Bribery reviews were dead and buried when all of a sudden a 3-song tape turned up in my work mailbox, reminding me that some time ago, I had promised James Mohr of Sacramento, CA that I would review his demo tape. But it finally showed up and here am I!
James Mohr is a 21-year-old white male which enjoys the work of X-Ray Spex, P-Funk (slang for George Clinton’s two popular funk bands “Parliament” and “The Spin Doctors”), the B-52’s, Kate Bush (have you heard The Dreaming? Great! That makes one of us!), Misfits, Ramones, Madonna, Steely Dan, Dead Kennedys and Lou Christie of “The Gypsy Cried” fame. People tell him his work sounds like Captain Beefheart (not even a tiny bit), the Residents (maybe a tiny teeny bit) and They Might Be Giants (I can sort of see this comparison). But enough about the note he sent me! The tape features three songs that all feature punk rock-speed drums, circus hoedown keyboards and James singing in the voice of a Vaudeville style, slightly Fred Schneider-esque entertainment voice. The music is catchy as hell (simple perchance, but simple doesn’t mean bad! Especially when he keeps adding more and more synth sounds as the songs move forward! So zip it, Baldy!), the words are mmm… okay, I guess. I’d have to see them in print. The first one is a little too cutesy for me not to cringe a bit (“My mom told me to go out and buy some things/So I went to Queens/And bought some magic beans!”), but the drums are so peppy and the keyboard noises so flapdiddlyoodly zapdappalicious, a man would have to place his head in an oven of bread to dread the Feds who led him to wed in my bed, Jed.
AND HIS HAIR IS ALL STICKIN’ UP IN THE AIR!!!! ALL OVER THE FUCKIN PLACE LIKE A FUCKIN ROOSTER!!!!! HA HA HA!!!!! JAMES MOHR LOOKS LIKE A FUCKIN ROOSTER!!!!! HA AHAHHHAHAH!!! AHHAHAHAHHAH!!!!! HAHHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!!!
Remember that time when I was a kid and my Dad bought AC/DC’s Dirty Deeds Done Dirt Cheap for my brother, and I didn’t understand why they were laughing at the song “Big Balls” so I kept asking my mother what balls were? And she angrily responded, “They’re the things that hang underneath your ding-dong!”? And I still didn’t understand what she meant and I kept looking down by my knees for them?
Looking back on it now, I’m fairly certain that that incident alone was responsible for me not getting laid til I was 21.