? Or end his act by verbally tearing to pieces a man who innocently (but stupidly) said hello before the show with a pleasant "Hey Dice! Do you remember me? We met in 1983." Or sum up his own act with a clearly disgusted "This isn't an act. You don't write THIS."

This is smart humor. Seriously. People who put Dice down -- I have to assume they've only heard his stupid sex rhymes and shit, because his aggressive, ignorant persona is jaw-droppingly brave, confrontational, postmodern, brilliant and fun-FUN-FUNNY!.

Having said that, somebody needs to go through these discs and delete every appearance of the following failed catchphrases:

"I'm ovah HERE now!"
"Dank yo! Dank yo!"
"Good fa you, good fa me, good fa everybody!"
"It's a touchy situation!"

Reader Comments
Another review that's right on the mark. Disc one IS a better version of "ASSFACE" and Disc 2 comes across like "The Day the Laughter Died Part 3"-classic and hilarious. Just curious why you didn't include a review of Disc 3? It's not really a full act, but more like a "best of" of previously unreleased bits. It's up there with disc 2 (maybe better), but it's fragmented. In some areas Dice includes one sentence jokes that seem out of place, given the fact that they're extracted from a larger bit.

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Face Down, Ass Up - The Right Stuff 2000.
Rating = 4

He's back! He's the man behind the mask - and he's out of control! Having witnessed his career float down the sewer of failure with the oars of pissing people off, Mr. Dandruff Lice Clay returned to the stage 52 years later as a "wacky goodtime dirty jokester" along the lines of Blowfly or Dolemite. He only picks on one guy and not even very hard. And his jokes? Atritty-trocious! The parts when he acts like a dumb oaf bring a smile to my race ("ever since we entered 2000, you know this umm... this KY2 thing?," "I saw this chick with huge tits in the frozen foods section... I couldn't help myself! I rammed a Fudgsicle up her ass and ran away!," "Like you.. when you're ahh... fallatatin' him, you do it with love, right?"), but the incessant goodtime pussy talk wears really, really, REALLY thin. Especially in conjunction with his new goodtime niceguy Bronx funster character, who sounds a wee bit too much like Michael Rappaport with his endless repetitions of "Aw nah nah nah!," "I'm ovah HERE now!," and "I'll tell ya dat RIGHT now!" Somebody, please bring back the halcyon days of "Dat... dat's what I tink!"

So I for one find it disappointing. Especially the dreadful "dirty songs" at the end, which feature a bunch of bawdy tongue twisters that are as lame as Christopher Reeve (a joke that I admit isn't funny at all, but it's worth pointing out that this new nice guy Clay would NEVER make a joke like it, which he certainly would have in the early '90s, the fuck).

Still, as embarrassing as this outing is, the "Banana Girl" bit at the beginning will probably give you a massive hardon coronary cock sack, which you can then relieve by putting it on "repeat" and rubbing your skin pimple until dick mayonnaise shoots out all over your mother's twatbox hole and your father licks your ass and your sister sucks your ballpipe and your daaja

See how boring this is? Leave it to Beaver to end up sounding boring no thanks to the tired influence of Mr. Clay, age 43.

NO, not Henry Clay! Get that dog out of my tomatoes!

Reader Comments
You should put on your page that Dice ripped off (the much funnier) Sam Kinison.
Dice ripped off Kinison? They are equally as funny! YOU ARE AN IDIOT !!!! (Screenwriter)
Dice and Kinison were best friends... until Dice's career took off and he started playing arenas. Then Sam began to badmouth him. And still when Kinison got killed in that car accident, Dice and his road pals stopped the tour bus and had a moment of silence. Dice was very upset over Sam's death. As far as humor. Dice's a lot funnier than Kinison and I'll tell you why. Kinison need to scream his head off to be funny. Did you ever hear him talk in a normal voice? Dice can make you laugh your ass off just by talking. Then he starts to pick on you and gets louder. But when Dice starts screaming, I swear, you're gonna die... laughing. I did when I heard The Day the Laughter Died.
DICE IS THE FUCKIN MAN!!!!!!!! FUCK THAT DEAD FAT FUCK KINISON !!!!!!!!!! (Danny Archambault)
Yeah.....he's a load that should have been swallowed......Face Down Ass Up.....blows dog......

Dice.....get some new shit and sound a little more intelligent when you fuck you!!!!!! (Kurt Skinner)
True Dice isnt as funny as he used 2 b but give the guy a break he dont like doing the old shit all the time. Dice is still the king of comedy regardless of how hard his current projects blow dog. DICE U R THE MAN JUST RETIRE AND LET THE PEOPLE BASK IN YOUR FORMER GLORY. Dat.....Dats what i think!!
I think I almost Died laughing at all his CDs, and anyone who doesn't think he's the king of comedy can go eat shit pie, and wash it down with a chocolate shit shake!!
The album title reflects Dice's movie career. I wonder if I'm the only person who noticed this metaphor. Looking at all the piece of shit straight to video B-movies he's done since 1994. Like Whatever It Takes and Point Doom. Either he'll take any part just to be in the movies or he simply doesn't give a flying fuck anymore. Face down in the mud, ass up and Hollywood fucks him any way they want. Sad...
Dices nursery rhymes annihlated sam kinison
What the fuck happened to the Diceman? I get this video out the other day called "Brainsmasher" right? Its a piece of fucken shit, like I can't even finish watchin the damn thing. Anyways heres hoping the motherfucker can kick some ass again.
Hey kiwi, that movie wasn't so bad. I think you may have taken it too seriously. I wish Dice was making movies like "Brainsmasher" these days. Better than minor supporting roles with a dozen names to his credit... The man desperately needs a comeback. Unfortunately, there's a lot more to it than following the Haagen Dasz diet with Roger Ebert, know what I'm sayin'? ;)
The Dice Man is fuckin hilarious, I love every thing he does, it would be an honor to make fun of me!
Sam Kinison is funnier laying in a casket than that no talent piece of shit Ford Failure.
I'm doing a report on the "DICEMAN". I'm learning he's the shit, not a piece of SHIT!
yeah this album isn't classic Dice, but some of it's funny. i mean just the parts with that Sid guy were kinda dull.but doing a studio track, even with Snoop Doggy Dog (c'mon) that was a dumb idea. anyway, I'd give it a 7, I mean you get 30 tracks of Dice, and 3 of studio which is ok. (Troilo)
I respect what you are saying. Dice is not for everyone. BUT, I can tell you that what he says about women is what most, not all but most, guys (doctors, lawyers, etc) think but would never dare say to anyone! Don't hate the player, hate the game. Dice identified a product and marketed it, just like the guy who made a million selling a "pet rock". To me, that's stupid!
Why is Dice afraid of his audience now? Look, he can be really,friggin funny when he cuts loose; but his new "act" consists of Andrew doin' a foul mouthed song and dance...literally. No punchlines, no real laughs, no attitude. He used to rip the audience a new ass-pipe,now he just seems to hope they do throw shit at him. I love the fuckin guy;but he should either snap out of this foul-mouthed-puppet shtick;of hang up his friggin mic....da..dats what i think!!OH!!!
Dear friend: In short..Dice could have read a phone book and to me,at least,have been funny...With Dice,it was all in his delivery.
Dice: Don't listen to all the assholes talking shit. No matter what, there will always be fans like me that get what you're doing!! I play your shit for everybody and they all love it!! Keep doing what you do and all of us out here got your back!! These polesmokers that run you down sure wouldn't say that shit to your face. They know that you would push their faces into the fuckin' buttons. Two more things-Hurry up with Ford Fairlane 2 and come to fuckin' Toronto soon. Later.
(As I recall 20+ years past) Andrew was actually a very "funny", talented, sweet (: and caring guy, that could broil the "best damn CHICKEN in HOLLYWOOD (40 mins. 20 on each..I still cook it that way)!" I never once saw him perform his dirty/filthy comedy! I saw only the best of his standup (while performing @ the 'COMEDY STORE' he wouldn't allow me into the SPECIAL (his words) late night room to watch these late night (offensive) shows. He said there were too many NASTY drunks in there and didn't want to subject me to that sort of abuse! However, unbeknown to me.. it was actually HE (yikes!!) that I was not to be subject too!!! (: Oh well, for whatever it's worth, thanks for the respect "Dice Man"! (:

Andrew If ever you read this.. My wish for you, is that YOU "STOP" being SO damn (verbally) abusive towards ALL mankind..while you still have a chance/SOUL and follow "YOUR DREAM"!! (YOU could happen )Try focusing on becoming the dramatic/lead Actor you promised me & yourself (most importantly) you were to become!!! Take care of your "WACKY" self and focus on your DREAM!!! (Linda Moore)
You guys are crazy!! Dice is the shit!! Always has, always will be! You think I wanna hear some scumbag, like Dennis Miller, or that Notorious C.H.O. chick? Who gives a shit about those lames!!!
Dice Clay is fuckin' dead... He's cares more about his washed up image than any of his fans... Dice is by far the biggest asshole off the stage than on it... Plus, he hasn't had one fuckin' hit movie or CD release since the fuckin' 80's... I'm glad the sorry loser is where he is now... Nowhere... HA HA... (Bobby Farlow)
andrew dice clay will forever have a place in history as the most foul-mouthed comedian to ever prance a stage.listen to me im ovah here now,dice will always rock in my book,ya bulkyheaded cocksucka.......uhhhboggidabee!!!!!!
Dice is a sick individual and his style is as unique as they come... the stuff he says is so great because noone can deliver the blend of comedy he provides... whether it be jokes about the chinese or gettin blown while waiting on line at the bank... Dice you are the fuckin greatest
I just love a good dirty jew funny man just like don rickles (Mike Johansen)
So Dice Bashes women. So what? Elayne Boozler and Rita Rudner bash men, and they get away with it, and they're both about as funny as a kick in the crotch. So it's about time a male comic fought back.
ok dice was funny like 13 years ago? dont EVER say dice was better than kinison, sam was the fuckin man and dice wanted to be like him, and dont ever try riping on howard stern, howard makes more people laugh in 2 minutes than dice did in his entire life, you stupid fuck up (Don Chappelear)
Saw Dice at the Beau Rivage on Sat night. He was awesome adlibbing on the fly, poems cracks, the funny and the money are back. The gay pride bit hysterical!!!
he's the hippest most kookiest cat around.nobody tells it like dice.he taught me how to handle any situation with just words.

thanks DICEMAN keep giving them the gooo! (Jay Silvers)
Just saw Dice at Rosemont in Chicago, absolutely fuckin amazing. He got fat though! He hasn't lost it at all, the way he now hates on gay pride faggots all the way to the end when he rips out mother goose! Fuck yeah he better be coming back soon cuz it was nothin but hilarious. (Ray Mosely)
i am sure that all these people dising the dice man are pussies who couldnt take it or wish they could be the ones who came up with his shit. you fuckin pussies stop your bitching and suck on plugger.personaly i like the dice mans new shit and his old shit.and the day laughter died was fuckin geneus.if i ever had the chance to pick on every one and insult every pussy i fuckin in the famous words of the dice man his self. heres to you.......suckin my dick......
I say we get him to make a ford fairlane two,and get the writers from the movie bad santa to work with him and make the ultimate wrong off the wall movie thaT noone else has the balls to make,and put the man up where he belongs on top..steve (Gary V. Costa)
Dice is the funniest Mother Fucker ever. He's the only comedian that makes my eye's water from laughing so fuckin hard.Some of you need to loosen up. As one reviewer said earlier. Eat a Choclate Shit Pie and wash it down with a choclate shit shake. ha ha ha ha....So consaquently I a yeah.............
DICE FUCKIN’ RULES (Paula, Australia)
Am I the only girl that approves of him? I find him hilarious in that 'Oh my god he didn't just say that, did he?' kind of way. I spent my late teens listening to this guy, and I now have a very warped sense of humour. When I went to America I bought 5 of his CD's. I haven't listened to him for a very long time but just seeing some of the comments from his concerts . I still laugh out loud. Ahhh he is a funny fucker.
Yeah Dice just keep givin' them another dose of Doctor Dice's 2 ball compound especially in other countries like you know New York because everybody appreciates the ass hole.Dice is the fuckin' best so fuck the rest and all those fuckin' midgets who have 78 fuckin' pound heads with tonka toy bodies who at least can grow real pleople that rule the house.
dice's new album is funny, jerking off out of a crop duster to feed hungry families is precious. calling women filthy animals is wonderful. his new shit is not that bad, I would even go so far as to say it’s some of his best shit, dice is not an artist to be taken seriously, when the material is light, (talking about some guy's big fucking head which dice attributes to cousins fucking) it's funny. when dice tries to expand on the material or dig deeper then he gets into trouble because Dice isn't very intelligent. He's no George Carlin, "the other day I was scratching this girl's asshole with my tooth" is funny because it's stupid. I like dice's new shit, some of it is weak, I'll give you that, but dice seems very at ease.
ok i'm 18 years old from new jersey and i've been a fan of the dice man since birth. i first saw his stand up on hbo when i was 5 years old, and not only is theman sexy he's fuckin raw, and the reason why people are so offended by him is b/c they are so use to the bill cosby and sin bad stand up that they just don't understand the dice man. he's original and the best no one will ever top him. he's the only comedian i know that when he first comes out on stage the first line he'll say is, "so i had my tongue in this bitches ass last night" i mean who else do u know does that, no one. he's a legend and who cares if he didn't make it through some of his other stand ups, i dont care he's still got my love. i'm seeing this motherfucker tonight in altantic city, and i can't wait. i got front row seats to see him, and i'm gonna give him all the love and support that alot of fuckin people never did.
You know what makes me laugh.. the fact that people will always talk shit.. why care if dice is a bad mouth or an asshole? ..dont listen to him then.. noone is telling u to watch or listen to his shit.. that pisses me off.. and the media sucks btw.. if people want to hear him then fine.. i love the guy.. the problem with people who dont like him is because there jelouse.. i wanna see the people who talk shit do what he did.. become a millionair celeberty...and you know what else.. i myself dont like racism or putting people down or swearing and all that.. but hes there for a reason.. to make u laugh.. and make money .. hes not killing anyone..i can understand both sides here and can relate .. but for some reason out of all the comedians i still tend to wanna listen to him.. he makes me laugh so much .. its just the way he says things.. not so much what he says but the delivery...haha like for instance.. "in face down ass up" when he cracks on midgets.. lol omfg.. i died laughing.. cant help it and i think anyone who says shit about him and doesnt find his shit funy just needs to get laid lol ..what about when he talks about jerking off and laying on one arm till it falls asleep ..he goes... "and then u run around infront of the kids like.. look what daddy's gotta do cuz mommy dont open her fucking legs nomore" lololololol just the way he sounds and says it .. hes one in a million lol yeah he may have his issues and u can tell hes an angry person who just needs to let things go.. its sad cuz if we could look at people in a humble and compassionate way.. u would see there are reasons for everything we do or say.. none of us are perfect.. sooo stop dissing.. shit.. u wanna talk about a jerk... u ever listen to TOM CRUISE when he talked about scientology ??? he was an arogant and rude ..cocky asshole ..he was putting the guy down by telling him he didnt understand and all that good stuff.. i wanted to punch him in the face.. GOD forbid he would of ever talked to me like that....check the video clip out on go under videos or movies ..somethign like that and ull see the one where he talks about scientology.. ok ive rambled on way too long.. i was bored.. hopefully ill get some feedback lolol will be fun :)
DICE IS THE FUCKIN PARTY MAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! (Mr. V)
Something I've noticed from the reviews of this particular CD. All the people giving it praise are mispelling everything, using bad grammar, and are constantly participating in the annoying habit of using numbers as letters and so on. Could it be that this album is so good that people are forgetting how to SPELL? Or is it that Dicey's fanbase consists of ignorant morons?

I'm guessing the latter.

To sum this up. This is the lamest of the lame. Andrew Dice Clay has never been funny, and this is by far the tamest of the unfunny.

If you want something REALLY funny, go listen to Lewis Black. Fuckin' hilarious stuff. [AU H20 (1964)]

im trying to buy the 1989 new years eve tape of the dice man cometh lol, anyone have a copy?

please email me at

thanks (Dean Vaughn)
The man was and could still have a career except for the one main issue..

He has a chip on his shoulder and every interview I see he is angry..
He is so self righteous..

I would still go see him...
Good one Markus.VonBoltenstern! I agree with you……when someone like Andrew Dice Clay talks about the same things that someone like Chris Rock talks about, everyone is offended. When Chris Rock talks about it, he makes more money……

I Love Andrew Dice Clay. I think he’s hilarious. I recently watched Ford Fairlane again, I even urged my 17 year old daughter to watch it. I think it’s great. Perfect role for him. And he played it well. It made me remember how great his stand up acts were. Now I want to find the videos and watch them too! I even went so far as to look him up on You Tube. I was surprised to find some recent clips of him in NY (May 2007). They were great! I would pay to see him…..
Dice is the shit, so fuck all you shitbags who are just jealous!
this guy review ''dices' cds is a real asshole.he hates dice.why i dont know. maybe dice kicked his ass in school.i would kick his ass.

you just hate dice.but this whole website does nothing more than belittle you are trying to hurt is cd sales.get a life grow up.
look the guy said shit that guys were doing years before but in vegas and more select places ,he just mainstreamed it . i love it and the ones that dont ? He fucked em ha ha ha

Nick Borland
Hey, thanks for the website and most of the reviews are great, but to say that Filth is better than Face Down Ass Up is just absurd: better delivery, better crowd, better material that he actually had been working on and tested. There are some great moments on filth, though; I think the entire rant about Bill Clinton (let alone the centerpiece: Monicunt Blewkinsky) and a few other hilarious moments were great, but Face Down Ass Up is the most funny, focused thing he's ever done since 40 Too Long.

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