Air Miami

FUNrest!
*special introductory paragraph!
*Airplane Rider 7"
*Me. Me. Me.
*Fuck You, Tiger EP

When drummer Phil Krauth decided to leave the wonderful, blissful, hellaciously beautiful DC indie pop band Unrest, bandleader Mark Robinson said to himself, "Hey! I'm the only original member left! What the!?" Unable to deal with the pressure, he and bassist Bridget Cross of Unrest fame got a new drummer and changed the band name to Air Miami. Then they broke up like two years later, the sons and daughter of bitch.


Airplane Rider 7" - Teenbeat 1994
Rating = 8

Actually, if a man's memory can be relied upon these days, I swear that the time I saw Air Miami live in 1994, they had four members. I mean, each one of them did - even the woman! Ha! No, but we do get a little dirty here from time to time.

I mean four band members. I SWEAR they had an extra guitarist. If so, that would explain why this single clearly features both a jangly Unrest Mark E. Robinson rhythm guitar AND a cute, simplistic lead guitar playing a few notes atop. It's a terrific little single but short as day, featuring only the 1:40 peaceful easy jangly poptone "Airplane Rider" and 2:12 sorrowful melancholy jangler "Stop Sign." Both will appeal to Unrest fans like salad tongs appeal to fans of salad who are sitting in front of a huge salad with no utensils to help them get the salad out. "I'm looking for a reason to get out of bed today" moans Bridget Cross on the haunting B-side and who among us have never felt that way? You? I doubt it. Me? I doubt it. That guy over there with the big penis and 400 whores? I doubt it. Possibly for a different reason then you and I, but I still doubt it so my point remains somewhat inarguable though admittedly weaker than when I published my first nine books on the topic.

But let's talk about side A, since both side A and B have ended since I began drafting this scintillating Revue, so I'd might as well listen to side A again. Ah there we go. It's got that smiling gleeful "Cherry Cherry" feel, but at a slower, more restful tempo and with that lovely little lead guitar bopping along on top like a live, rabid cherry dancing on the peak of an ice cream sundae. Mark sings the A-side, with Bridget "A Woman" Cross contributing "bop bop bop!" backup vocals with syrup in her cheeks and a smile on her ass.

A VERTICAL smile, that is!!! Hang on a minute while I murder something.

Best,
Ted "The Nug" Nugent

PS If you don't like this review, then you can just KISS MY ASS! (*plays boring, shitty guitar riff*)

Add your thoughts?


* Me. Me. Me. - 4AD 1995 *
Rating = 10

Upon second noticing, I now see that that single I just reviewed DOES in fact credit four musicians. But this CD sure doesn't! That extra guitarist is Gone With The Wind(TM), replaced by cute electronic bleeps and bloops on top of the jangly-jingly rhythm guitar from Heaven. Ooo! I just thought of a fantastic new slogan for The Fundamentalist Christians Club: "We put the 'Heave' back in 'Heaven'!" Do you like it? Did you earn it? Stop stealing it! Goddamn you! MINE!

Me. Me. Me. seems like inconsequential fun for the first couple listens (especially compared to the dramatic romanticism of Perfect Teeth), but then all of a sudden, before your eyes can even adjust to the positive glow of those warm Unresty guitar tones, the CD reveals itself to be a nonstop KKK rally of REALLY catchy, fun and wonderful songs!!! Most of them are even HAPPY too! Like a happy man, or person! (Or man!)

Mark "Smokey" Robinson sings lead on most of these songs, with Bridget the Midget taking only the relaxing, gorgeous and peaceful "Seabird," the languishing romantic reworking of Unrest's "Afternoon Train," and tha beautifully jazzy "The Event Horizon" (highlighted by the lines "I am a black hole/Nothing escapes me."). Also, have you seen that movie Event Horizon? It was pretty dumb, but the scary parts scared the Hell out of me! Which was nice, because professional exorcisms cost hundreds of dollars.

The word for this 35-minute, 13-song disc is "beautiful." If I had to sum up the entire listening experience in just one simple nine-letter word, it would be "So Unbelievably Infectiously Wonderfully Tuneful, I Shat Myself! And By 'Shat,' I Of Course Mean Popular Actor And Self-Parody William Shatner!" As great as (or better than) any Unrest release, Me. (x3) represents the absolute pinnacle of Mark Robinson's output to date. The songs are built upon jangly rhythmic chord/note patterns, organ notes & synthesized bloops, bubbly bass lines, both electronic and real drumming, gorgeous vocals, and thousands of melodic pop hooks (both vocal and musical) that will have you dancing around the apartment like you've got genital scorpions -- but SMILING!

After all, how could one (or two, if you're married or gay, in which case you can' t get married because God, and by extension America, hates you) NOT smile while listening to fast tuneful choruses saying things like "Pleeeeeeease -- Someone kill me soon!" and "I! I! I! I've got it - World Cup Fever!" and "Hey Hey! Hey Hey! I'm gonna fuck you up today!" Plus you've got plenty of big major chords, swishy vippity UFO noises, a hot-time distorted guitar rocker ("You Sweet Little Heartbreaker"), a song with a bass line that TOTALLY sounds like The Fall ("Sweet As A Candy Bar") and eleven other of the most PERFECTLY "...Sweet..." pop songs to be found anywhere on this planet (Your Anus - HAHAAHH!!! HAHAHAHAH! ! !!HHH!H!!!HAHAHAHAHHAHAH!! AHAHAHH!!!

HEHAHAHAHHAHAH!!!!!)

Let's complete the review by addressing the last five or six minutes of the disc. You're sitting there thinking the disc is winding down and in danger of getting a little samey if it keeps being so uniformly good when suddenly WHAMMO - you're hit in the face with both a mallet and the second half of "Definitely Beachy," an absolutely blissful piece of wonderful uplifting hopeful four-chord pop rock with a paradise lead guitar on top -- which then segues into the confusingly-titled "Reprise," an instrumental that I personally would define as the very epitome of clairvoyant guitar/bass interplay. A relaxing end to an excitable young CD.

This is true MUSIC. This is why music exists -- the tones, the hooks, the clean production, the voices -- even during the two or three sad songs, every element on this disc is designed to bring pleasant feelings into your ear and up your brain. If I HAD to pick a weak moment, it would be the slow, languishing "Bubble Shield," which is built upon an "I give up" guitar lick that's more opium-lazy than pretty. But every other track is God with a halo on it.

Hell, God with TWO halos on it! (He could just will the second one to be there; it wouldn't take that much effort)

Check this out -- I'm gonna say something so incendiary about God that it might just tear your little world apart. Are you ready? Here I go:

God is a GAY BLACK WOMAN.

Yeah, I know. Let it sink in. THINK about it.... Feel the outrage and confusion envelop the very core of your soul.

Oh, hang on, did I say "God"? Heck, I'm sorry about that - I of course meant "performance artist Sharon Bridgforth." But since you're here anyway, I DO have something incendiary to say about your so-called "God." But prepare yourself -- you may want to take a seat, because this statement I'm about to make will LITERALLY set your faith alight and make you reconsider every belief you've ever had about the alleged "Creator of Man"!!! Are you ready? Strap yourself in because you'll never be the same after encountering the earth-shattering theoretical declaration that I am about to put forth:

God has a long white beard.

That's right. Let it sink in.

Reader Comments

spectre316@email.com (Matt F.)
Haha, aren't Nicktoons the best? I forgot how funny they can be. Oh, GOD -- THE SPONGEBOB MOVIE IS COMING OUT!

This CD is good stuf. Like, really good stuf. PRICELESS STUF. STUF THAT SHOULD BE TREASURED FOR ALL ETERNITY.

I like Bridget's songs a lot (ooh, tracks three and four give me EARGASMS) and the rest of the stuf is pretty good too. God, I LOVE THIS STUF. (HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHHHAHAHA, ISN'T THAT HILARIOUS)

I was fanatical a few weeks ago and noticed the import version doesn't have "Reprise"! How shitty! That song is a perfect outro. And "I Hate Milk" RULES! So does the song with the chrous "I'M GONNA FUCK YOU UP TODAY" -- YAY! :) :) FUCK ME UP!

Please?

HAHAHAHHAHAHAH

I still silently (and secretly (and hidden...ly (and secretly (and ever-so-silently)))) prefer the Unrest albums to this, though. While good, it doesn't have the impact either "Imperial" or "Perfect Teeth" have on my VERY SOUL. But it's a lot more better than "Fuck Pussy Galore (and All Her Friends)"-era stuff! Which is saying a lot, kinda!

Add your thoughts?


Fuck You, Tiger EP - Teenbeat 1995
Rating = 5

Let me alter that title just a little bit to Fuck You, Voter. Maybe I heard wrong, but rumor has it that you just re-elected the worst president of the last 100 years. Good work on that. Good work on being a bunch of (a) rich selfish assholes and/or (b) deluded, ignorant fuckheads. But it's too late to complain about Bush - he's already in. So let me complain about any Bush voters who happen to run across this site (not terribly likely, I admit, since they're all afraid of scary curse words that might lead their children to crime and drugs, but nevertheless). Look you -- I am NOT Larry Democrat by trade. In fact, I was all set to vote for Mr. George W. Bush in 2000 because I fucking hated Al Gore so much. In fact, I WOULD have voted for Bush had I not been turned away from my local precinct and told that I was supposed to vote 20 blocks south. At that point, I decided, "Fuck this. I don't care who wins!" and went home. But four years later? Come on, you'd have to be a real fucking retard to not realize that Bush and his administration are completely DESTROYING this country. How could so many of you (Bush voters) be so goddamned stupid???

Let's examine some of the main reasons that people in the south and midwest chose to re-elect the Moron/Psycho ticket:

(1) "He is more likely to protect me against a terrorist attack." Okay, now see the thing is, all you people in the south and midwest who chose him for this reason - YOU'RE NOT AT FUCKING RISK OF A FUCKING TERRORIST ATTACK IN THE FIRST FUCKING PLACE, YOU BUNCH OF LUNKHEADED PIECES OF HUMAN SHIT!!!! WHO GOT ATTACKED ON 9/11, HUH???? WAS IT UTAH??? WAS IT TEXAS???? WAS IT FUCKING MONTANA??? NO!!! IT WAS NEW YORK AND WASHINGTON DC!!! AND WHAT CANDIDATE DID THESE TWO CITIES, THE MOST LIKELY TARGETS OF THE NEXT TERRORIST ATTACK, CHOOSE AS THE PRESIDENT MOST SUITED TO PROTECT THEM???? JOHN KERRY!!!! DC ELECTED HIM BY A MARGIN OF 90 GODDAMNED PERCENT!!! YOU FUCKING ASSHOLES!!!!! YOU'VE JUST PUT US EVEN MORE AT RISK BY RE-ELECTING A REGIME THAT THE ENTIRE GODDAMNED WORLD DESPISES!!!!! HOW COULD YOU NOT HAVE REALIZED THAT WHEN YOU WERE VOTING?????? THE WORLD HATES BUSH!!!! THUS, THEY HATE AMERICA!!!! DO YOU PEOPLE JUST NEVER VENTURE OUT OF THE UNITED STATES??? WHAT THE FUCK IS WRONG WITH YOU????

(2) "He is Christian and thus represents my moral beliefs." You pricks. You fucking moron Christian pricks. There is a reason that Church and State were intended to be divided. This is because half of the nation doesn't want the goddamned leader of the free world basing all his actions on fairy tales and little voices he hears in his head. CHRISTIANITY IS A FUCKING FAIRY TALE, YOU BLIND FUCKING ASSHOLES!!!! And even if it wasn't -- well no, let me start over. That wasn't the right thing to say. Let me start over, seriously. Christianity preaches love and tolerance. This is excellent, and Christians who live by this creed are wonderful, wonderful people. The logical opposite of Christianity would be heinous. We do need to care about one another. However, Bush and his fundamentalist base have twisted the meaning of Christianity all up into a well of hatred and intolerance. My wife has a shirt with a picture of Bush and the words "Who Would Jesus Bomb?" The answer is NOFUCKINGBODY, YOU HYPOCRITICAL PIECES OF SHIT. Bush is NOT a true Christian -- he is an asshole who HATES. His negative campaigning, his mean-spirited attacks on other nations, his insistence that fags aren't real people and thus don't deserve basic human rights. The "Gay Marriage" amendment means that if gay man Bill happens to die, then his partner gay man Steve has no rights to their home and could lose it. BECAUSE GOD SAID SO. How on Earth could so many of you pieces of human shit (WHICH IS WHAT YOU ARE IF YOU VOTED FOR BUSH) vote AGAINST gay marriage???? Do you realize what you've done??? You've moved us one step closer to legislating absolute hatred and intolerance for large group of innocent people!!! Would Jesus have done this? HE WOULD NOT HAVE. THINK ABOUT IT. "Oh! But we need to preserve the sanctity of marriage." WHAT FUCKING SANCTITY IS THERE IN MARRIAGE????? THE DIVORCE RATE IS 50%, YOU STUPID, SELF-DELUDED FUCKING ASSHOLES!!!! YOU ARE ASSHOLES!!!! HATE-MINDED, HATE-DRIVEN, INTOLERANT JUST ABSOLUTE PRICKS!!!! HOW DOES GAY MARRIAGE HURT YOU???? HOW DO GAYS HURT YOU???? HERE'S SOMETHING AMAZING THAT I'M SURE NEVER OCCURRED TO YOU BECAUSE YOU'RE A MEDIOCRE MIDDLE AMERICAN BUSH-VOTING COCKSUCKER: FAGS DO NOT CHOOSE TO BE FAGS. NOBODY -- AND I MEAN NOBODY -- WOULD CHOOSE TO LIVE A LIFE IN WHICH THEY WOULD BE HATED BY SO MANY OTHER ASSHOLES. LOOK AT YOURSELF -- YOU'RE STRAIGHT, RIGHT? LIKE ME? OKAY NOW -- IMAGINE A NAKED MAN IN FRONT OF YOU WITH A BIG ERECT COCK, SAYING TO YOU, "BEND OVER, I WANT TO FUCK YOU." NOW THEN -- WOULD YOU SAY "YES, GO AHEAD. I'VE MADE THE DECISION THAT YOU CAN DO THAT."? NO!!!! OF COURSE YOU FUCKING WOULDN'T!!!! BECAUSE YOU WEREN'T FUCKING BORN GAY!!!!! PEOPLE ARE BORN GAY!!!! IT'S GENETIC!!!! YOU CAN'T DECIDE TO BE ATTRACTED TO A HAIRY MAN'S COCK AND BALLS ANYMORE THAN YOU CAN DECIDE TO BE ATTRACTED TO AN UGLY FAT WOMAN!!!! WHY DISCRIMINATE AGAINST THESE PEOPLE??? Oh yes, I remember. Because Jesus hates fags. It's right there in the book of We Totally Made This Up Because We're Intolerant Assholes. So what exactly ARE these moral values that are so important to you and your assbuddy George Bush? Helping the poor and underprivileged? NOPE! Bush's economic policies (aside from driving the country BANKRUPT) have led to the widest divide between rich and poor in the HISTORY OF THE NATION. Do you know what this means? There will be MORE crime, MORE murder, MORE violence -- the have-nots are going to rise up and kill you, and you DESERVE it. What other moral values are so important to you? Protecting our Mother Earth? Certainly doesn't matter to George Bush! More pollution, more oil drilling in protected wetlands, more global warming -- all under the moral guidance of George "Rich Liar" Bush. Let's see -- any more moral values? Ah yes! Negative campaigning! He practically INVENTED it for his father's first campaign. Trash Kerry. Make up lies about what a "flip flopper" he is. Be a prick. A total and complete PRICK. Wow! What a great moral value! Thank God for you fucking IDIOTS who believe every word he says!

What am I on now, 3? (3) "He's one of us. Kerry is a goddamned New England liberal who makes me feel stupid." If somebody makes you feel stupid, it's because you ARE stupid. Don't accept it -- read up on things! Learn something! And that word "liberal" -- both of my parents voted for Bush because they don't trust Democrats to not take their money and give it to poor, lazy people. That's understandable. However, KERRY AND EDWARDS ARE MILLIONAIRE LAWYERS!!! THEY ARE NOT FUCKING LIBERALS!!!! In any other nation (and at a not-so-distant earlier time in our own), they would be considered moderate Republicans. They were NOT going to take all your money away and give it to the lazy!!!!

(4) "Bush gave us our tax break and put more money in our hands." Read this closely and take it all in (again, I'm directing this at Bush voters - the rest of you guys kick ass!!!): Bush paid for the federal tax break by cutting a lot of federal programs. YOU wound up paying more in local and state taxes -- perhaps $200 more -- because this federal defunding forced local and state governments to spend a hell of a lot more money on programs that used to be taken care of by Washington, DC. It was a bait-and-switch. He lied to you.

(5) "He is a strong leader in a time of war." WE ARE NOT AT WAR!!!! WE ARE NOT AT GODDAMNED WAR!!!! WHO HAS DECLARED WAR ON US???? WHO IS OUR ENEMY???? IS SOME NATION AT WAR WITH US??? NO!!! THERE'S NOT EVEN A GODDAMNED ARMY FIGHTING AGAINST US!!!! BUSH INVADED IRAQ. HE MADE AN IMPERIALIST MOVE -- BREAKING INTERNATIONAL LAW -- TO INVADE A COUNTRY HALFWAY AROUND THE WORLD. NAME OUR ENEMY!!! IS IT "TERRORISTS"? THAT'S NOT A GODDAMNED NATIONALITY! TERRORISTS EXIST BECAUSE WE MADE THEM. WE PUT THEM IN POVERTY, TOOK ADVANTAGE OF THEIR RESOURCES, MADE THEM SUFFER, IGNORED THEM AND NOW, SURPRISE! THEY FUCKING HATE US!!!! PEOPLE AREN'T BORN INTO ISLAMIC MILITANTISM -- THEY ARE WON OVER TO IT BY THOSE WHO MAKE THEM REALIZE WHAT PRICKS WESTERNERS ARE!!!! THIS IS THE SAME THING AS REAGAN CLAIMING HE WAS ENGAGED IN A "WAR AGAINST DRUGS!" YOU KNOW WHAT IRAQ IS? IRAQ IS A BUNCH OF WARRING FACTIONS. THE ONLY THING KEEPING THE PEACE FOR ALL THOSE YEARS WAS THE IRON FIST OF SADDAM HUSSEIN. NOW THAT HE'S GONE, THESE WARRING FACTIONS ARE GOING TO ALL KEEP FIGHTING US AND FIGHTING FOR POWER, AND EVENTUALLY ONE OF THEM WILL GET POWER AND START (sorry about the caps) annihilating all dissentors. We will NEVER win in Iraq. And Bush has NO -- i repeat, NO -- exit plan.

(6) "He inherited a recession, and he's really turned it around!" No, he has not. We have lost MILLIONS of jobs in the past four years. Look online anywhere (except Fox News, the Wall Street Journal or asshole Republican blogs). When he said he's helped the economy, HE WAS LYING. And what is his master plan for improving the economy? "Education!" "More Pell Grants!" "Get people educated so they can fill the jobs of today!" Well fine, Bush, except THERE ARE NO FUCKING JOBS OF TODAY!!!! DO YOU REALIZE HOW MANY FUCKING EDUCATED PEOPLE THERE ARE IN THE UNITED STATES WHO SIMPLY CANNOT FIND JOBS??? EDUCATION IS NOT A SOLUTION TO AN UNEMPLOYMENT PROBLEM, YOU FUCKING ASSHOLE!!!! "HEY, LOOK AT ME! I HAVE A COLLEGE DEGREE! I MAY NOT HAVE A HOME, BUT WOWEE! LOOK AT MY DEGREE! SPARE SOME CHANGE?

(7) "Kerry's a flip-flopper! I know what Bush thinks, but not what Kerry thinks!" Did you watch the debates? Kerry told you EXACTLY where he stands. He's not a 'flip-flopper'; he changes his mind when (a) the situation changes, or (b) he realizes he's wrong. Bush does neither. This does not make him a strong leader; it makes him a child and an idiot. As my co-worker said to me last week, "He may have his hands firmly on the wheel, but he's driving the bus off a cliff!"

(8) "Kerry's weak on defense!" Bush is a draft dodger. You re-elected a draft dodger who has no qualms about sending your son off to die in an unwinnable conflict. Good work, dumbass! Also, what exactly has he DONE to defend the U.S.? Everything he's done has been completely OFFensive! (in more ways than one) Do you realize how many completely INNOCENT people he has murdered in Iraq? Dude, they fucking HATE us now! We completely destroyed the infrastructure of their company, as well as the lives of many, many people! And I'm not sure how many of them were nice people and how many were warring factions, but that's not the issue right now. Let's move on. Next one!

(9) "There hasn't been another terrorist attack in the U.S. since 9/11!" Well gee, there weren't a hell of a lot of terrorist attacks in the U.S. prior to 9/11 either, were there? It's not exactly an annual event in our history. Also, now am I crazy or -- oh that's right -- 9/11 DID happen under Bush's watch! Great work, Bush! Also, and here's something interesting, the world's leading experts on terrorism report that the risk of global terrorism attacks has INCREASED as a result of the Iraq war. You see, European operatives keep going into Iraq, becoming involved in attacks on US forces and learning guerrila tactics on the front lines before returning to Europe as experienced terrorist operatives! And forget Osama, because good old Abu Musab al-Zarqawi is busily creating a new network of terrorist cells throughout Europe, independent of those created by Al Queda! Plus Al-Qaeda itself continues to recruit new members, including non-Arabs that sympathize with their cause because the U.S. are acting like such pricks in Iraq! Yay for Bush and his nonstop lies that you keep falling for because you're a fucking asshole retard moron! (Only if you voted for Bush. If you're an innocent Air Miami fan, thanks for stopping by!)

(10) "He bravely stood up for his decisions, even when they were politically unpopular." The reason his decisions were unpopular is because they were BAD DECISIONS!!!! Gee, maybe I'll go out and start fucking little kids! Sure, it'll be unpopular, but I'm gonna stand up for my decision regardless of my politically-driven detractors, and that makes me a strong leader!

The bottom line is fuck you. It's too late to change your mind, you condemned us to 4 more years of ever-increasing debt, recession and war, so fuck you. FUCK. YOU.

Also, this CD isn't too good. It sounds like it was all done by Mark solo, and is just dull electronic remixes of too Me meemem songs, and two underwritten slow outtake ballads. Skip it.

Also, I'm not certain that Kerry would have even done a terribly good job considering the mess he would have inherited. I even think he said some really fucking stupid things during his campaign. But he at least offered HOPE of something better. Of a more sympathetic nation. Of less blind patriotism, bullying tactics, religiously-based legislation and elite rich piles of shit laughing while the rest of us (not me) starve. (I'm not starving - I mean other people). But no such luck. Because you all voted for the lying draft-dodging arrogant rich boy Born Again Christian. Thanks, Ohio! Half of you think for a living, and the other half should have fucking moved to Florida or Texas so we could have a better goddamned president thanks to the nonsensical electoral system! HUZZAH!

Reader Comments

Alex Golden
Hi Mark -

Big fan here. Just wanted to say thanks for your election comments in the Air Miami review. I've had an election hangover for a few days now and you have done a better job of capturing what I feel inside than anyone else I've read so far.

Andrewanim@aol.com
Dear Mark

That is hands down the most reasoned, well-argued perspective on the US election that I've read yet, either from a Brit or an American. Shame they don't have you on CNN.

dave@happydrifter.com (Dave B. Wagner)
No offence, but I'm quite certain it was precisely this kind of bitterness that scared so many people away from Kerry (no, he himself didn't project this, but most of his voters seemed to).

People generally don't enjoy being told how stupid they are for not agreeing with you - especially in a country as intrinsically contrary/prideful as the US. I'm no Bush supporter (although, truthfully, his tax cuts almost certainly saved my job), but it's fairly clear to me why Kerry lost to such an emminently beatable candidate (and it's not about homosexuality, which Kerry also expressed negativity toward, or religion, which he also pandered to shamelessly). If democrats don't tone down the elitism, I don't see how the party will ever win another election.

I'm just a little frustrated at seeing so many people complaining about how retarded America is when they themselves are trying to elect someone to lead it, word. I have disdain for most people, but then, I'm an admitted asshole who isn't trying to convince a nation to see my point of view.

ddickson@rice.edu
Goddammit, Mark. I DO sometimes "decide" to be attracted to fat, ugly women. It's disturbingly easy, given the circumstances.

BAD comparison, dammit. BAD.

But it's cool, dude. Goddamn, Prindle, do you ever ROCK. George Walker Bush sucks. I know I've defended the man in the past, but only for single solitary issues of his I felt were being unfairly criticized. As a whole, not only do I think he is a massive blight on our great nation, but his second term may mark the period in which America starts on its long, painful descent from Most Powerful Nation In the World to Has-Been Backwater.

All because 51% of the American people apparently do not realize that WORLD OPINION HAS AN EFFECT ON OUR POWER. WE CANNOT LEAD THE PLANET WITHOUT GOODWILL. WE CANNOT SPREAD DEMOCRACY WITHOUT GOODWILL. WE CANNOT FOSTER AMERICAN VALUES WITHOUT GOODWILL. AND WE CANNOT. . . FIGHT. . . TERRORISM. . . WITHOUT GOODWILL. Apparently 51% of America believes that as long as we simply blow enough shit up without taking no bunk from nobody, we will generate beaucoup goodwill. Jeez, what planet ARE these people on?

But I'll tell you how we can take this country back from the reactionary fools who have seized ironclad control of it and bring it back to the course of progress.

And you might not like the answer, but here it is:

Go straight at the Republicans and attack them on their own chosen ground. Morality. Values. Decency. Pragmatism. Common Sense. Responsibility. Hard Work. Show the nation how our side embodies that FAR better than they. And quite frankly, right now, that's not very fucking hard to do. The Republicans didn't win because a majority of Americans "share" their morality. The Republicans won because they were the only ones talking about it. I hate to say it, but preaching "cultural relativism" and claiming not to be able to "impose" morality on others WILL NOT CUT IT. We do it all the time. Higher taxes on the wealthy is a moral concept. Universal health care is a moral concept. Environmental regulation is a moral concept. Multilateralism is a moral concept (as well as a pragmatic necessity). Welfare programs for the poor are moral concepts. Handgun control is a moral concept. Equal rights for everyone in society, regardless of sexual orientation, is absolutely a moral concept. Everything we believe in as liberals is rooted in morality. We govern from moral values whenever we are in office. The only reason the Republicans are getting away with this disaster is because they have managed to convince 51% of the electorate that we somehow have none. And if we let this hilariously ironic bullshit slide for one more day, then we DESERVE to lose the next election. It's that simple.

Take the far right on their own turf, and the rest will fall into place.

And take heart in this poll finding, Mark: On major issues, Bush supporters didn't even know where he stood on most of the major issues. Most Bush supporters thought he supported affirmative action, the International Criminal Court, Kyoto, and drug importation from Canada. Basically, he bamboozled them into thinking he "shared" their morals. Once voters find that out, there will be hell to pay for that man's party. If we do the right thing, this WILL be the last great triumph the GOP will experience for a long, long time.

We really are a liberal nation. We just don't know who we're voting for. Next election, people, research your candidates' record, not their rhetoric. Log on to www.vote-smart.org and find out what "values" they REALLY stand for. Then decide who's the more "moral." May goodness prevail.

xhamishgunnx@hotmail.com
This is the best review I have ever read.

spectre316@email.com (Matt F.)
Hey, Mark. I just read your "Fuck You, Tiger/Voter" review and I FUCKING AGREE COMPLETELY. As whiny as it sounds, we are all FUCKED. Thanks, you fucking asstards in the "heartland." WATCH AS I RIP YOUR "HEART" OUT OF YOUR CHEST AND STOMP ON IT, BITCHES AND BASTARDS.

And the whole gay-marriage thing? :( Jesus. I can't explain how depressed it made me. Really, fundamental human rights should never be put to a popular vote (I read that somewhere on the Internet and liked how it sounded!). When you're dealing with all of the redneck bastards, it's always going to be shot down, ALWAYS. I don't normally admit stuff in public comments here, but what the hell: I am gay, and this just made me want to kill myself even more (after the news that BUSHIE DICKHEAD FUCKWAD BITCH WAR PRESIDENT ASSHEAD WON).

I mean, COME THE FUCK ON! Who *are* these people? Were they misinformed and/or retarded (no offense!)? WERE THEY UNDER A FUCKING ROCK FOR THE PAST FOUR YEARS?!?!?! MY GOD, YOU IDIOTS! WAKE UP TO **REALITY**!!

Ahh!

Sorry this isn't a music-related comment. I really like Air Miami though!

P.S. I live in Ohio. :( Fucking stupid state.

skohler@copper.net
Great great great! It's simply amazing what one finds when one googles "fuck christianity". And just what was I doing doing that now? Long story. And yes, BAD comparison on the fat women. Happens to be one of my more recent fond memories. Anyway, I agree that we must attack the right on their own ground exposing their absolutely WEAK WEAK WEAK position. You're not the party of life when you order death to thousands of Iraqi's; you're not compassionate when you steal from the poor and give to the rich; you have NO CLAIM to moral high ground when you lie, cheat, and steal to get elected, etc. etc. etc.

nazariusrudius@yahoo.com
I read your Air Miami review and came upon your rant on Bush. I was too young to vote in 04, but I supported Bush then and still do. Let me kindly inform you that you're wrong about everything (besides the gay marriage bit).

How come there's no Tupac reviews?

Add your thoughts?


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