Billy Joel

He's awesome
*special introductory paragraph!
*Cold Spring Harbor
*Piano Man
*Streetlife Serenade
*Turnstiles
*The Stranger
*52nd Street
*Glass Houses
*The Nylon Curtain
*An Innocent Man
*The Bridge
*Storm Front
*River of Dreams
*Fantasies & Delusions: Music for Solo Piano

It's hard to imagine an artist, piano player, singer or songwriter better than Billy Joel. Because there isn't one. One time I thought there was, but then I realized I was actually thinking of Billy Joel with a mustache. I just didn't recognize him at first.


Cold Spring Harbor - Family 1971
Rating = 9

William Martin Joel was already great right off the bat. His talent was wasted in psych rock band Atilla, so he struck out on his own and recorded the best album of 1971. It was recorded too fast at first, but Billy sounds awesome at any speed. You could play him at 1RPM and he'd sound great. He is literally great.

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Piano Man - Family/Columbia 1973
Rating = 9

SO GOOD. It's not many artists who can play everything from Tin Pan Alley to show tunes, but Billy Joel was, is and can. And even if the title track weren't the best song in the world (which it is), this album also has "Captain Jack," with its great, great lyrics.

God, I can't get over how good those lyrics are.

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Streetlife Serenade - Family/Columbia 1974
Rating = 9

I can't listen to this album without crying because it's so good. I sure won't be trading in THIS album for a cadillac-ac-ac-ac-ac!

That song's not on here though.

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Turnstiles - Family/Columbia 1976
Rating = 9

"New York State of Mind" and "Angry Young Man" ON THE SAME ALBUM!?!?!? Why did they bother keeping the record pressing plants open after this?

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The Stranger- Family/Columbia 1977
Rating = 9

I just want you to take a look at something real quick:

"Movin' Out (Anthony's Song)"
"Just the Way You Are"
"Scenes from an Italian Restaurant"
"Only the Good Die Young"
"She's Always a Woman"

So how did it feel staring into the eyes of God?

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52nd Street - Family/Columbia 1978
Rating = 9

People constantly pose the question, "What's the best TV show of all time -- Breaking Bad, The Sopranos or The Wire?" Well, the answer is Bosom Buddies because Billy Joel wrote the theme song.

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Glass Houses - Family/Columbia 1980
Rating = 9

Here it is: the birth of punk rock. Between the headsmashing mosh pit anthem "You May Be Right" and the Oi! streetpunk standard "It's Still Rock and Roll to Me," it's no wonder everyone in Britain got a mohawk and The Ramones recorded their fifth album.

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The Nylon Curtain - Family/Columbia 1982
Rating = 9

I used to love Bob Dylan, but the minute I heard "Allentown," I realized he was just a stupid asshole.

And "Pressure" IS death metal. Look in the dictionary under "pressure." There will be a picture of death metal.

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An Innocent Man - Family/Columbia 1983
Rating = 9

Don't get me wrong: I love The Jersey Boys as much as the next guy. But they're not as innovative as you might think. Billy Joel was actually doing the exact same thing 30 years earlier! "The Longest Time," "Tell Her About It," "Uptown Girl" - a lot of people forget how scary The Cold War was, but believe me -- without these songs, the world would've blown up. Thank you, Billy Joel.

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The Bridge - Family/Columbia 1986
Rating = 9

"A Matter of Trust." Fucking KILLER!!!!

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* Storm Front - Columbia 1989 *
Rating = 10

At last we've reached the shiniest diamond in the entire Billy Joel catalog: the album with "We Didn't Start the Fire" on it. I don't even know how any of the other songs go; once you've recorded "We Didn't Start the Fire," your album gets a 10. Period.

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River of Dreams - Columbia 1993
Rating = 9

This album sold four copies and was a complete piece of shit. But it's by Billy Joel, so it's still 10 times better than every other album released in 1993.

Unless The Eagles put out an album that year. They were great too.

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Fantasies & Delusions: Music for Solo Piano - Sony Classical/Columbia 1999
Rating = 1

I'd rather dip my head in a bucket of shit than listen to this piece of fucking garbage again. After 30 years of creating the most incredible underground rock this world has ever known, Billy Joel decided to sell out to 'Big Cla$$ical,' just like so many before him. I guess when money talks, the real grunge walks. What happened to integrity? I guess he saw how Liverpool Oratorio turned suffering fringe artist Paul McCartney into a multimillionaire and decided to take the easy road to riches.

Obviously, it worked. He was able to retire after this album sold 400 million copies, and he hasn't written a song since.

In conclusion: this album may be terrible, but it's still better than every other album ever recorded by everybody else ever.

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There's no link to Amazon here, because you already own every Billy Joel album.

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