So a 16-year-old kid name of Hans Burger sends me an email asking if I'll review a tape that he and his friend Tyler Keefe recorded when they were 12. I said I would if he would agree to send me four dollars for one of MY homemade CDs. And he sent me FIVE dollars!!!!!
So the tape is about 10 minutes of what Hans calls "the worst music that we could make without trying." It's miserable stuff. Remember Old Skull? This is worse. One of the guys just smacks at the guitar without playing actual chords or notes, and the other one recites silly little lyrics about "Overpasses," "Feline Privates" and a "Used Toilet Paper Sandwich" in an annoying pre-pubescent voice. However, on the up side, it's very short (under ten minutes), and both the first and last song ("Nuts" and "Religious Fervor") have extremely mesmerizing vocal/lyrical rhythms that drew me in like a cow in June. I give it a 3 because I truly enjoy 2 out of the 7 songs. My fiancee gives it a 6, but won't tell me why and followed up her grade by saying, "Don't ever make me listen to it again."
Let this be a lesson to you. Send me 4 bucks for one of my CDs and I'll review your crappy band too!!!!
Say, did I mention that my puppy bit the head of my dick earlier? It still kinda stings. Never let your woman play funny jokes on you.
P.S. IF YOU LIKE THIS ALBVUM YOU SHOULD TRY 'OCTOPUS' BY GENTLE GIANT FEECHURING SONGS LIKE ADVENT OF PANURGE AND RACONTEUR TROUBADOUR IT FUKKEN RULES